Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Am confused
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mama.
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Kiara
Hi everyone,
I have been with my boyfriend for over 18 years on and off, we lost a baby and he has two other children from precious women. We broke up three years ago and he moved on to another relationship, he did things with her that we where suppose to do such as moving in together and building a life together. Last year he resurfaced yet again and we’ve been in touch ever since, he comes down to see me and we do hook up. I don’t know what to do because every-time I am ready to move on he comes right back, however, I don’t want to be with a man that’ has a relationship built somewhere elsewhere. I love him to death and he is everything I want/need in a man. He moves on so fast, we get into a fight and I would ignore him for a week to see if he would call me but he never those and we are both very prideful. I am over it and I want a commitment which I don’t think he is ready to do because of this other woman. I don’t want to be the side piece that’s for sure. He loves my family and they all get along, but I can’t just keep him around because my mom thinks his the best person for me. What should I do am so confused, when we are together I feel a sense of peace and he makes me feel so loved. We are so comfortable with each other, we laugh together and can talk about anything. Why does he keep coming back.
Thank you
mama
Is this even a real post? This sounds insane.
If you don’t want to be a sidepiece, then stop acting like one.
You might want to take a break from men (especially this one) and learn what it means to live with better standards — for yourself and others. And maybe google the definition of “codependency”.
Raven
He comes back, because You allow him to come back & use you as a side piece…
Aren’t you tired of this?!
Kiara
Mama,
After I wrote this I actually asked myself if this was real. I never knew how much of a mess I continue to put myself in with him being around. I definitely know about codependency and this is exactly what’s going on. I need time off dating and just work on me. I have a really great job and I am a business owner I don’t even know what I am doing with this man. I appreciate you for even replying, I definitely have to do better and work on myself! If he can’t be sure about us for over 18 years he never will be, it is going to be hard to finally shut him out but I gotta do it. Thank you
mama
Exactly Raven… she ALLOWS HIM TO ACT THE WAY HE ACTS.
Women have a lot more power than they give themselves credit for. This woman for example, can block his attempts to contact her, sleep with her, mess with her mind and in the long run be much better off for it. SHE holds ALL that control over what happens in her life.
But she chooses to LET him do all of that and is suffering, then asks why. You can’t change what others do but you sure can change your own behavior and reaction to said bullsh**. When you act strong (refusing the games and the mindplay) you feel strong. When you act desperate (acting like therapist and a hole to fill) you feel desperate. It’s all in how you act and what you allow into your life.
Live on your terms or at the mercy of another — it’s all within our own choices.
Kiara
Raven,
I am tired I am tired god knows I am tired, I don’t even know why I keep taking him back for him to just leave whenever he wants. Like mama statement is codependency and that is something I have to work on. You better believe I am cutting him off for good, I have a job offer in another state I think am going to take it and start life at fresh. It’s time for me to take care of myself and just do better when it comes to relationships.
Robbin
Most people are saying the same as I am going to. Don’t let him hook up with you.
I had a similar situation and when he came back I told him I would love to be friends but nothing else could happen. He of course disappeared. A few years later, same situation and he disappeared. The third time he came back, he respected that I just wanted to be friends. He cares for me but for whatever reason he doesn’t want a relationship with me. That’s his problem, not mine. But I refused to let him hook up and it forced him to decide if he wanted me in his life on my terms or not at all.
Be strong, just remember that he has proven that he isn’t going to stay.
mama
Robbin,
I really hope your experience is advice enough. I’m sorry you learned the hard way, but it sounds like you did what was best for you and that it worked out for you in the end (as in I’m assuming he is no longer around anymore and you are free of those messy ties).Best of luck to you gals. <3 Be smarter, do better. Invest in yourself.
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