Bizzare phenomena


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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Better off single 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #754893 Reply

    Better off single

    What’s up with trying to be single since I broke up with my ex 4 years ago and being a d*ck magnet? I really do not want casual sex or pursue a romantic relationship with anyone until I can get my life (and my mind) together on my own. I sowed my wild oats and realized that I really just want to get my life together. I actually did go looking for a relationship and nothing worked out. I also felt it’s wrong to expect a relationship from someone who does already have it together when I don’t. It could build a lot of resentment. Especially, since it takes awhile to get it together with no experience in getting it together. All I understand from my dating experiences is I’m good enough for sex, nothing serious because I’m not a “quality” woman.

    I’ve tried the nice route. (the route I prefer)
    I’ve acted desperate and needy.
    I’ve been nasty and mean.
    I’ve gone days without brushing my hair, teeth, or showering.
    None of it works. They don’t stay away.

    Then they want to be “friends”. Can a guy who wants to pursue something romantic with a girl, really turn it off and be just friends?

    #754901 Reply

    Tallgirl

    Men and women can be friends. However, it usually starts by knowing each other through work or friends. Could also be online people who meet, like each other, but no chemistry.

    People who say men and women cannot be friends are missing out. I have multiple male friends, not as many as women. In my experience, it is women who are distrustful of being friends and push their men to cut people out of their lives. I have had two very close friends do that. In one case, it was merited – not because of me, but because of him. The other she was just jealous – of nothing.

    #754912 Reply

    kaye

    You can’t tell me as much time as you spend on here you don’t get what’s going on! You even said it yourself “I’m good enough for sex, nothing serious because I’m not a “quality” woman. ” These men aren’t wanting a relationship with you, they just want SEX! Because of that they don’t care if you are nice, mean, desperate, needy, dirty or clean. It’s just sex. That’s why they can have sex with you then just want to be friends, because they weren’t interested in an actual relationship with you anyway. So a woman who tells them she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now is going to attract them like a moth to flame. They know they can have casual sex and not worry about you trying to get them into a relationship. It’s that simple.

    #754924 Reply

    Better off single

    It’s not what I want right now though and some of these guys are attractive it would make it hard to say no and it bothers me when they try. So do I just call it for what it is, walk away and not have any guy friends?

    #754937 Reply

    A work in progress

    I’ll wind up casually seeing with a guy and end up getting physically and emotionally attatched. I take whatever abuse comes my way and look over their flaws because I do wind up caring deeply for the person and ultimatly I wind up miserable because I will want more out of it. He sees that and takes full advantage of the fact forgive easily and I love unconditionally so then, there’s that lack of respect. I still put up with it until I reach a breaking point and finally snap.
    The one thing I’ve been working on the most is being emotionally detached. It seems to be the only way to get by in this world these days.

    #754956 Reply

    tallgirl

    Oh honey, that is so sad. Do you lead with sex? even subconsciously? is that how you feel you get attention?

    #754972 Reply

    redcurleysue

    My dear heart. You need real friends. You need people who let you know in everyday life you are the cat’s cream.

    It sounds to me like you have been looking for quality in the five and dime store. You have to up your quality meter. One way to do that is to go where the good men go…to church, seminars, school, etc. Do not go to bars and such.

    Believe better about yourself and better will come your way….get counseling to up your self esteem…to get a better more realistic picture of yourself internally.

    Believe you deserve better and things will change for you.

    #754975 Reply

    Stephen

    Why is everyone suddenly so interested in Better Off?

    #754976 Reply

    Better off single

    No, patronizing Tallgirl, I just like sex. I put it off unless I really want it and know I would never see the guy after that and be okay with it because I don’t want anything serious with that person.

    After spending time with a guy, it’s what it eventually leads to and what they ultimately want. When the ones I say no to, it changes the dynamic. they realize they’re not getting anything and stop talking to me or won’t make the time to hang out or try to force it and that kills any attraction. Suddenly, I’m “crazy” or “in the closet” or there’s something wrong with me when weeks before he was going on about how amazing I am. My last relationship I gave in, it became something “exclusive” because he was telling me what I wanted to hear and we had good conversation. I broke up with him 3 times and each time he was okay with it.

    So, now, I guess guys think if I give my time and attention to them when they want it, I’m going to change my mind? When I say I don’t want a relationship, that includes sex. I’m trying to stay away from sex for awhile. Once I start I really don’t want to stop. I do get a sense of validation from it, that’s why I’d rather be in love when sex is involved. I feel cheap and worthless when it’s meaningless. Right now I want to just stay away from it and work on my emotional problems.

    All I want is a clear mind and a happy heart. It has nothing to do with what they are doing right or wrong, I let them know so they can pursue other options. Not be an immature d*ck about it because I’m “missing out”. I’m not completely at my best, I’m still a good person and I do enjoy the company and talks. I’m not some desperate, lonely, easily manipulated, easily trusting, damsel in distress anymore.

    I don’t want to be saved. I just want a partner when the time is right. I’m not right. So the timing won’t be either.

    #754978 Reply

    Better off single

    Thank you RCS. Great advice. I think maybe I’ll go back to getting involved at church. Not to meet men but I feel better when I serve others.

    #754986 Reply

    Better off single

    Did I piss in your cornflakes or something Stephen?

    #754988 Reply

    Raven

    Someone’s jelly…

    #755002 Reply

    Omg

    Because BOS is multi dimensional and Stephen is a flat boring diatribe of nothing and quotes off the internet.

    #755008 Reply

    A

    When you say they just want sex and not a relationship, maybe that’s because you are giving them exactly what they want. You’re also very bitter, and that’s a major turn off for guys. Do not act a certain way, act yourself! A guy is going to be attracted to you for you, not someone he thinks you are. I would try not to stress much about a relationship working. If it does great, if not, then move on. Respect yourself and go into a date with a good attitude. Also, it might be that you are dating all the wrong men, or ignoring red flags. A quality guy isn’t going to use a girl for sex just because they know they can.

    #755010 Reply

    Better off single

    Thanks for the advice A.

    I really appreciate Stephen’s presence and contributions to this forum. They’re informitive. Some of them really got under my skin and it got me thinking maybe it’s something I need to work on. So thank you Stephen.

    #755011 Reply

    Better off single

    Working on changing bitter to better it comes and goes in waves.

    I need to stop being so emotional and going on things based on feelings.

    I think I need to watch Star Treck and learn how to get a Vulcan mindset. 🖖

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