Boyfriend Losing Interest


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  • #789297 Reply
    lauren

    I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months now. We are coworkers. Things started intense between us. We had amazing chemistry, and we were both super attracted to each other. He asked me to be his gf after one official date (we did talk for a month before the date since we are coworkers). He took me to see his parents and said he loves me all within a month. He was a really good bf in the beginning. He walked me home everyday, cleaned my room/bathroom when I was gone, always offered to pay and take me out to nice places etc.

    But things started to change after 2 months. When we stayed together for a whole week, we fought a lot as he started to give me push backs on small things, and kept complaining about me not doing dishes. When we first started dating I told him I don’t like doing chores, and he agreed he would do most of it. He said he never liked princessy girls but with me he would learn how to treat a princess. But clearly he wasn’t happy doing all of the dishes even tho I cooked most of the times. Also he used to say I love you every night and then he stopped. When I asked him, he said it’s tiring to have to initiate saying that every night like a chore. I also wanted him to kiss me more both in texting and real life. But he said his family is not an affectionate family so he has to try really hard to be affectionate. Also he feels like texting me kisses like a chore too cuz he doesn’t normally do that. At one point he said he felt like I didn’t accept him as who he is, and I am very needy and always ask him to do stuff for me, he didn’t see as much of a future with me as in the beginning anymore.

    So I stopped asking him to kiss me all the time and asked me to do less of the small things (like cutting fruit for me etc). He became more affectionate in person. We got better for a while. But during corona quarantine time, his temper got worse again. One day he asks me what I want for lunch, he suggested some stuff but I basically said my roommate and I don’t like eating the same food all the time. He got upset saying Im very unappreciative and super picky. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. But we didn’t talk much for two days. On day 3, we had a serious talk/argument. He said he’s very burnt out with me since I don’t ever do dishes and he cooks a lot too. He said he is sometimes depressed and dont want to do anything and I don’t ever sense it and do more when he’s feeling down. He thinks Im selfish because I always demand things from him no matter what those things would make him feel. Like I asked him to quit his game if I’m losing in the game so I don’t have to be the only one losing etc.

    He said maybe we should break up. I was very sad and told him I liked him a lot and I just don’t know how to love someone. He was very sad too. I told him maybe I could change. He ended up staying with me for 2 more days and we had a great time. Before he left to go home 2 days later, he said he didn’t want to break up anymore, but he wanted some alone time, and didn’t want to text me good morning/night like he used to anymore since he felt like he always get blamed when he forgets. So we didn’t talk for a few days. We were gonna see each other a week later. But then his family member got contact with someone that has coronavirus, now his whole family is in quarantine and we can’t see each other for another 2 weeks at least. These days he still texts me everyday, but he is not affectionate at all. He never initiated calling me. It’s always me initiated calling/facetiming him. I feel like he barely put any effort into the relationship anymore. When he doesn’t feel like talking he just drops out of the conversation and replies next day. He never asks about my day and only talks about his issues when he initiates convo. But when I asked him if he wanted to break up, he acted surprised and said no.

    I would be so pissed before but now I’m trying to be more understanding especially he’s probably anxious about corona situation. But I’m honestly not very happy about how much he communicates with me. I know he’s losing interests because he thinks I’m needy/demanding/selfish/not independent or wtv. But I don’t know how to save this relationship or change that impression of his, or if it’s even possible or too late at this point? Sorry for the long post. I just want to hear some outside opinions.

    #789298 Reply
    Ss

    You sound pretty young and immature. The whole princess thing is a bit much – he isn’t your slave or maid! Why on earth should he cut up your fruit? Do all the washing up? Tell you he loves you first?!

    I think from what you’ve written you know what the issue is and that the issue is you; your behaviour and your expectations.

    It sounds like you guys got serious before actually really knowing one another. How you describe things is exhausting to read so i imagine its exhausting to live with. I’m sure he isn’t perfect but it really seems that you need to start to grow up. You can’t go through life helpless and expect your partner to be the grown up and deal with the boring chores etc. You need to ask yourself what you are bringing to this relationship bc all i can see is you demanding what you want all the time and not acting like an adult.

    I’m not sure how you change this situation as it seems to just be a part of who you are and maybe some guys will like being treated like an employee but i can’t imagine it will be high on anyone’s list!

    #789310 Reply
    Raven

    No one wants to do all of the work…

    #790440 Reply
    mell

    It’s only been a very short time, things fizzle out all the time. If it becomes hard work and there’s lots of arguments early on, you just aren’t compatible. This is your clashing personalities and wishes showing themselves.

    It sounds like you both got carried away. you may think you love each other after a month but you barely knew each other – which is why thngs suddenly took a turn for the worst when you both got to know each other better. You didn’t pick up on when he was upset because you were focused on yourself. Clearly your communication as a couple needs work.

    But no man is going to want to do 100% of the work. If you don’t like chores, tough – you should still be prepared to do your share. And you need to understand that his communication style will not change. Some people aren’t very into constant ” I love yous” etc but they show they care in other ways. If you need a man who makes grand gestures, you’ll need to find someone else. It sounds like you want osmoene who is much more affectionate and needy than the guy you are seeing.

    It really doesn’t sound like you are very compatible.

    #790758 Reply
    Jay

    Maybe you can learn doing some chores, otherwise this situation won’t change.

    Besides, what if you get marry someday? You can’t still be a princess when you’re a mom, right?

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