Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Communication changed after date
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 3 years ago by
T from NY.
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Sara
Have been talking to a guy for 2 weeks via text and phone calls. We matched on hinge about a year ago and chatted but never met up or even did a virtual date because the pandemic was at it craziest and work was insanely busy for me so I essentially kind of just stopped responding. He reached out a few weeks ago and we started talking. Since then we text throughout most days and have had a few phone calls. We finally went out on Friday and had a nice dinner with drinks. The conversation flowed easily and I think things went well. We were agreeing on a lot of things we are looking for or that were important to us and he complimented me a few times. He definitely was asking about past relationships and really want to go to know me, clearly knows what he’s looking for. He took me home we both said we had a great time and want to see each other again, kissed goodbye and left. Since Friday we’ve barely texted and I have had to reach out twice. It’s a definite shift. Should I take this as a sign something was off and he’s just not feeling it anymore? Give it a few days and see or ask him if I don’t hear from him today?
Tallspicy
Firstly, before you meet does not even count. Secondly, stop contacting him.
He already showed you he is not feeling it anymore with his actions. You don’t need to ask him… especially a guy who means nothing (no man means anything until you are exclusive and not seeing other people). When you are first dating, you are in a wait and see what he does phase, not a prod him phase. Before 4 dates, it should be literally expected that whatever a man says on the date is in the moment and had no real meaning, and that he will most likely disappear which has nothing to do with you.
Here is what you need to remember. It is his job to do everything for at least the first 3 to 4 dates, and then it is still only occasional initiation if he is consistent. If he slows down in any way, then you contact even less,
Maddie
If you’d just started talking and met, I’d say it likely means nothing and give him a bit of time and he’ll show you his level of interest pretty soon. It was a holiday weekend for many and he may have legitimately been busy and/or with family… it’s only been a couple days and one date.
But because you waited a year to meet and he randomly reappeared then dropped off and he’s from online dating, the timing of his reappearance may have been due to personal things in his life and not his interest in you. Perhaps recently single again, feeling lonely and wanted attention, going through his “loose end” options. Had a nice date, and that was all he was looking for. I’ve personally never had anything solid come out of a start where both people were too lukewarm to initially get things going. They were lukewarm in the first place for a reason.
So advice is the same, don’t chase but be responsive and clearly interested when you answer (since you feel you let things fade out the first time, he may need clear signs this time until he knows you better). But don’t have expectations yet. You may find out that he was actually equally responsible for letting things fade out before meeting the first time and that’s his MO. Or you may have a nice second date. Nothing to feel bad about either way.
T from NY
What is the rush? Where is the fire? You met up. It went well. If it’s meant for you – he will arrange something again as long as you act warm and interested. He DEF knows that already if you’ve been reaching out. If he doesn’t reach out again, or if he leaves lots of space or crumbs you, then he is communicating he’s not the one for you.
A woman’s job is not to help anything along (or if so, only in a few select circumstances – this is not one of those). Lean back. Concentrate on you. Your priority in determining if he will be a good partner is to WATCH and see what he does, observe his actions to see if he is good enough for you – not to try and make him like you.
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