Am I over reacting ??

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This topic contains 31 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Michele 2 months ago.

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  • #741793 Reply


    So I’ve known this guy for 3 years, we been best friends and he told me a few months he was in love with me and wanted to marry me , I was not interested or ready at time .

    We had got into an argument with a girl that works with me , she told me he was telling people that we were sleeping together , I got very upset and got him is face about it , he swear up and down that he never said that . I believed him and took his side over my co worker , causing me a ton of work drama .

    We ended sleeping together after I had a few too many drinks and he wanted to go straight into a serious relationship, I’m not ready but we agreed to go slow and not see anyone else out of respect but also just keep it between us till we see how it goes as he was going to go work out of town for his business .

    He hired the girl to work with him , he claimed and caused me work drama and she’s staying at his house , I find this very upsetting and makes me feel like he lied about her lying and doesn’t respect me .
    He’s says I’m acting crazy as he needed employees for the event he is doing ?
    Am I over reacting ? I almost feel this is a deal breaker for me

    #741825 Reply

    Better off single

    Well, you talked the talk, it’s a deal breaker so walk.

    #741913 Reply


    I just wondering if anyone thinks I’m over reacting , should I be more understanding

    #741920 Reply


    Nop. I think you should walk too

    #741927 Reply


    Thanks ladies,
    I guess it’s hard bc we were best friends so long , I just can’t believe why he would think this isn’t completely disrespectful and why I lost trust in his word .

    #741930 Reply


    That girl is maybe interested in him, thats why she maybe stirred the drama at your workplace
    now she is working with him and staying with him

    you dont really want him, so why indulge in this drama? just let him go
    you have surely more good friends, you dont need him

    you rejected him a few times, so no wonder he is seeking love where he can find it

    #741932 Reply


    Pandora ,
    He was leaving town for 8 weeks , I didnt it feel it was the time to go from friends to lovers to talking marriage, we did agree not to see anyone else . He insisted on this and I had zero intentions anyways .

    He’s just messaging saying how much he loves me and is working to better a better life for us but I keep seeing all this post of her working for him . Just makes me doubt his words and even wonder if he was lying not her . I definitely have deep feelings I just wonder if I could even get past this .
    Wondering if maybe I am over reacting

    #741933 Reply


    Michele, I would not like that the girl is living with him, thats for sure

    maybe you should go for a coffee with the girl and clear things up? in an amicable manner

    #741954 Reply


    My first question is if you work together why did he hire her instead of you to work with him? Wouldn’t it have been better if you want a relationship together for you to go with him for 8 weeks and live together and see if this could work? I also don’t understand talking about marriage when you’ve never even dated! To me that sounds like future talk just to get you into bed…and IT WORKED!!

    As far as drama and what people at work say I don’t even know why you let that stuff bother you. I mean she was telling people you were sleeping together and then you did end up sleeping together shortly thereafter. So what was the big protest and why did you even care what she said? Lastly, you said you were not ready for a relationship and wanted to go slow. IF you had agreed for him to be your boyfriend then you could certainly put your foot down and tell him you don’t want him living with some girl you don’t trust. BUT you didn’t agree to that, you wanted to go slow and just keep it between you. You can’t talk out both sides of your mouth. So yes you are over-reacting.

    Exactly how does he know this girl other than through you? I wouldn’t be one bit happy he hired her and certainly not thrilled they were living together during this 8 weeks but personally I think it’s a great test for your budding relationship. If you don’t feel you can trust him or feel he’s overstepping boundaries with this girl when you have agreed not to see anyone else then you will know immediately if this will work between you two.

    #742145 Reply


    Actullay , he knows my parents and I wasn’t just ready to jump in and tell them all about it , I never told him I didn’t want to be with him , I said I wanted to take it slow not stop it , he asked me not to see anyone else , I haven’t been with anyone else in a year and he knows that . I don’t sleep around . This was his request, I just said since we were such good friends , let’s leave it between us till we pasted a few months of dating.

    I don’t work for him and she didn’t either , he owns his own business, I’m taking care of a sick parent so I can’t just leave 8 weeks , he did invite me but he knew it wasn’t possible for me to go .

    I talked to him yesterday and he said he knew this would upset me but just thought I would get over it .

    I’m so hurt but still don’t know if I’m really over reacting.

    #742148 Reply


    Yes, I do believe you overreacted over the work gossip. So what, big deal, if someone thinks you were sleeping with this guy or not especially if you’re both sending off ‘a vibe’ that more is going on between the two of you than just two platonic friends. If he owns his own business and you and this guy don’t work together, I would have just shrugged my shoulders and said “maybe we are, maybe we aren’t, none of your business either way” and then walked away….it would have taken the wind out her sail.

    I’m not sure about this girl though. How far away is the event? If its too far to travel back and forth on a daily basis then it would be financially and logistically understandable that she stay’s at this house v. paying for a hotel and cost of food (aka per diem) on top of paying her to work. I hold a major event every year at my business, actually happening this Saturday. My two son’s who I asked to help traveled and stayed at my place to help me out, this year it happens to be my BF. I personally understand the logistics involved and offered a room and food for anyone who had to travel to help me out so I’m taking a reasonable approach as to why he’s doing the same based on my personal experience.

    The big question is DO YOU TRUST HIM? If not, then don’t date him. If so, then let him finish this event and get back on the slow track of dating again.

    #742179 Reply


    I’m a bit confused. You see ‘all this post’ of her working with him? What does that mean? Is he or she posting on fb things you mean?

