Cheated on and losing everything, biggest mistake I've ever made.


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This topic contains 31 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #769246

    LoveIsDead

    So this is what it feels like to be cheated on.😢
    4 months of all the love I had down the drain. Turns out I’m the other women and, he has girlfriend committed to him(she knows he cheats). I might just lose everything,she’s pissed at me and is going to try to get me fired Monday. So come Monday I may lose my job,home and everything. I live paycheck to paycheck and without this job I lose everything. I’m so f*cked because she has our text messages and, it’ll get us fired if our job sees them. He doesn’t know Sunday I’m coming over with her there(she knows about it) and, I might just kill him instead of talking to him. Hey my life is over so why not take him down with me. I had my suspicions of another girl,turns out I’m the other one. I gave him so many opportunities to come clean and, just break it off with me if there was another.😡😭 I feel horrible for the girlfriend but she won’t leave him and, just takes it out on the woman he uses. That’s not fair,if I knew for sure he wasn’t single then I wouldn’t have been with him. Yes I had suspicions,but when asking him he’d always have a believable excuse. The doubt was there in the back of my mind but I pushed it away. Now I’m losing everything while he may just be out of a job. Yes I was completely stupid to try to date a coworker,but we kept our relationship separate from work until this Friday(his idea and I felt pressured). His girlfriend found the messages and put 2 and 2 together. So there’s goes my job and life gone over one mistake. First love and last one,I’m done getting hurt. I don’t know what to do.

    #769248

    Better off single

    Take it from someone who has lost everything (more than once) and my sanity at one point:

    You can not control what people do just how you respond to it. More often than not, no matter what you do, they’re going to be angry/disappointed with you anyway. It’s their problem with you not yours. The best thing to do is gather as much strenth as you can in this weak moment and keep moving forward. You can not make everyone happy so make yourself happy. start looking for a new job.

    You are going to be ok and it takes time and maybe a few set backs, you will get back on track. Stay positive.

    #769251

    Raven

    Why would you lose your job over this?

    #769255

    LoveIsDead

    @raven

    I’ll lose my job because I was really stupid and, let him pressure me into doing it at work. I texted him “no it was a bad idea and if caught we’d both be fired”. After some more text’s I gave in and decided to “trust him” like he said. He said “it’d be fine and no one would know”, but his girlfriend found our texts. I didn’t know he was with another girl. I’ve always followed the rules and have never NEVER broken or did anything wrong. This was the first time I have ever did anything that would have dangerous/bad consequences. I was so STUPID and let him pressure me into doing it there. I always kept our relationship separate from work. Now over one mistake come Monday I won’t have a job,I’ll lose my place within the week. I feel so stupid,hurt and angry.

    #769281

    LoveIsDead

    I’m doing my head in over here,I’m so STUPID STUPID STUPID. Why did I fall for a cheater? Why didn’t I listen to my gut instinct? There were red flags now that I look at it, but he ALWAYS had a perfectly reasonable and believable excuse. I just feel so stupid.😭

    #769285

    Karen

    Get some therapy. If I was on the brink of losing a job the last place I would post is on a dating forum.

    #769302

    L

    You had sex at work?

    #769307

    Sophia

    Everyone knows if you get caught having sex at work you get fired. What I don’t understand is why you’re blindsiding him at his place with the girlfriend there. What’s the point of that?

    #769314

    LoveIsDead

    @Sophia
    Because I want answers,to know if he really is with her or if she’s just making it up. It doesn’t matter what his answer is,I’m done I can’t have her holding crap over my head. If he just told me he was with someone else then I would of left him alone. Now I’m finding out he has someone else and,she’s pissed at me. I don’t think I can get an honest answer from him unless she’s there too. You can’t lie if we’re both in the same room. I’m not gonna kill him,maybe hit him for lying to me for so long.

    #769315

    L

    So you get to lose your job on Monday and go to jail for assault today? Sounds like a plan.

    #769330

    Sophia

    Going today doesn’t seem like a good plan. Your thread talks about you finding out that you’re the other woman, and you consistently refer to her as his girlfriend. You even said she’s aware of his cheating but stays with him, so you already know they are together.

    Talk to her and explain he lied the whole time about her, that you shouldn’t lose your job because he’s a cheater and she’s mad at him. Obviously you’re never going to talk to him again.

