This topic contains 26 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Shoshannah 4 months, 2 weeks ago.
December 4, 2018 at 5:22 pm #731145
I have a new boyfriend and we get along very well, like the same things, have great chemistry and physical attraction when we are together.
However, we had sex 4 or 5 times already and I noticed he never cum when he’s with me. He first said it is because of the condom.
However, yesterday when we had sex, he just stop abrutly in the middle of it, went to the bathroom and came back. Then he directly told me that I turn him off with the sound I make and that my posture was not sexy at all, and that he feels unconfortable to tell me that because he never said that to a woman, and that he was very annoyed asking me if I had a complex, etc…
I was so choked that I was speechless to be honest, this blocked me completely because he said it very rude, so I started crying and yes I maybe overreacted. But instead of telling me that he was sorry having being rude to me, he said something even worse, he said I was a waste of time.
After this I didnt want to talk to him and asked him to drop me off at home.
On the way back he started to apologize and even said that we will make it work that he will show me how to please him etc…
I accepted his apologies but since this I feel something is broken in the relationship and I dont feel confortable anymore with him, and also cant consider making love to him again as I feel pressure..
Please guys I need your help, I need advice, what you think about that and if you already had this kind of post from other women in the past. I am very lost. I really liked him and now im just not ready to see him again despite he calls and texts me all the time..December 4, 2018 at 5:44 pm #731149
I really need help guys thank youDecember 4, 2018 at 5:50 pm #731150
If someone told me that I would never see them or sleep with them again.December 4, 2018 at 5:58 pm #731155
Absolutely dump him. The right guy who truely loves you will be over the moon attracted to you no matter if you’re bloated and have no makeup on or haven’t shaved in weeks it doesn’t matter. This guy has issues you deserve to be treated with love and respect during sex! And at all times!December 4, 2018 at 6:02 pm #731156
I agree with you guys and I feel so so bad now I dont even know if i am good at sex anymore, i feel i lost confidence since that episode and most importantly he made me cry.. I never cry in life i dont even remember when was the last time i cried in my life. I mean even if he didnt like it, i belive he could have told me in another way, more gently and always with love. I guess this guy dont like me at all. He said he was just being honest..December 4, 2018 at 6:10 pm #731157
When you give yourself to someone its suppose to be a safe, loving, and pleasurable experience.
This was not the case.
Don’t let him ruin sex for you, someone else will love every inch and quirk about you.
He’s not your guy!December 4, 2018 at 6:13 pm #731159
Thank you Khadija, so much..December 4, 2018 at 7:05 pm #731163
A good friend of mine dated a guy who said she had ugly breasts and a weird looking vagina. She developed a complex about her body because of this jerk who has issues that had nothing to do with my friend.
Your guy sounds like he has issues too, but his issues aren’t yours. He feels pleasure from putting you down. I bet he has done this to other women. When you dump this man and find another man who will love all of you, your confidence will come back. Actually, your confidence will come back just from dumping this guy. Good luck!December 4, 2018 at 7:09 pm #731164
for f*ck sake, I only saw the title, but please, dump the jerk!December 4, 2018 at 9:34 pm #731177
Absolutely to what Joe said. In addition, I’m wondering if he’s blaming YOU for his own shortcomings. Think about it as it may well be true…..Sounds like an abnoxious ****!
At any rate, you’re well rid of this individual!December 4, 2018 at 9:45 pm #731178
Thank you guys. I see you all agree and that i need to dump him asap. I am in conflict with myself since this. I refuse to see him again.December 4, 2018 at 10:18 pm #731181
OMG. This moron deserves more than just dumping.
Do not waste another tear on him.
You are a nice girl, so you cried. A woman with a bit tougher skin would show him his place right there right then.
Were there other signs of this abuse? I mean before you started having sex. Look back, what did you miss, I am sure there were some.
Was he too good at courting, doing everything you like etc?
How old is this jerk? and how old are you.
Do not spend a minute of your life thinking about this abusive individual. “You are a waste of time”. “He can show you how to please him”. Wow.
No apology can change this. You need to understand that behind those things stand a very disturbed character with a LOT of issues that you want to stay away from. His issue would become YOUR problem, ruin your self esteem, make you feel miserable. For once listen to women’s advice and dump him for GOOD. Do not go back no matter how much he begs and tries to “apologize”
He was not into you in the first place, but in addition, he has a very disturbed and abusive character. Now he is being aggressive hunting you down, all this says one thing: trouble, trouble, trouble, and only trouble.December 5, 2018 at 1:02 am #731199
Put him out with the rest of the trash!!December 5, 2018 at 2:10 am #731205
Intimacy issues in a relationship are not uncommon and in a lot of cases they can be worked through together maturely as a couple. If your boyfriend felt there was something lacking in the sexual aspect he could have done so respectfully.
The fact that he said you are a waste of time should have been an immediate no-no. You’re not a waste of time. He is. Don’t waste a tear on him love and tell him to have a nice life and be done.December 5, 2018 at 6:37 am #731231
I would have punched him in the d*ck really hard – laughed really loudly and said, you’re the waste of time mate!
