Caught in a funky dilema

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  kaye 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #745671 Reply


    Quick intro. I am newly ‘single’ from a 3+ years relationship. I am not going in to specifics. 2 years ago, we joined a soaring club. I have always wanted to learn how to fly sailplanes, so we took an intro flight and loved it. My GF at the time took a ride as well. I thought she would hate it. We both joined this club. So, we are not together any more. It would be very painful to see this woman at the gliderport. We both work so only weekends. The issue is knowing when she will be there. I had sent an email suggesting to email the club saying she will be there on such n such day (Sat or Sun). I am on that email list, so I would get. This would prevent contact between us. She rejected this idea. So, I replied back saying to contact my sister (a 3rd party) to say when she planned going. Again, she rejected that. And again I replied back, this time annoyed saying “fine, I will text you one time a week, Friay if I can to tell what day I planned to be there”. And in the same email I mentioned that if she brought a “special guest” to let me know.

    Well, I can’t do this. I cut off all form of communication. Deleted her number, blocked it from calling, blocked her, her friends/family on Facebook. SO, I am doing what I need to do and that is “radio silence” – NO CONTACT at all. That means I do not want to text, call or anything else to tell what I planned to do. Period. But, it would suck to see her at this airfield. This is a sport that requires 200% attention, focus and concentraton. If she is there, that will make it extremely hard, and very dangerous for the both of us.

    So, anyone recommend a way around the “who will be there when” so both parties know with constant texting, callingt etc…?

    #745676 Reply


    Well, that is not easy.

    I guess all you can do is show up, and if she is there, and it causes you stress, you need to leave.

    #745678 Reply

    Anne Ohio

    I know this will sound cold, dude, but get a new hobby. You don’t have to go to the port. You can move on.

    Her next boyfriend will probably have no interest in gliding, so she will be gone eventually.

    Girls tend to follow a guy’s hobby. So she’ll follow her next guy’s hobby rather than him follow her.

    Quit being stubborn and insisting on going there.

    Stay away until you have healed. Yor suggestion that she emailed the club was kinda babyish. Just buck up and do something else.

    #745682 Reply


    Well, doing another hobby is out. It is a life time dream to fly. This woman does not even want to fly solo. I am eager to race, buy a glider. And the person who said when she meets another man, you’re right. I very seriously doubt she will follow that guy. And, just an fyi, we are not kids. We are in our later 50’s. My comment about emailing the club was to save us both the trouble of directly communicating to each other. The club members don’t care. Her emailing the club would be just for her to say, “hey, I’ll be out there on Saturday. Who is instructing” – that would inform me that she’ll be there.

    #745693 Reply


    This is your issue to deal with. You cannot expect her to construct her life around your breakup going forward. That is ridiculous to ask. Just because you can’t handle seeing her does not mean she has to be sending emails texts or whatever to alleviate your anxiety. No one is responsible for that but you. If only it were so easy in life that people who make us uncomfortable could see us coming and get out of the way because we are too fragile to be uncomfortable… sorry but you need to grow up.

    If you can’t handle seeing her then you need to stop going there until you can. I’m really surprised that as a 50+ year old man you can’t see that is your yard to clean up. May I ask why you broke up?

    #745712 Reply


    Do you have to sign up? If so, just call the airfield and see if she booked anything, if not, then go…easy peasy

    #745714 Reply


    Since you both work and expect her to be there on the weekends, why not take a day off work of a half day off work during the week and go then? Certainly you have vacation days. Then you’ll know for certain you won’t run into her. You cannot expect her to keep you apprised of her whereabouts now that you are broken up. She doesn’t need to tell you her comings and goings at all. If she doesn’t want to fly solo I really don’t see her keeping this up as a hobby.

    Alternatively I’m sure you know the instructors and people who manage the club by now. Why can’t you call the club and ask who’s there for the day before you go? I’m sure they will understand why you’re asking. In the meantime work on moving forward and getting to a point where seeing her isn’t going to mess up your concentration.

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