Can I undo a breakup with my girlfriend?


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This topic contains 23 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Tallgirl 3 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #750868 Reply

    Rob

    Me and my girlfriend were together for 7months. We had great chemistry, able to still enjoy talking to each other for hours, even after the honeymoon phase is over, and most importantly we have similar goals for our future. Up until now my only issue with her sometimes was she would be unrealistic with how often she wanted us to talk thruout the day, between the times we would see each other but that’s not abnormal. Sure we would have petty arguments but that’s it. She was involved in a car accident months back n was in the hospital. That only brought us closer, when she came home we discussed plan for our future. 2 days later she was rehospitalized. When she came home she was suddenly spastic, obsessive, she came to my house bc she thought I was ignoring her. Now, She is probably the most levelheaded woman I know so that was very strange. We argued and she left. I was so done so We broke up. Fast forward to today, I texted her to give her her stuff. Her sister responded who friggin hates me and never liked me for her sister texts back from my now ex gf phone. At her last hospital stay the doc overprescribed 2 diff antidepressants, only 1 of which she needed and the sister told me eventually figured out something wasn’t right bc she wasn’t acting playful and energetic like normal, and come to find out she went thru manic episodes as result of these meds. I feel like crap and want my gf back now that I know she wasn’t just acting like a nutcase for poops n giggles.

    #750874 Reply

    L

    You broke up after one argument?

    #750882 Reply

    Tia

    Same question as L.
    If you’re so quick to break up when something doesn’t go your way, well, leave the poor girl alone, you don’t love her.
    She’ll find the right man who will stick by her side during tough times and everyone will be happy.

    #750886 Reply

    constance

    Just leave the poor girl alone, she deserves better.

    #750909 Reply

    Lane

    I agree with others that if you can so easily dump someone who’s going through a difficult time after a horrible accident instead of being sympathetic and understanding that they are not only suffering physically but mentally but need TIME to properly heal then you’re not cut out to handle the hard knocks and curveballs of life. Not sure how old you are but learning and developing some empathy and sympathy towards others might be something you need to learn and develop so you don’t run away so easily. Do you want to be a rock; steadfast and strong in the face of adversity or a scared little rabbit?

    #750932 Reply

    Rob

    Hey L,

    Nah it wasn’t after one argument. We have before for similar topics, I broke up with her because she came to my house acting crazy and proceeded to text me for days over and over

    #750935 Reply

    leave it be

    Your actions showed her who you were, so no. Leave her alone and maybe take it as a lesson on how to be more empathetic with future girlfriends.

    If that advice doesn’t sink in, realize if you try to get her back you will look like a complete a-h*le.

    #750959 Reply

    Stephen

    I have noticed a double standard here at ANM. We’ve all read women complaining about bfs with ‘issues’ and the advice to them is always:’oh sweet girl you are not his therapist. He should be dealing with his issues himself and if he won’t then dump his a*s. You don’t want to be stuck with a lame boyfriend. It is not your job to be an unpaid therapist! You don’t want to listen to his moaning or deal with his moodiness. Relationships should be light and fun not dark and heavy’.

    However the advice to the OP is:’ Oh my God she is dealing with a serious issue and you don’t want to be her therapist/social worker?! What is wrong with you? You should be her rock! Jeez what is wrong with men today?!’

    I say to the OP unless you are a psychiatric nurse move on.

    #750962 Reply

    Rob

    To Stephen,

    My girlfriend hasn’t had any mood swings towards me before this incident and her being wrongfully prescribed antidepressants. I know her to be a spicy, but reasonable and level headed woman. I broke up with her because I thought she was acting like a nutcase and I didn’t know how things could escalate. BUT. Knowing what I know now, her friend, family, and I know she has never acted this way and they found out the issue with the quack of a neurologist prescribing her meds she never should be taking. Why? Because she was her regular bubbly self before she was prescribed it.

    #750964 Reply

    Stephen

    It seems you’ve made up your mind to reconcile with her if at all possible. Just bare in mind that there is a good chance that she’d drop you if the positions were reversed. Not only that she’d be applauded by other women for doing so.