Move on sista, this one’s a Loser! 😍December 5, 2018 at 8:52 am #731243
Wow, what a jerk! Listen to all the ladies here, dump him, you deserve a far better man. This is insensitive and rude beyond words, no man in his right mind would say something like this to his woman. If he said it, he wanted to put you down, he has an agenda you have nothing to do with it! He probably has anger issues, can’t control his emotions and as Raven said, he will get worse with time. This is totally unacceptable, run!December 5, 2018 at 9:04 am #731245
Don’t speak another word to him. Don’t give him any closure or discussion or opportunity to say anything else. If he texts you again, text back FU, then block.December 5, 2018 at 1:07 pm #731288
Sounds like a guy who watches a lot of porn and has a completely unrealistic view of what intimacy with a woman is supposed to be like. Either way, he’s proven himself to be an ungrateful jerk so ditch him.December 5, 2018 at 3:15 pm #731295
Angelica, I hope you are reading all the comments by women here, and I hope more comments are to come.
But do tell, how old is he?
How long you’ve been dating and how soon you had sex with him.
This case trumps all I’ve seen so far on this forum in terms of emotional abuse.
And now, of course, you main issue is to figure out “how to please him”. You can make it work, you see. And ooop, sorry for being rude. Easy squeasy, done. Proceed as normal, nothing big happened. Sure.
Do tell us if you noticed anything else prior to this event. It is important for you and for others, for all other women who are “giving second chances” when they should BOLT OUT like a rocket from their “relationship”
Do provide an update please.December 5, 2018 at 7:54 pm #731315
Girls thank you so much for all your advice.
For an update, he is 45 yo and I am 37 yo.
Yes he courted me like never a man did and I’ve been dated him for 2 months and did wait 3 weeks for a first sexual encounter. He has been seeing me every single day after work since we met. And many times i was saying to myself it’s too beautiful to be true..
It was the only fight we had. I havent spoken to him since. I try to move on and be strong. Not easy as I am a sensitive person. but all the messages you guys sent me on this forum really give me strenght and I am so thankful for that.December 5, 2018 at 8:21 pm #731319
Angelica, at 45 this guy is NOT going to get better.
I knew he was courting you like crazy, this is one of the typical traits of abusive men. They know how to get you, how to manipulate you, what to say and what to do.
3 weeks before sex is way too soon, seeing each other every day is way too much, it is very quick Angelica. If you had waited longer, he would have showed you his true face sooner, and you would have had a chance to reconsider getting involved with him sexually and emotionally. Women need to guard their heart and be careful, the damage can be very serious and very long lasting
At 45 his willy aint’ working very well, very common indeed, but he has to take it on women of course.
But you at 37, couldn’t you punch him back? how is is dick? I am sure there is something you could have thrown back at him, something like “wow what gutter did you grow up in to talk to a woman you are having sex with?” There are many versions of these theme, why not use some? Do not let abusers get away with abuse. Fight back. When they get a taste of a fist on their OWN face every time they throw an abuse, they’d think twice next time before punching you.
At 45 he also KNOWS very well what he is doing. If he is so angry that he can’t control his foul mouth at all, then dealing with this person is dangerous, emotionally dangerous. You will end up with a crippled self esteem, resentful, unhappy, miserable.
The best thing to do is what someone suggested: do not give him any closure, no texts, no conversations, nothing. Simply vanish from his life, leave his to his misery. He is desperate, in a hurry (no time to waste), so let him stew in enger and misery. Controlling abusive men can’t take things like ignoring easy. Do us all a favour, do not be easy on this dork.
And all other women who are looking for a partner, learn from this! Do not allow any of the idiots who are out there hurt you, your self esteem, your feelings. Protect yourself. Instead of crying, fight back.December 6, 2018 at 1:25 am #731348
Emma, you are absolutely right, just want to point out that some people under shock lose their ability to speak, even think or react in any way, and Angelica was under shock, as many other women would have been, I am sure. She wrote in her initial message:
”…I was so choked that I was speechless to be honest, this blocked me completely because he said it very rude, so I started crying and yes I maybe overreacted. But instead of telling me that he was sorry having being rude to me, he said something even worse, he said I was a waste of time.”December 6, 2018 at 4:38 am #731349
Whenever someone presents themselves in this “too good to be true” light, 98% of the time, that’s right.
There is usually something wrong with these people, and it usually ends up being some sort of abuse if you stay with them a little while.December 6, 2018 at 8:46 am #731351
Agree with Kathy. I think what happens is that over years they master the technique of getting a woman’s attention and making her fall for you or be interested in you within a short period of time. They typically had many short-term relationships. It is easier to pretend and control yourself. But then as soon as they begin to feel comfortable and a little relaxed, the monster inside comes out. That’s why he is single at 45 and with no time to lose. And it is also typical for them to go after sensitive women with less confidence, they are an easy prey and they are the ones who won’t be able to punch back and dump you as fast. They’d be trying to forgive and give chances..causing damage to themselves of course. But that realization would come later, much later.December 6, 2018 at 11:35 am #731387
I am so sorry Angelica!! Do not let this jerk make you question yourself!! Any man who would say you are a waste of time is not worthy of your time!! My guess is he lost his erection in the middle because the condom made him desensitized and rather than taking it for what it was he wanted to blame you to save his ego. He’s probably used to porn and taking care of himself if you know what I mean and with a condom on he just couldn’t keep it up.
He was rude and hurtful and there are so many other ways he could have communicated to you how to please him. I can see why you feel something is broken now and I agree you can’t feel comfortable with him anymore. You can’t accept this treatment from him because at 45 I’m guessing this will only get worse instead of better. It’s only been 2 months, he should be on his best behavior. If he’s showing this side of him now you need to leave.