Am I too much of a prude


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This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Ali 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #759793 Reply

    Pat

    I wound like everyone opinion on this please as it will help me made a decision.

    I have to much of trouble with men.
    I am always used for sex and nothing else.

    I was married once but that didn’t work out and I think he only married me because I wouldn’t sleep with him before marriage.
    After 11 years and two kids I am divorced, since my divorce I had many “relationship” although they seemed very loving it never went anywhere and they seem to enjoy my company and sex, they never offered me more even I asked for it and I always end up walking away.

    I have been mates with a nice guy for over a years but I have known him since 2005 he is 30 and I am 34.
    He is always there for me as much as he can.

    Problem;he made it clear that he likes me more than a friend.
    I wouldn’t have mind being in relationship with him but when I try to get serious with him he seems like he is just after sex too.
    An example, we were having friendly chat about marriage and rings, and I said my fingers are very small so can have any ring it had to specially cut for my finger.
    Then he said “what about rush of your body, it is small too”
    I was shocked and sad at the same time, I told him off and told him I can be with someone who only sees me as sexual object. He got upset and he said “Am I too much of a prude, and that I need lightened up.
    I decided I didn’t want to go any further with the conversation or giving him a chance.
    I do like him and wound like to be with him but if he is juts after to use me like every other men before.

    #759794 Reply

    A

    Hey there….you’re not alone. Married before. Been divorced for almost two years now. I get a lot of men interested in me but it seems only for sex or something casual. I’m in my 30’s as well. Maybe it’s the caliber of people we date? I don’t know, but it’s not you. A lot it single girls I meet have the same issue.

    #759799 Reply

    AA

    You aren’t being a prude for stating the way you felt about his creepy comment. Society nowadays is kind of a hookup culture and men are very used to getting sex easily from apps etc. It’s turning them into dogs. I’m sure there are decent men out there and maybe your friend just has no game. Either way if he makes you feel uncomfortable and then calls you a prude that is just plain rude. You deserve to be treated with respect :) So don’t feel bad.

    #759803 Reply

    Tina

    Yes you are a prude. Guys are going to want sex. Why would even be talking about wedding rings? Odd topic. Men don’t use women for sex. If you willingly give them sex that’s not being used. The problem is that you haven’t found a guy who sees a future with you so while he likes your companionship and the sex he isn’t going to take it to a higher level. That’s normal.

    #759805 Reply

    A

    Tina, I completely disagree with you. A lot of guys manipulate girls into thinking/believing that there is a future, so she lets herself be vulnerable and ends up sleeping with him. If he starts to fade out or ghost after that, then the girl was used. If both parties are under the impression that the sex is a casual thing, then the girl is not used as she was a willing participant and the guy was open and honest about his intentions. However, that’s not common for your 30’s, as most women are looking for a relationship at this point, not FWB. OP, you are not a prude – you respect yourself enough to not open your legs to a guy who gives you an ounce of attention. Any guy who calls you that is only looking for one thing. Good for you for standing up for yourself and knowing someone’s off about him.

    #759806 Reply

    Tina

    Women are so stupid these days. You aren’t being used for sex if you consent. Just because a guy makes you a gf doesn’t mean it will lead to long term or marriage. That’s just the way it is. A guy willl determine if you are the one and there will be no second guessing but most guys won’t see you as the one. Doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you it just means you haven’t met the right match. Men don’t think like women do. They aren’t going to give up their freedom unless you knock their socks off. You haven’t yet met a man that feels this way. That’s the challenge of dating. Women date to get a bf or married. Men date for companionship and sex.

    #759813 Reply

    Warasen

    Pat you aren’t a prude because you do have sex. You don’t say you’re disgusted by the idea of sex either.. I think you have to define what it means to be “used for sex”.
    When your friend commented about your body he didn’t have to go there of course. That’s not being a prude but defending yourself.

    #759816 Reply

    Anderson

    You are not a prude. At least not based on the information given. Does he know that you don’t like such comments out of the blue?

    Your comment of him seeing you as a sexual object was a bit much though.

    #759821 Reply

    I dont wanna be in a movie

    People are going to think what they want to think. People are going to paint you in a bad light for standing up for what you believe and sticking to it also because nobody has shown you or proven otherwise. It’s their problem. Not yours.

