Clingy or is it my fault?


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This topic contains 17 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  henriette 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

Viewing 18 posts - 1 through 18 (of 18 total)
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  • #752241 Reply

    Salsa

    Hello,

    I met a guy when I was having a really bad time after my father passed away.

    He was very supportive, always there for me, very thoughtful, giving and caring. Too much I would say, I never met someone so thoughtful and good to me, I have told him so many times how thoughtful he is. We started a relationship. We live far away from each other and messages and phone calls were the main form of comuunication. We tried to meet whenever we could and had an amazing time together.

    On one of his visits he read a message on my phone from one ex boyfriend, who was trying to hoover me back. He read the message and became upset and never told me anything until he was back home. According to him i should have told him about this guy. I think there was no real need to tell him about this guy trying to get in contact with me again. I explained to him my point of view. We continued our relationship and now, after one year he’s telling me that I dont put effort in the relationship. That I dont text enough, he’s upset because one day I didn’t say good morning, because he sent an audio message and I didn’t listen to it. He went back to the same topic of: why didn’t you tell me anything about that guy, you hid that from me. And because he thinks Im not putting effort he says he will do the same and behave like me. What I feel is that I can not spend most of my time sending messages every day, and we do send a lot every day. He says he wants to be like me and that he will change and act like I do. Whenever we talked on the phone it was most times because it was me who called, he was always available whenever I wanted to talk but very few times it was his idea. But he still says I’m not making an effort. He expects more communication from my part.

    #752245 Reply

    Anne Ohio

    So he’s not happy and hes complaining. Not much you can do long distance.

    #752253 Reply

    Raven

    He’s acting like a 14 year old…

    #752273 Reply

    Salsa

    It bothers me that he doesn’t see all the good moments together. He’s thinking just about me not saying good morning or not commenting on a message he sent me.

    #752305 Reply

    Lol

    This isn’t going anywhere and you know it. A good morning text? Pathetic.

    #752308 Reply

    Ewa

    I think you are dating a woman haha

    #752309 Reply

    Salsa

    Well, the night before he got upset I went out for dinner with a friend. On the way back home i sent a long audio to let him know how the night went. I didn’t say good night because I knew he would listen in the morning. He was upset because I didn’t send a good night message, even though I had sent a very long audio message. It’s irritating.

    #752310 Reply

    Ewa

    how old is he? cause this is weird, it’s like he is looking for an excuse to argue with you lol

    #752311 Reply

    Lol

    Sounds like he is 14 years old.

    #752321 Reply

    Salsa

    He’s 28.

    #752400 Reply

    Lol

    Good luck with that.

    #752402 Reply

    Nellie

    Are you his first girlfriend?

    #752557 Reply

    MHC

    Sounds to me like he is extremely insecure, but also manipulative and emotionally controlling. It is a matter of time before you will be walking on eggshells around him, second guessing every message you send him and everything you say to him for fear of him taking it badly. The way he says he’s going to try and start behaving like you is concerning as well. Take it from someone who was in a year-long relationship with a very similar person (and regrets every day of it) – this will not end well. Cut your losses.

    #752618 Reply

    Omg

    What is the point if you live so far away? If you can’t close the gap of distance, it’s going to just die a slow death. Men don’t do long distance. They need to be with a woman in person. That’s how they bond. He does sound insecure, but that’s the distance. And while it’s really unattractive and immature, he isn’t feeling secure with you so this is going to end. I’m not saying you should text or call more. I’m saying this distance thing isn’t working and unfortunately you don’t know if it would get better if you were closer or not.

    What’s the end game here? Perpetual long distance? How long have you been doing this? How many times have you spent in person?

    #754854 Reply

    Salsa

    @ Nelly. I’m not his first girlfriend but according to him I’m his second.

    @MHC. I don’t like it when he says he will behave like me. It seems he’s trying to take revenge.

    @ Omg. Right now we can’t plan to be together. We have met 12 times, every time we met for one or two weeks, sometimes a month. The longest was six seeks.

    #754858 Reply

    Undine spragg

    He loves you, but simply is, at this time, incapable of communicating like an adult.

    Hes a whiner.

    #754887 Reply

    Lol

    What’s the point in being together?

    #754907 Reply

    henriette

    People have very different communication expectations. Some people want hourly messages, with good morning and goodnight messages. Some people expect a response to every joke they send. etc

    Other people like myself, like a good morning message, and a quick chat at night just to catch up. Hourly messages will drive me up the walls, and i don’t bother to respond to jokes and memes.

    Honestly, my way drives most men insane. they feel i’m not interested enough

    Personally I feel neither are wrong, it’s just different expectations. If you can’t accept it, you’re not compatible

    I’m not going to change who I am. So unless a man accepts I don’t communicate much, we’re never going to work in other words. not because either of us is wrong. we’re just not compatible

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