Balance between needy and hard to get – insecure attachment

First of all, part of what you’re saying is simply human nature. You don’t have a spark or connection with every guy you meet so there are some where you’re going to feel nothing. Zilch. Zip. Nada. But then there are guys who you’re going to meet and you’re going to like them but it may take awhile to warm up to them and get attached. And then there are those few and far between guys where you will feel an instant connection and get swept up in all these feelings. Not be able to stop smiling, stop thinking about him, wanting to be around him all the time and THOSE guys are usually the ones who can make you needy! Because you are wanting to see them all the time, wanting to know they are feeling the same way, and just being around them feels so great you are pushing to see them, for them to call you, to become exclusive, etc. You start rushing the milestones in the relationship.

But I don’t see being needy as causing drama. So I’m confused about your comment as to you scare the guy away because they don’t want drama from the beginning. What kind of drama are you causing? Of course everyone wants someone who is easy to be around and warm and available. That is what attracts guys to you from the start.

It is hard to have a balance I agree but you don’t need to be playing any kind of ‘hard to get’ games even with the charming ones who you seem to have a connection with.

Just have some respect for yourself and don’t sleep with them too early. If you’re looking for a long term relationship sleeping with the guy early on is not going to make him like you more or respect you. Make sure you can actually trust the person and make sure they’re on the same page as you. For example there’s no point in dating someone who is just after a casual fling if you’re looking for something more serious.

If you’re interested in someone you can politely accept when they arrange to meet up but if they don’t make an effort with you don’t bother with it. Women are not meant to do the chasing initially. If a man is interested enough he’ll show it.

I’m not trying to be mean but you called a guy from another number after he blocked yours and you’re wondering why he thinks you’re dramatic? If he’s blocked your number that’s more than clear that he’s not interested. It’s not healthy behaviour to be quite honest.

I think being authentic about your feelings is important.

I think in MANY cases men bring drama on themselves. Don’t flake if you don’t want a call or text at 10pm asking what happened, bro. For me, I have dated enough to see that there is a pattern with men who “don’t want drama”, they are poor communicators who send mixed signals. So don’t even worry about drama. Obviously, don’t be over the top. But too many guys call it drama even when they are quietly questioned on bad behavior. Calling the guy back from a second number was a step into next level drama, but he invited that when he flaked, blocked etc. That said, in the future, any person who does the flake/not take accountability/block move is not ready for a relationship, so no great loss.

If a guy is into you, honesty can go a long way. I had a guy- we had mutual attraction, and I was really guarded at the time. He walked away, and later came back that he never felt anything from me. He was very understanding when he understood better why I was aloof.

For emotionally unavailable guys, you need to recognize that and not get invested. You can be warm and kind and enthusiastic, but you need to understand the likely outcome and/or the time frame of that outcome. You can’t fix their unavailability. They have to.

Hi Sylvia-you could benefit from reading Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback girl” by Natalie Lue. Se ha a site called Baggage Reclaim that could be helpful for you as well-you will think she knows you and the kind of guys you date!