This topic contains 31 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 2 months, 4 weeks ago.
August 19, 2019 at 8:34 am #760627
long story short; I had a date with a guy on Friday, both 29 and he was really keen to see me again, however he mentioned during the date that he cheated on his ex gf and that he has only been single for 6 weeks.
for me it is a massive no no so I said after a date that I will not be seeing him again.
but I just want to hear your opinions as he said to me that I shouldn’t judge him based on past relationship but I know from my previous experience that once someone cheats they will do it again no matter who they are with. do you agree?
thanksAugust 19, 2019 at 9:59 am #760629
if you have already told him no than that’s that. move on.August 19, 2019 at 10:13 am #760631
I am not asking about him I am asking in general. do guys that cheated in previous relationship deserve a chance or not ?August 19, 2019 at 10:34 am #760633
No second chances for cheeters.
One date & he told you about his indiscretions?!August 19, 2019 at 10:53 am #760634
yes he said it on the first date, I am glad he did though because at least I didn’t waste my time :)August 19, 2019 at 11:28 am #760636
I dont believe that every person that has cheated will do it again in every new relatitionship. People mature and get different goals like keeping together a family. But the fact he told you on a first date and he is 6 weeks out of a relationship would made me stop seeing him tooAugust 19, 2019 at 2:39 pm #760649
I think it really comes down to a person’s character as to whether or not they would cheat again. Was it a fluke or a character flaw? Character is hard to figure out based on one date or even a handful of dates. So in the end I think it’s probably safer to just assume it’s a flaw in their moral makeup and move on like you did.
But it seems so odd that he told you that on the first date. Weird.August 19, 2019 at 3:17 pm #760656
I think the situation that brings a person to cheat is important to understand also. This guy cheated in his last relationship but why? Was it just an aspect of his personality where 1 woman will never be enough? Is he always looking for someone “better”?
I agree with Newbie, he’s only 6 weeks out of the relationship that (I’m assuming) he messed up. That’s not a good sign.August 19, 2019 at 4:14 pm #760665
I dont think every one who cheats, will always cheat.August 19, 2019 at 6:49 pm #760680
My guess: the reason he told you about the cheating on the first date is because it’s been on his mind. It’s only been 6 weeks, of course he’s been replaying the rship/breakup in his head. Probably has blamed himself a ton for the cheating, and attributed it as the top reasons for the breakup. Telling a new person absolves him of the guilt to some extent.
As for the question, I agree with others that it depends on how/why. I have this rough idea that the likelihood of cheating again is highest if they’re still in the same relationship. Because a breakup has this inherent quality/kick of self-reflecting and improving oneself that making up/forgiveness can never have. Personally though I don’t think could, even if I wanted to, forgive a partner for physically cheating on me. Props to those who have the strength to look past it I guess.August 20, 2019 at 3:26 am #760708
so the reason he cheated was because he didn’t want to be with her anymore, he admitted it (the cheating) and she asked him to move out but then asked him after 3! days to live with her again and they were together 8 months after the cheating , so it wasn’t the reason for the breakup.
They broke up because he finally got the courage to say he doesn’t want to be with her.
he keeps messaging me since I told him I am no longer interested to give him a chanceAugust 20, 2019 at 9:49 am #760722
Better off single
My ex cheated on me twice in 8 years. The first time, we had been together about a year, I forgave it and never said anything. Mostly because I could not prove it with hard evidence and I was pregnant so I just chaled it up to my hormones being out of whack. The second time, 7 years later, I found her (a different woman) hair on my pillow. His reasoning for it was it could have come from anywhere. I tried to let it go but couldn’t. I knew deep down he was sleeping with someone else. We broke up, on good terms. He didnt even fight to get me to stay and was sad but okay with it. I took the kids and moved out. Then we remained friends which was a bad idea because all I wanted to talk about was what I did wrong in the relationship so it wouldn’t happen again. He was talking to someone else, much younger. A few months later, we decided to work it out. I took him back and he was still talking to that younger girl while we were together. I broke up with him again because I realized I deserve better. My take on it is he only wanted to be with me because I let him get away with it before (and pretty much everything) and maybe because of our kids anyway. He was trying to be with me out of conveinence because he had nowhere else to go. After a court appearance to get him out of paying child support and have both of us pay for our kid’s med insurance, he begged to try again. I just couldn’t bring myself to say yes. Part of me still does love him, I wouldn’t trust him enough to take him back. It never felt right with him from the start and I wasted years trying to make it right. Him and I just aren’t good for each other.
