This topic contains 28 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Sensy 1 week ago.
September 9, 2019 at 6:28 pm #769573
I am in my early thirties and met a man my same age on bumble. We chatted for 3 days and he asked me out for Friday night. He drove an hour to my side of town and we got dinner and drinks. There was a beer festival near me so we also went to that. Afterwards we went to my place and had sex and he spent the night. We aren’t looking for something serious but we are not just doing casual sex.
The next day I asked if it was a one night stand and he said “it doesn’t have to be. But I want to be honest that I’m not looking for a serious relationship” which I get because same. He then asked if I wanted to do something this week and we made plans for Thursday. My only problem is that the texting has slowed way down. Before we met it was 2+ hours before bed and now it’s like 5-9 texts a day. Is this normal since we made plans? Or does this show a lack of interest? Save any sex shaming comments because I do not care and am not interested.September 9, 2019 at 6:38 pm #769574
You agreed that you didn’t want a serious relationship… but what, you still expect the full GF treatment? You’d better get the ground rules straight with him right now before you go any further. This is an FWB situation, nothing more, that you’re walking into willingly. You can’t change the rules when you decide you’ve caught feelings for him and get mad at him later for not acting like a BF.September 9, 2019 at 7:03 pm #769576
I agree with @Kamille
You seem to be in denial about what you really want from him. As we say, the girl has the control before sex and guy has it after sex (for biological reasons mostly).
Nothing serious = no commitment. Why do you want him to commit to texting you on a daily basis? To planning dates? What he said, you should have listened. The truth is: he doesn’t owe you anything. And neither do you. It’s ok if you want to have a free sexual life and do whatever you want, but at least be honest with yourself. You shouldn’t care if it’s not serious in your eyes. Because he obviously doesn’t care more than that.
Also, no matter how feminism liberated women, most men think the same. Most of them don’t value the girl who sleeps on the first night. They don’t want something more than just sex with her. It’s a good think if that’s not the case for you and him, but sounds like he’s any typical guy and that you won’t get from him what you want (aka commitment).September 9, 2019 at 7:08 pm #769577
I think once it was established that this situation will be he decided to decrease in the messaging.
It sounds to me that this will be a FWB where you set up days to hang out and not much communication in between other then to confirm the meet.
I would mention it to him if this bothers you and see what he say but, as I mentioned this is casual so I would expect the communication to decrease.
People don’t tend to spend hours texting an FWB or someone they are casually seeing.September 9, 2019 at 7:08 pm #769578
* casualSeptember 9, 2019 at 7:49 pm #769584
Texting constantly is girlfriend/boyfriend behavior. Or, if you are in the very early stages of dating and the guy is trying to win you over to be his girlfriend. But not once you’ve established that you’re not going to date each other seriously. Frankly I give the guy credit for pulling back and not wanting to give you the wrong impression.
To be honest even 5-9 texts a day seems a lot to me for a FWB. So he’s being generous. I have a close friend who does the FWB thing and she goes days without hearing from her FWBs. Or if she does hear from them, they exchange a couple of texts & that’s it. They only communicate if they’re planning a hookup.September 9, 2019 at 8:02 pm #769586
Why is this confusing, slut shaming aside you set the stage to have random sex with a total stranger you met online and know nothing about. He probably does this with tons of other women. You set the bar so low what is there to expect? He can find tons of women like you and probably has for a quick date and a roll in bed. If that’s what you want, that’s what you got. But he isn’t going to chase you or treat you like a gf. The mystery is over in one date.September 9, 2019 at 8:23 pm #769587
Only 5-9 texts a day?!September 9, 2019 at 8:25 pm #769588
Ok….. I don’t get that many texts from my committed boyfriend. But that’s the difference between being in a real relationship or virtual one.September 9, 2019 at 8:35 pm #769589
Better off single
I asked if it was a one night stand and he said “it doesn’t have to be. But I want to be honest that I’m not looking for a serious relationship”
If you are willing to give me sex without having to work for it, I’m down. You’re not exactly what I’m looking for. You’re pretty and you’re easy so I’ll continue to be “friends” while I keep seeing who else hits me up on bumble. Then I’ll forget you when I find someone else I think is better, will enjoy my time with, and tell you I didn’t want a relationship in the first place when you cry about it.September 9, 2019 at 8:42 pm #769592
Totally agree with better off.September 9, 2019 at 8:58 pm #769595
Is this the first time this has happened to you on bumble or your real life? Bumble is a step up from tinder which isn’t saying much. Its like buying a nicer garbage can. The dude got what he wanted. They will text you frequently until they get what they want..he got it. You are both in your 30s? So there is no excuse for either of you to be acting this way. He’s trying to act like Casanova. Maybe Ill see you? As in he might see you if he gets horny and wants to get laid again. He can go fly a kite. Stay away from him. Do not text do not respond. Unless you want to be a desperate source of meaningless sex. I hope you learned a lesson and luckily he wasn’t some kind of serial killer. You can do better girl. xoxSeptember 9, 2019 at 9:03 pm #769596