    #759826 Reply

    Pat

    Thanks ladies, glad to know that my reaction was not all crazy.
    What I mean “use for sex” is normally after few dates and when I sleep with a guy, it stay the same, we just continue having sex and no proper dates, no moving forward.
    Although they say we are item, it’s always so excuse as why can’t integrate our lives.
    So I always feel they want nothing from me than sex so I end up leaving but end up similar situation regardless how long I hold out sex and how many dates I go to.

    This Friend is good to me but his comments made me feel that’s all he is after too.
    I have not slept with him and have rejected his advances to kiss me because I don’t want to go there with him if he does not see a future with me and does not want to commit to me .

    We were talking about marriage because he said he wanted to marry me but his comment throw me off and I think he was just saying that just to get me into bed.

    I don’t think I need to sleep with someone to know if I want spend my life with them or not.
    In my experience sex is all the same for me to be honest, I don’t believe trying before buying.
    I had enough of trying and not going anywhere.

    #759860 Reply

    Omg

    You sleep with every guy after only a few dates. There’s the problem babe.

    #759876 Reply

    Louise

    To me, you’ve got a strange attitude – you think your husband only married you for sex – he wouldn’t have stayed 11 years if that’s all it was!!

    All relationships settle a bit, it’s not all grand romance for ever, whether or not you’re having sex. I don’t think it’s the having sex that makes guys stop making an effort, at least not every time.

    You have some self-esteem issues, and it sounds like you’re not an overly sexual person / have some hang ups or an attitude around sex that it isn’t a good thing – is that something you were brought up with?

    #759877 Reply

    A

    I do believe you should get to know someone before sex, however, it’s not the act of giving it up too quickly that repels men. It has nothing to do with having sex in general. Oxytocin is the female sex hormone that is released after having sex with a man. This is what makes the woman feel so good. A lot of times, girls gets attached to guys after sex, acting needy and clingy around them. This response sends the guy into fight or flight mode and pushes them away, taking any excitement out of the relationship, aka #1 reason why they lose interest soon after sex. Acting cool, aloof and independent still after sex, is what keeps them interested. The challenge is still there for them to win you over! So no, them dropping you quickly after sex is not them using you, but more of them being into the chase, and you talking about wedding bells and baby names after a week.

    #760011 Reply

    Anderson

    @Pat what are your hobbies? You say that you wish you went on more dates. What would you like to do instead for example? And have you communicated this to your partners?

    The problem isn’t how soon you have sex with these men. The problem are the men themselves. The places you’re meeting them or the town you live in. When you meet the wrong man you can withhold sex, have it too soon, play all sorts of games or pretend to act aloof but nothing will work because the man himself was never your type to begin with. Maybe he was putting in the effort to win you over, or was just caught up in the honeymoon phase. Yes, a lot happens after sex, but it’s possible (though maybe rare) to sleep with a guy and not have it ruin normal date activities.

    You need to become better at vetting the men you meet. Those who genuinely like doing date activities and hobbies vs those who seem like they do… and then change. Trust me guys out there exist who actually crave doing a lot more things than sex! It all depends on if the guy actually loves you, and then he’d be eager to do all sorts of various non-sex activities with you.

    #760026 Reply

    Omg

    A guy is going to love her after two dates? Lol…

    #760136 Reply

    Bc

    At no point did she say its only two dates.

    #760166 Reply

    kaye

    She said “normally after few dates and when I sleep with a guy.” To me a few is usually 3 or 4. Still not enough time to assess whether or not they are even compatible long term!!

    You’ve known this guy for 14 years, he told you he wants to marry you and you’re even talking about rings. Then he makes a comment about your body and you tell him off. Sorry but I agree with him that you DO need to lighten up. You’re talking about having a wedding ring specially made for your finger but he can’t imply sex would be involved? Do you plan on having a sexless marriage if you do marry him? You sound too immature to be 34.

    #760207 Reply

    Shoshannah

    You’re thinking marriage with this man, but you won’t let him kiss you? Sorry, I’m not being sarcastic, I’m just not sure if I understood. If so, then yes, that sounds kind of prude to me.

    #760273 Reply

    Ali

    Better of loving yourself first. Or have bit fun, only live once. Here for good time, not a longtime…

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