    But I doubt very much she’s going to show the texts to anyone else, let alone his workplace. Cancel the plans and just go to work as usual tomorrow. This will all blow over.

    #769333

    Liz Lemon

    Won’t he lose his job also, if the girlfriend tries to tell your job what happened? It was two of you having sex. He was just as guilty as you. Do you think she will throw her boyfriend under the bus too? I suppose she might, if she’s really furious with him. But she might not. I just point that out because she might not actually do it.

    #769341

    LoveIsDead

    Yeah I didn’t think about the jail thing. Maybe I won’t go. But I got a text this morning from him, telling me “not to believe her and she’s just a crazy EX” of his. A small part of me wants to believe that but,the way she was talking I don’t think she is an EX. I mean why give her your phone if she’s just an “EX” and is “crazy”. I haven’t responded to him. So many questions and if it did turn out true that she is crazy,I can’t be with him with her in the way. I don’t want to have her hanging over me constantly if I date him. I’m done with him and, it hurts cause now I’m questioning what she said. I mean her story makes more sense then his,but there’s always that small possibly that he’s telling the truth. I already made a stupid mistake once,I can’t go back to him and make it worse for myself. I’m glad I didn’t go over there yesterday,I probably would of been sitting in jail for assault now if I did.

    #769356

    Amy

    What kind of job is this and what kind of an employer would actually sift through a bunch of texts (which if it’s his phone most likely that’s invasion of privacy anyways)? This girl is nuts and threatening you to keep you away. Which you should because she’s psycho and he’s a pathological liar. Confronting him at his place is also crazy. Just stay out of it what good are you going to get from this? No matter what he says it’s a lie so you’re never going to get the truth. Block that guy and his crazy gf. If anyone says anything to you at work DENY DENY DENY. And stay silent about anything.

    #769357

    LoveIsDead

    @Amy

    I have never done anything wrong in entire my life. I just can’t believe I let myself be blindsided to actually doing something so risky. I know I could of stuck to my guns and said no and kept it that way. My emotions just got the better of me and my bad judgement,plus his insistence on doing it. My job is strict with rules sometimes and, if she makes a scene then we’re both fired. Which won’t hurt him because he has his crazy girlfriend to fall back on. While I’ll lose a job and in a week my place and everything I own. I’m usually so level headed and stick to all the rules. I never break any,which people call me boring for doing that. I guess I just wanted to live a little and not think of the bad. I mean I didn’t think he’d have a girlfriend and, this would blow up in my face.

    #769358

    LoveIsDead

    I mean I went over it with him in text of all my concerns about actually doing it at work. I was really paranoid of getting caught and,he just sweet talked it all away. I held on for a couple of hours of “no’s”,until finally I just said “ok fine”. Which I really regret now. I know it takes 2 to tango,but it was going to be a one thing only. I was stressing so bad afterwards, panicking that someone at work would find out. Turns out I was worrying over the wrong people. We texted because he’s on the other side of the building and, I don’t see him much at work besides passing by here and there. So the text messages show proof that we were going to do it there,but I guess I could lie and say we changed our minds. I just don’t know if they’ll believe it or her. I’ve been at my job for 6 years and have a great record. He’s been there almost a year and is a great worker too. I’m just so ashamed of myself and ,if any of my coworkers found out about this.

    #769360

    LoveIsDead

    I’m so scared to go into work Monday. What if they tell me I’m fire? I’m not good at lying,so I never do it. I was completely honest with him and he took advantage of that. I know I’m throwing a pity party for myself right now. Do I try to lie Monday if asked?

    #769361

    Karen

    How old are you? First of all just who would she go to? She doesn’t know your boss. You think she’s going to just walk in, with HIS phone, and ask someone to read text messages? So she’s going to steal his phone and bring it in? Doesn’t he carry his phone and won’t he be at work when she plans to do this? That’s nuts. And if she is his gf why would She Jean Parsi end his job? I doubt she wants him living off of her. None of it makes any sense. Stop communicating with him. Block his number and delete it. Get on with your life.

