This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lake 1 week ago.
April 11, 2019 at 11:52 pm #745747
So I started talking to a guy, my girlfriend’s husband’s best friend by the way. He’s 50 and I’m turning 36 later this month.
Question: Is this a big gap?April 12, 2019 at 2:14 am #745752
All older widowed/divorced men intentionally dates women 10+ years younger. They have this obsession with youth and beauty, flatters their ego somehow. Yes it is a huge age gap. And no, age is not just a number.
I’m 43. If I date a man 15 years older he is 58. I’m still building my career, he is getting ready for retirement. I still raise young children in my home, he has grandchildren. I want to go out and have fun, he rather wants to relax at home. And one day when I want to retire and spend the rest of my life travelling Africa with my copilot, he will be 80 or dead
Age has huge implications. In such a big age gap, you will always be in different life stages and have very little in common, and then end up either getting divorced as almost all relationships with such a big age gap eventually fails, or you’ll end up taking care of a frail old person whilst you’re still youngApril 12, 2019 at 3:47 am #745755
echo the previous poster. At certain times in life the age gap doesn’t matter much at other times it really does.
Do you want kids/more kids if you have them?
Are you prepared to potentially be widowed at a youngish age?
Do you like the same things now and will you in the future?April 12, 2019 at 9:23 am #745763
Anything more than 5 years can be problematic as men don’t last long compared to women. Do you want to be in your early 50’s and spending time in and out of the hospital with him? Love is conditional, time is harsh in all of us.April 12, 2019 at 9:47 am #745764
I date much younger men and generally the problem is life phase. So you date a while and they want kids is the biggest issue. And you’ll run into that with older men- you want kids and then they don’t. When I date a younger man, I know it is short term, most likely.
At 36, dating a 50 year old, do you want kids? If so, that guy is a bad option because you’ll be dealing with teens and a guy with failing health. There are a really small cross section of 50 and over guys that take care of themselves and they’d be a decent bet if you didn’t want kids.
The other thing about older men is that they can be very controlling and condescending. I’ve never been on a date with one that didn’t try and take me down a few notches or try and do stuff like order for me “I insist on the calamari, you’ll love it”. “I insist you get wine”.
And you really don’t want to end up a nurse. My mom did that. My dad retired and suffered with health issues for a good 6-7 years before death. My mom retired very healthy and ready to travel and enjoy life and instead spent those years in different care facilities. Now my dad earned her love over decades. He was an amazing husband and father. They had 40 GOOD years. So for 40 years she benefitted from my dad.
But how would it feel to commit to a guy 15 years older, and maybe have 10 good years, then lose 10-15 of the best years of your life catering to their health?
This is why I don’t date men who are older than 50. I’m 45. I’d honestly rather be single than setting up myself to be a nurse.April 12, 2019 at 10:32 am #745770
i agree with all the views expressed by the posters. but then again there have been instances when may-December relationships have worked and been successful. so it all depends on the two individuals, their love, their wants, etc.April 12, 2019 at 10:46 am #745771
I think it all depends on the level of maturity of both individuals, and if they have similar interests, levels of intelligence, outlook on life, etc.
When I got married, I was very childlike. My husband was very mature for his age.
I’m six years older than my husband and we’ve been married for over 20 years.
What kept us together is that we have 4 children (I quickly matured after having my first child) and have lives outside the marriage. Jobs, interests, hobbies, friends, etc. We have never gotten bored of each other. We have had the worst fights you could possibly imagine, but we still get a little jealous or insecure of losing the other to this very day.April 12, 2019 at 10:56 am #745772
False. Yes it’s a big age gap.April 12, 2019 at 10:56 am #745773
I agree with Crisula. When I was 21 I started what would be a 3 year relationship with a man 20 years my senior. We split up because I grew up and he didn’t!!April 12, 2019 at 11:12 am #745775
If you don’t want to have kids and willing to be his nurse then you should go for it.
Age is not just a number but it’s a major issue when it comes to relationships.April 12, 2019 at 12:02 pm #745784
Dating an older man for the first time when I was 44, he was 55 (I usually dated a little younger or around my age) also made me feel like a true woman for the first time. He was a gentleman who paid when we went out and took the lead, so to speak. I am usually the more dominant one in relationships so that was a breath of fresh air. The problem was, he had two divorces under his belt and three grown kids now having kids of their own. I was a never married, no kids. He has health issues (one that affects his sexual ability), etc….. So, bottom line, YES the age gap is an issue.April 13, 2019 at 7:22 am #745855
Crisula 6 years is not a big age gapApril 16, 2019 at 1:54 am #746216
It really depends on the person.Age IS just a number because age doesn’t make older person anymore mature nor responsible than a younger person..For instance I’m 33 & not long ago I was conversating with a 56 year old man..(my mother’s 57 so he’s old enough to be my father l0l)..He was married for many years,been divorced for 8 yrs ,has 3 kids from that marriage,no grandkids..I’ve never been married & dont have kids..I caught the vibe early on that he was more trying to be my father than a man trying to get to know a woman..Then I would notice that he would make these flirtatious comments..It was confusing to say the least..My friends say he probably didnt know how to come at me since he was so much older..My response was He shouldn’t have come at all..