Ps I’ve had guys (hot early twenties etc) drive from 4 hours away to see me off of bumble. It doesn’t mean anything. Guys will jump through a fire to get laid and then forget about you once they succeeded. Not trying to be harsh but its the truth. This guy is a tool and deserves none of your attention unless he’s working for it. Maybe we will make plans? He was trying to leave without a fight. I hope you take this advice.September 9, 2019 at 9:31 pm #769599
Yes this is the first time this has happened to me in my life. I was married until last year. I’ve dated a handful of men but always waited until 3-4 days in for sex. I did what I wanted with him and don’t regret it. I was just wondering what the protocol for this really is. He hasn’t texted me all day so maybe this is supposed to just fade out. I’m sure he is a jerk like the rest.September 9, 2019 at 9:55 pm #769601
Melissa… he’s NOT a jerk. No slut shaming intended here – you went out with him and had sex with him, your own free choice. He said it could be more than a one nighter but not a relationship. You told him that suited you fine. Then you CANNOT as I said above expect the GF routine!! Take responsibility for your choices, please.September 9, 2019 at 9:57 pm #769602
And FYI the protocol for FWB is usually sporadic contact and not acting like BF/GF although hopefully it’s more than just hot monkey love and go home. Ideally you care about each other and are friends at some level, but there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed.
If you’re pissed that he went one entire day without texting then you are not cut out for FWB!September 9, 2019 at 10:10 pm #769603
Have a damn seat and leave me alone. I take full responsibility for my actions. I asked what was normal AS I JUST SAID I HAD NOT DONE THIS BEFORE. Get a hobby and stop creating issues I never put out there. You’re delusional or can’t read if you think I don’t take responsibility for having sex with him. I wanted to do it and I did it. I was asking about expected communication and you don’t need be such a stank attitude brat about it.September 9, 2019 at 10:11 pm #769604
If you’re recently single and not sure of dating protocol let this be a lesson for you. Maybe think about what you really want. If you want a guy to treat you like a girlfriend, you have to act like one. That means not sleeping with a guy on the first date. Most guys will just hit it and quit it in that case.
It’s ok not to want a serious relationship but it seems from what you’re saying you want some level of relationship. You want a guy who contacts you daily & sees you regularly. That’s relationship-ish. You definitely are not cut out for FWB if you’re upset that he was “only” texting you 5-9 times a day.September 9, 2019 at 10:27 pm #769605
@Melissx Do not feel bad that you had sex with him if you enjoyed it and wanted it who cares. I don’t think there is a specific protocol. Yes in theory its probably best to get to know someone first because sexual chemistry can fog our minds. You just got out of a marriage? Thats the ultimate commitment you probably wanted some action–you are a healthy human being. There is no shame in that and he did the same thing you did. It takes two to tango haha. But absolutely do not feel ashamed you were simply enjoying yourself. Obviously not a good thing if this happens all the time..Let him be. Protect yourself. Behave as the queen you are and do things for yourself he is a mere existence in yours. Maybe you’ll hook up again and it will be even better but that’s up to you. You hold the cards. :) xoxSeptember 9, 2019 at 10:28 pm #769607
Melissa, calm down… I said the same things everyone else said and no offense was intended in the least… your response is OTT and screams how much you don’t get this.
Good luck. I won’t say anything further to you.September 9, 2019 at 10:30 pm #769608
Oh and ps never ask him where its going after sex..dont give him the power keep all the confidence you can even if you feel like you have none. He is lucky to have youSeptember 10, 2019 at 1:25 am #769611
You’re totally contradicting yourself. If you don’t want serious, why you moaning he isn’t texting much? Girl, you lying. Dont think for one second he will change his mind.
Matter of fact, if a man see’s potential in you? they won’t tell you they dont want serious.
Casual = sex and not messaging.
You either enjoy this for all it is – sex.
Or pursue a man who wants to date you.September 10, 2019 at 1:27 am #769612
You both aren’t looking for a relationship. But aren’t doing casual sex? Yet you met a total stranger off the internet and brought him home and had sex with him. Doesn’t make sense. So you will be back here again shortly. You have a date for Thursday and you can’t hold off talking to him until then. Another woman who puts more faith in texting and sex than into what a real relationship involves.September 10, 2019 at 6:18 am #769628
More importantly than all this talk of you’re expecting this or that, I’d like to know this: how do you feel about the texting reducing from what there was to what there now is? What are your worries about where you are now at with this man? Is this actually what you want?September 10, 2019 at 6:20 am #769629
Also, will you both be sleeping with others? How does that leave you feeling? I am asking these questions because at the moment, I’m not getting the feel from what you’ve written that this will make you content and happy, but rather it leaves you anxious and wondering