    Also where does she and he live? Are they miles apart? I don’t understand why she’d stay with him otherwise… and how long is this arrangement for?

    #742716 Reply


    It’s 600 miles away and I have 3 dogs and a sick parent I’m taking care of at moment so I definitely couldn’t go,
    She posting pics not him and tagging his name in him on fb . I actually have issues with the girl because was defending him as she was saying he told everyone we slept together , he said he didn’t and she was a liar , she called him a lot of mean names , and she’s not a good employee , she’s messed up on drugs 80% of her life .
    I don’t see why he would hire her , something seems off

    #742717 Reply


    Why don’t you ask him?

    I know how hard it is to find people for these kind of events and I would assume it would be much harder if it was that far away and for a long length of time to boot…the pickings would be pretty minimal.

    One of the biggest complaints many of the merchants have during our major annual event is finding PEOPLE to cover all the positions you need covered and this is for only one day so I couldn’t imagine trying to find someone who would be willing to travel so far and for a long period of time (week or more)—if you do, I would count yourself LUCKY. I don’t think you understand how hard it is to fill these kinds of positions is and any warm body will do if you’ve asked and many said ‘no.’

    I think you need to take this time and reflect on why you’re so insecure, distrustful and unsure of this man? If you’ve known someone for over three years and are ‘best friends’ then you know his overall character. Has he been deceptive, lied, done or said things that make you mistrust him? If so then don’t date him—-its as simple as that.

    #742880 Reply


    Lane ,
    I wish it were like that and I still would be upset but at least I could see some reasoning for him hiring her .
    She’s doing promo work for his business as a promo girl , all the rest of the girls are hired in the state they are in , so he did not really need this girl , he knew it would upset me and hired her anyways ,

    It does t make me insecure and makes me wonder how important I am too him .

    So I broke it off because it’s not something I can deal with , now he’s calling me telling me , he loves me so much and I’m causing him really bad stress during his busy time of year and he realizes his mistake but can’t fix it now .

    It’s all really hurtful .
    Any tips from the ladies on how to move on and get over this , it’s had me sick feeling all week and doesn’t feel much better after breaking it off . I feel weak at moments

    #742883 Reply


    Out of all the people and it had to be THAT girl!! How f**king convenient!!

    It doesn’t matter if it’s an official relationship here, he knew the trouble around this girl, and if he was keen on making what you have with him steonger and something he protects no matter how slow you’re taking it, then he wouldn’t have jeopardize it at any rate. Unless of course it was not under his control. This woman obviously likes him in some ways otherwise all these post are unnecessary if it’s not work related.

    I think the proper way was to sit down with you and tell you that the ‘company’ is choosing her to go with him or he truly has no one else able to go with because it was short notice and ask that you trust he doesn’t like it either. Otherwise how does he expect you to have any peace of mind for the next 2 months? You’re uncomfortable with her presence and he knew that, now she has to live with her. GREAT!

    #742886 Reply


    He can’t fix it? Well he sure as Hell can!! Tell him if he wants things to work with you then he needs to put her up in long term stay hotel or airbnb. He can put his money where his mouth is if he wants this to work. e reasoning for him hiring her.

    But if he truly didn’t need her as a promo girl as you say then this issue goes much deeper. I would offer this option and see how he responds.

    #742887 Reply


    That last sentence should have been what was the reasoning for him hiring her if all the others were hired local.

    #742894 Reply


    Your story is packed with drama. Maybe it’s best that you let him go and move on with someone more suitable to your needs.l as he seems to make you insecure, upset and angry all the time.

    #742908 Reply


    Yes, I broke it off . Very hard and it’s bad but I think it’s for best .

    #742913 Reply


    He didn’t take it well and said I’m causing him stress and heartache at a rough time and I need to be understanding and wait it out .

    #742918 Reply


    Or he can tell her he won’t be needing her after all, pay her for what she’s worked plus an additional week, send her on her way and hire a local person to replace her.

    Problem “fixed”, but will he do it? That’s the big question. . .

    #742919 Reply


    DD… he could do that; OR

    now he’s stressed and upset, promo girl is right there to sooth his ills. Ugh.

    #742921 Reply


    Dd, that’s what I felt he should do .

    Also , the reason this girl and I had so drama at work was because she was talking bad about him , saying he told ppl we were having sex , which we were not even close to it at the time , said he was unattractive and girls would just go out with him because he had money . I told her off about it and got in an argument which lead to work problems .
    She blamed that for her getting fired but she got fired for showing up high , going home with customers, clients and always being late. Flashing her boobs . Etc….
    we are promos girls , btw.

    After that she started telling terrible rumors about me saying I was hooking up with him for money . All kinds of crazy things . She and I would’ve never had these issues if I didn’t take up for him .
    Then next thing I know he hires her , doesn’t tell me, I found out on social media and she’s suddenly posting pics with him . It’s just too much to deal with.

    Now , he’s messaging how much he misses me and he wishes I would get over it . I’m trying to stand my ground . Any tips on how to move on from this gracefully?? It’s really getting the best of me

    #742923 Reply


    Wish him well on his event and tell him you will meet up to talk with him when he returns. The time apart will allow a cooling off period. After this, you can decide not to meet up if you’re not interested or meet up to have a real conversation. It seems he wants things to settle down so he can focus on his work/event. If you’ve been friends with him for so long, you can do this for him now.

    I’m not sure of your ages, but it all sounds immature.

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