    #769365

    LoveIsDead

    @karen

    We’re both in our early 20’s.
    Well apparently she had his phone or she wouldn’t have call me to tell me about our messages she read. So she could of screen shot them and sent them to her phone. She could call corporate or just bring it in to my boss. She told me they’ve been together for 3 years and knows he cheats,and doesn’t plan on letting him go. Also that I knew the consequences of sleeping with him and I better be prepared. How was I supposed to know about her??? Geez even if I did he’s texting me that she’s just a crazy EX. I mean I could probably ignore her for a bit and believe him,but there would always be that doubt. I’m done with him,but I’m afraid she already went through with something. Why take it out on me? He’s the cheater and she chooses to stay with him. It’s not my fault I didn’t know they were together.

    #769379

    Amy

    Is he in a higher position than you? Probably not because you said you’re both in your early twenties. So you started this job at like 17? Why is he with this nutcase still? And its not like they’re married so she has no legal ties to him. Not to mention her coming in and saying that will only further her lack of mental stability. Just stop texting him and why does he allow her to go through his phone? Who cares actually just stop communicating with him. It will only provide further evidence of your relationship or wtf it is. Use your common sense this guy is a bundle of red flags. Even if there are text messages it’s not up to the employer to act as a detective. Unless there is footage of you having sex in a stairwell or something then really there is nothing. Stay quiet. You aren’t under interrogation and by continuing this lousy relationship you are potentially creating more of a reason for people to suspect your involvement.

    #769387

    Liz Lemon

    Yeah, I work in HR type stuff and I can assure you HR will not want to get involved in some petty drama like this. There’s no way on earth an HR manager or supervisor would sit and sift through screenshots of some guy’s phone based on what his obviously angry and bitter girlfriend is saying. They will politely ask her to leave at best.

    Now if YOU, as an employee, went to HR with texts claiming this guy (a fellow employee) was harassing you or propositioning you for sex, and showed them proof, that would be different. But they’re not gonna listen to some crazy girlfriend coming in from the outside with screenshots or whatever. None of that is proof that anything happened. Talking about having sex is not proof that sex happened on the job.

    The only way I could see them getting involved in a scenario like this is if the guy was making threats against people at work, especially given what’s going on in the world today. But that isn’t what happened.

    As someone said, unless they have hard proof, like security camera footage or eyewitnesses, that the two of you had sex somewhere at work, none of this will hold water.

    #769399

    FancyNancy

    You need to get a grip on yourself fast. You’ve just publicly threatened in writing to kill someone. 1) NEVER do that again, even as a joke. And even though you said you wouldn’t you said you’d assault him. Bad idea to say it in public in writing and bad idea to go and do it.

    You need to go get advice on this situation from someone in real life, not strangers on the internet. In the meantime, do not go and see either him or her and stop talking to them.

    The people who are saying you won’t get fired for this are right. If she goes in to management or HR on Monday, she’s going to make herself look like a nut case. Just clam up and don’t say anything further or you could create more liability for yourself. If you really have to speak, just say you weren’t aware he was involved with another woman or you wouldn’t have gotten involved with him.

    For you and anyone else reading, this is why you don’t get sexually or romantically involved with people at work.
    And no man is worth risking everything you need and value in your life over.

    Beating on yourself isn’t going to help. You’re right, you made poor choices here. OK. It’s done. Learn from it and move on as fast as you can. And you may want to find another job.

    #769406

    LoveIsDead

    @FancyNancy

    I wasn’t going to kill him “kill him” it’s just a saying. I was really pissed and hurt. I’m thinking more of the lines of hitting him ,then shooting him or something. I was talking about if I lose everything then he should too,because he’s the one who lied to me. It’s not fair that I get left with the crap bag while he gets off Scot free. I went on here to vent and see how I could fix this situation. I can’t lose this job since all my bills are tied to it. I’m just really scared to go into work and hear that I’m fired. It’s true the only proof she has is the text messages. No one else’s knows what we did,no cameras in/on work building,no one saw us together. I’m just afraid of this off chance they take her side over mine. Trust me I’ve learned my lesson,I’m not going over there anymore. I’ve cut off contact with him.

    #769411

    Karen

    You are thinking of lines of wanting to shoot him? Where is the ANM moderator?

    #769417

    LoveIsDead

    @karen

    No I’m not shooting him. I said it as an example. When I got the news I had a lot of anger and wanted to hit him or hit something. Thats what I meant when I said I wanted to “kill him” it’s an expression. I’ve calmed down a lot since talking to some people. I’m not going over to him and I’m not contacting him. The hurt is taking over right now. So now I’m just really depressed that I fell into a trap of a cheater and was used.

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