Like newbie said:
I dont believe that every person that has cheated will do it again in every new relatitionship. People mature.
In my first relationship, my ldr and I “broke up” which meant we got into a really bad argument, he stopped calling me everyday and didnt talk to me until he happened to be in my area to come see me (2 months later) and I slept with someone who pursued me and was kind of a psycho. I felt so horrible for doing it considered it cheating. I told myself I would never do it again and i never did. I never told him about it either.
Toward the end of my second relationship, due to knowing my ex was cheating, I had an emotional affair with a mutual friend. Nothing sexual or anything (I did not feel that kind of attraction toward him) I just spent more time with him than I did with my ex because he was giving me the time and attention that my jobless freeloading ex never seemed to have time to give me. That’s when I realized it was time to end it before I did do something stupid.
A guy who admits to cheating on a first date is a red flag. I would question him when it comes down to no longer wanting to be with me, would he do the same? The guy would have to really impress me, prove himself somehow, and connect with me on a level no other guy ever has to look over that.
You’re probably doing the right thing. If it does not feel right to you, do not follow through. It’s a waste of time. Plus, you may regret it when it’s over.August 20, 2019 at 1:33 pm #760749
At this point and juncture the cheating or reason he cheated is irrelevant. What’s relevant is he just came out of a dysfunctional relationship, and doesn’t have the emotional capacity or IQ to be in a healthy one. This one comes with a neon warning sign reading “Danger Ahead.”August 20, 2019 at 1:37 pm #760752
F offAugust 20, 2019 at 1:44 pm #760755
Yawn…same sh!t you spew day in, day out. Just more of the same dribble, so F off again.August 20, 2019 at 1:56 pm #760759
When dealing with piss ants, like yourself, I have very little to low tolerance or patience…so I’m flipping you the bird. See my middle finger?August 20, 2019 at 11:04 pm #760771
IQ stands for Intelligence Quotient.
Not jumping into your cat fight, just clarifying for everyone.
Carry on.August 20, 2019 at 11:27 pm #760772
I’m fully aware of what IQ stands for, which is why I used it, as he lacks the IQ of a normal person who break up with someone they don’t want to be with v. one who goes F’s others to prove what….he’s a moron. Some apparently lack “IQ.”August 21, 2019 at 5:31 am #760791
hey lane.. OMG is deliberately trying to rile you up. :-) ignore.
I agree that people change, evolve and mature. they may be brash, insensitive, immature and self absorbed to cheat and not care enough about their partners. but they may change as they mature and start giving importance to relationships. but in this case, what stands out is him telling you very proudly that he cheated on his ex gf. that’s kind of sick I think. either that’s his way of telling you not to take him seriously or that he’s really dumb. take your pick. either which way both options are non starters.
u can meet him again if you are in two minds but I get the feeling this wont go down well. all the best.August 21, 2019 at 5:35 am #760792
thanks for your input, but I’d rather sit on my own that meet a guy (again) who not only cheated but wasn’t even brave and respectful enough to leave that girl knowing he doesn’t want to be with her.
I am not desperate, and I do not believe people change ;)August 21, 2019 at 8:45 am #760801
Lol, you’re still a pissant.
IQ = The whole of cognitive or intellectual abilities required to obtain knowledge, and to use that knowledge in a good way to solve problems that have a well described goal and structure.”
Obviously you and this dude lack IQ.August 21, 2019 at 8:51 am #760805
Nikki good job! You have a good head on your shoulders, and will go far in life if you can weed these kind of dudes out early. Much better to be single and happy, than with an arse like this and miserable.