This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by K 11 months ago.
September 16, 2017 at 12:11 pm #654444
Ex bf of 1.5 year is undergoing severe stress and financial problems with his new startup, initially asked me for a break but I pushed him to choose btw working it out or break up immediately. He chose to break up but the next day texted that he needs time to stand on his feet, he will come back and chase me again when he is stronger. We had a really great relationship.
Been NC for almost 4 weeks now, he reached out a few times but I answered short and close ended. What should I do now? Should I show that I am here for him or just continue NC? Should I take all my stuffs from his place?
September 16, 2017 at 12:34 pm #654448
If you care about him, start to show him you care about him. This won’t make you seem cheap, if he is someone important to you. But at the same time, you live your life without him. Don’t wait for him, if he hasn’t chased you again.September 16, 2017 at 2:14 pm #654468
Hi K-I know lots of ladies here talk about giving a guy breaks,space, understand when he is stressed,he goes in his cave etc. Maybe my experience is unusual, but a happy, committed guy will turn to you, imo ,not away from you in times of trouble-especially when it is a relationship of some length,like yours. My guy is a 90 min drive away,has stress over his 95 year old dad that lives in a different area,is in a financial hole because of having a stroke in his 50’s,and could not work for 18 months,has a broken shoulder that was not diagnosed,treated ( he is getting it operated on soon ),has a moody boss that is tough to cope with ..etc. etc. The point is,I know all this and he never shuts me out,but looks for my support. He still sees me as much,remembers things happening in my life,business etc. I would be thinking your guy is fading out or keeping you on a string until he feels like engaging again (if he does). When he wanted a break,he should have reassured you that all would be well and given you a time line when he would not be so busy. I am not blaming this all on him-pushing him when he was stressed to make up his mind NOW may not have been your best move.
I would let this roll a few more weeks,see if he keeps contact and suggests getting together,talking etc. Then do that,if you want. If he fades out in contact instead,then call him and say you would like to arrange to get your things. Good luck,but I am not optimistic.September 16, 2017 at 2:22 pm #654471
Next time he texts you or calls, just say politely and calmly:
“Oh, sorry, don’t have time to talk this week”
Don’t suggest any other week or day.
He has to contact you again to get any further answer.
That is what chasing is about.
Also “I can’t text-convo., but i do answer the phone”
is important that you write.
On the phone, when he calls, be mono-syllabic, talk only about nice things.
That will make him set up a meeting with you irl.September 16, 2017 at 4:19 pm #654518
Peggy I am curious – how did you meet your bf?
OP- I mostly agree with Peggy but if you want, give it one chance. When he texts you, write back, “I hope you are doing well. Are you interested in working things out?” If he wants you, he will take you up on that. Otherwise completely cut the tie, grieve him, and then date others.September 16, 2017 at 6:18 pm #654535
Hi Amanda-I met him on-line-lol. We are both in our later 50’s. He is an amazing guy that has been though so much and his attitude has kept him going and pushed him forward. He has courted and treated/treats me better than any guys I have dated,and my ex-husband too.
I was lucky and saw his profile within a couple hours of when he posted. He had been out of the dating thing for a few years,recovering his health and life. It was his first try at on-line. I sent him a message,he answered. After our second date,we pulled our profiles. Have been together for 6 happy months now.September 16, 2017 at 8:55 pm #654562
I am very sorry for what happened in your life. I don’t understand people these days. You are not disposable. Relationship is not a restaurant, you can’t just walk out on a whim and then walk right back in whenever you feel like it. Does he not realize that he would LOSE you? You will be out of his life for good! Would you do it if someone was really dear to you?
I understand that stress and problems can take a huge toll on someone’s life, but you can’t dispose of a person dear to you. You’d make all sorts of efforts to make it work.
He asked for a break, then he picked a breakup over trying to work on things, and now he is making things hard for you. What’s going on with people these days? Maybe we hear more stories than ever before because of forums and social media, but I don’t remember anything of this type 10-15 years ago, people did not ask for “breaks”. There was no such thing!
You must be heart broken! Does he not care how all this would make you feel?
If you had a really great relationship then how would anyone in their right might just throw it away?
I would tell him the truth, the way you feel it. Help him “understand” your point of view, that you cannot be put on the shelf for storage. Something he should have been able to figure out on his own.September 16, 2017 at 9:26 pm #654568
Thank you all for your answers. Just to add more details;
He quit his long term stable job and moved to a new country to start a business right just before he met me(we were in LDR but saw each other 1-2 weeks per month, I often travel to his city for work). Business has not been successful and he is trying and trying to revamp it. I, on the other hand, have a successful and stable job.
A few weeks prior to the break up he confronted me about his stress and said he was very down, I tried to comfort him. On the break up day, he told me about his stress again, I told him this might be a wrong time for him to be in a relationship, I guess I was just testing him I said that he could break it off if It solves his issues, first he said no But conversation went on and then he ended up asking for a break, I pushed him to choose and he asked for time to think I said NO We either work this out or break up now!
I really don’t know what to do I think I was too quick tempered.