    #750966 Reply

    Tallspicy

    You dumped her after one incident without even discussing it? I would not reconcile with you. Your behavior shows that you are not capable of the following:

    A. Looking at past behavior to decide how to deal with something. Somethign happens,delay, response.
    B. Talking out a problem and making a request to see if it gets better.

    I would not take you back. You have shown youself to be able to deal with conflict in any other way than bailing.

    I am not saying that you should have stayed with her, but you could have said “your behavior right now is not tenable for me. I need this, this and that” Or – wow, what is going on? You have never behaved like this before.

    #750967 Reply

    Tallspicy

    oops, you have *not* shown yourself.

    Btw, I would only take you back if you said….

    I am very sorry. I behaved rashly, and I am getting therapy to learn how to better deal with conflict in a relationship and communicate better when something problematic happens.

    #750971 Reply

    Rob

    Hey Tallspicy,

    That’s the thing, When she showed up to my house the day after being home after the rehospitalization, I did tell her not to do that anymore and that I would get better with calling even though I speak to her several times thru out the day normally, but she was notably irate and off-kilter, now I know why, but yeah. We definitely spoke the day she popped up at the house and I said that to do that act and how she was starting to act was turning me off. I will take responsibility for telling her I would text her even after that argument. I actually didn’t text her, and that prompted a string of calls and texts from her. I take full accountability for that. My thoughts were she’s acting bizarre and unstable (very unlike her) and I’ve been in situations with other exes who REALLY were nuts so I didn’t want things to turn for the worst

    #750973 Reply

    Nathalie

    If this happened under the circumstances that you stated I dont see why a reconciliation is impossible.

    Because for one I’m sure she can understand that her behaviours were off too and it pushed you away. However, the others are right that you shouldn’t bail on a person you love just like that when the going gets though but we’re all learning I guess, so if you can have a serious conversation with her a lot of things can be sorted out and explain. But she has to want the same too. If she doesn’t and has already moved on from you then it wont work. But there is no harm in apologising and take responsibility for the untimely break up especially if it’s a first time occurrence.

    To put your mind at ease so you can move forward too, I would man up and call her and try to meet with her if possible and have a productive adult conversation about all of this. You can both listen and understand and grow from this experience. You mentioned that her sister doesn’t like you, probably because she thinks you mistreat her sister often, so maybe your character needs a little shaping up too. And maybe you need to treat her better in general.

    So if she denies you this chance to meet or talk this through, then you know its not what she wants anymore and you can move on knowing you tried. Make sure you truly tried though and not do things “halfassly”. When a woman is done it’s a wrap for you so act right. Good luck.

    #750979 Reply

    Rob

    Hey Nathalie,

    Thank u so much for your feedback! This is an opportunity to really learn her triggers, boundaries, etc and vice versa. I wanna do things the right way with her. I told her I’ll see her this Saturday.

    #750980 Reply

    Nathalie

    That’s great if she accepted to meet. Keep us posted.

    #750981 Reply

    peggy

    Hi Rob-if you”knew her”-you should have known she was acting “out of character”. & months should be long enough to know her behavior and patterns. Besides taking the wrong meds,she had a traumatic event (the accident) and could even have had brain/head injuries. The fact that you did not think of these things and try to see what was happening and get her help,tells me you seem pretty “all about you”. You can try to explain and get back together,but I do not think if I was her,I would take you back.

    #750982 Reply

    peggy

    Meant 7 months should be long enough…

    #750994 Reply

    Ok

    Your timeline feels off. You said the accident was ‘months ago’. And the readmission was shortly after that. How long have you waited to give her her stuff back? And why didn’t you call her and not text her? Feels like you rushed to dump her and now almost by accident you dies over it was medication and now magically want her back.you said the accident brought you closer together but I don’t see how. She does have an underlying mental health issue, you realize this don’t you? My guess is that they didn’t just start these anti depressants, but may have altered them while in hospital. And if not, surely she must have informed you she was on psychotropic medications which would have been your first clue that yes, she is dealing with emotional AND physical issues. My point is, this may not ever go away and she may again in the future have issues will medications and emotional stabilization. Are you prepared to deal with this? Because she doesn’t need a partner who just bails on her because he decided she started acting crazy. If she didn’t have issues before she may have sustained some brain injury during the accident that now requires medications, have you discussed with her before the outcome if the accident and residual affects and treatments? Why was she rehispitalized?

