Am I too late to start NC?

There is no hope. Accept it. You should have accepted it three months ago, at least start the process of healing. If there was any hope then it is lost by now because you kept begging him thereby devaluing yourself completely and all respect he had for you is gone. He does not want you, he wants to be free and live his life partying, go out with other girls, etc. Obviously he is NOT the one for you because it requires both parties to think so. Please understand and accept that forcing and begging will only push a person farther away. The point of NC is your healing and not getting him back, with this attitude you will never. You now lost 3 important months of your life by fooling your own self foolishly believing that someone would take you on a date months in the future when he is not even dating you? What if he meets someone else in the meantime? How could you believe this? I am afraid that if you are not willing to accept this, you will never make progress. You are in complete denial. NC only makes sense if someone is strong enough because they will attempt to come back and you cannot allow it. It would be for an ego boost anyhow. The guy does not want you, acknowledge it, he wants to live with his friends, what is more clear to you than that he signed the agreement for one year? There is a reason for that, he DOES NOT WANT YOU BACK. Either this finally registers in your brain or you will completely destroy yourself over this.

Ok, this was harsh reality and I said this to you because while I know that every word is like stabbing you in the heart with a knife and then twisting it in, I do relate and feel for you and am very very sad to read your lines. Believe me we are mostly here because we have been there. I have been this desperate when I felt that I could not bare the thought of never seeing my ex, hearing from it and worrying about little things like his birthday or him making up with his ex girlfriend that really never mattered because he did not want me.

I know and understand that this is like a part of you has died. You were together a very long time but it can be worse when people have kids and they were together 25 years. Life still goes on, you have to or you will not survive. You have to concentrate on your job and please consider going into therapy to help you.

What you should provide info on is why the relationship went downhill. This is what I cannot comment on because you have never stated what you argued about. Were you pushy, needy, begging, desperate for moving back together? I think that it could not have been your fault or your fault alone as after you two were kicked out he got a taste of bachelor life again and he probably loved it. He likely lacked the maturity and responsibility to remain with you and you cannot help that. I think that after this long he likely did not have the passion for you anymore which is normal but he clearly wants something else than you do. How old are you two?

On a positive note it can still happen after this long a time together that he comes back. Problem is that by now with all this begging you have diminished the chances of that but even without this it was small. Acknowledge your mistakes, learn from them but learn not to blame yourself and to forgive yourself. Remember that you can only change your behavior and are only responsible for that, we cannot control that of other people!s. Once you make changes and with the right person who is ready to love you, you can find happiness but yes it will take a while and no you should not be out dating right now. Heal yourself first. This is a must for your own good.

I wish I could help more. I can hear you crying for help and we really want to, the sad reality is that no one can help you feel better but yourself and that will take a while. It does take months of suffering and many many days when you think that you have only gone backwards until one day you wake up and find out that you no longer feel so bad.

Remember what counts, family, friends, work on yourself with a therapist perhaps, hobbies, interests, programs, once you are better perhaps dating but not now. Try also doing things that make you feel better about yourself however superficial they may seem, such as a haircut, get your nails done, etc. You may not be able to do them right away and need a few days to yourself but after that and get out there with your friends, you have friends too, right?

And please read as much as you can here, read the articles, the threads, I find that it is one of those things that have helped me the most because I can learn and help and thereby I feel better too myself and you can also see here that many women are going through something somewhat similar that we can all relate to.

All the best to you and keep us posted, write it out if you like, tell us what happened. Also start keeping a diary and writing every day at any time when you feel down. Tell the diary what you would like to tell him.

I’m sorry :( I know that gut wrenching pain you’re feeling. It sucks.

I do think you should do NC, but not to win him back. I think you should aim for 60-90 days of NC. Focus on ANYTHING other than him. Rewatch one of your favorite tv series on Netflix. Join a gym and start a body makeover challenge. Do anything. I bet after 60 days you’ll have taken the edge off this all consuming heart ache, and youll have cleared your mind enough to realize you don’t WANT to feel the way you do right now ever again. And you won’t give him the power to make you feel this way anymore. Once you get out of this phase where the pain makes you desperate and not think straight, you’ll feel better.

im not sure how you feel about going on other dates, but that can be a fun distraction. Go for rich guys so you can try some new fancy restaurants ;)

Good luck. I hope this helps. Hang in there.

Oh, and stop texting him! A trillion texts never helped any girl get what she wants. It’s hard to hold back sometimes, I know, but don’t so that anymore.

Xoxo