    Unlike Stephen I am not suggesting you become a therapist. But I am curious if you were planning a future why you would not have been more interested in what was going on with her medically as this may affect your future together.

    #751009 Reply

    Rob

    To “Ok”

    To clarify, we have known each other for over a year, we’ve been in a relationship for 8 months. Her accident was mid-March. She got out of the hospital on May 9th. She was rehospitalized May 13th after she kept complaining of serious back pain and eventually passed out while out with her best friend. After she came from the hospital that second time, her sister noticed she was acting strange m. That lines up with the timing of her being overprescribed antidepressants which according to her family, her surgeon informed them she was never needing and THAT is why she began acting bizarre and irate. And to respond to your implying she’s had brain injuries, actually she had not. Only a spinal injury.

    It appears that you wish to infer she has either a pre-existing mental issue or developed one. Please read with your finger and not your heart. I explicitly stated in my OP that she has not behaved in an unstable or strange manner to me EVER. I also shared the text from her sister where she is saying ultimately the same thing. I will rephrase it since I think you did not read that part… My girlfriend is known by all those close to her to be level headed, bubbly, and humble even when she is wrong. There is NO history of mental illness

    #751012 Reply

    Ok

    First you said you were in a relationship 7 months and now you say 8 months. Then you say she was read it Ted after two days, but the dates you just provided indicate it wasn’t until after four days. First you say she was over prescribed the medication and only needed one antidepressant and not two. Above you say she never needed an anti depressant, she has no history of mental health issues and is always happy and bubbly. Anti depressants aren’t just randomly prescribed. So why in your first post did you say she actually did need antidepressants but not two? I know I sound picky but you don’t seem to be consistent in your facts.

    A spinal injury does not mean she could not have suffered brain injury. Upon impact when the body and spine are jerked, such as in whiplash, the brain actually bounces around in the skull. There is space between skill and brain so if hit from behind, for example, and the head and neck are lunged forward, the brain will also move forward in the skull and can cause injury.

    I’m surprised no one bothered to ask why she was on the anti depressants in the first place. Including her. Are

    No one asked why? I would never just take a medication without knowing what it’s for. I would have thought you or her sister would have at least asked. It doesn’t make sense if her demeanor was great for them to give her this medication.

    I also think it’s odd you never connected the injury as a possible reason for her change since you say this was so out of character. You know her a whole year and now you say you just balked it up to her being crazy? Your post above makes your case even worse, because you never sought out a reason why the change, you just dumped her.

    I would not want you back. Besides I believe based on what you write that there were issues prior to this where you got upset about her need for constant contact with you. This change only enhanced the need, but it was always already there.which is why I believe you didn’t seek out what was wrong, you just chocked it up to her being more extreme about wanting attention from you. And I guess I don’t see why you would be upset about her coming to see you directly if you are a BFF planning a future with her.

    I also wonder why her sister hates you. I realize it could be for non realistic reasons, but that piece of information suggest you may have characteristics that to an outside person aren’t appealing. And now you have given her another reason to dislike you.

    I think if you want a shot at getting her back you should go see her in person and not hide behind a phone. This isn’t something to be texting about. Set up time to bring her things back and ask if you can spend some time talking about what happened. Then it’s up to her. Just know that she might not be quick to rekindle because in the back of her mind she will always be afraid of when you go off again and do the same thing.

    #751033 Reply

    tammy

    just get in touch with her casually and ask her how she is doing? that your sorry with how things ended between you two.. take it from there…

    #751035 Reply

    Louise

    If you’ve discussed your history with her (‘actual’ crazy ex(es?)) then telling her you panicked is a damned good start for an apology about abandoning her in her hour of need.

    #751057 Reply

    Tallgirl

    The fact that you call one or more of your exes crazy is alarming. Either you choose crazy or you participate in a crazy system that is also of your making. Men who badmouth their exes are a major red flag, especially not owning how they got there. And their part in that dynamic.

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