Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › After a date, who should text first?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 5 years, 4 months ago by
Maggie.
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Lucy
A general question that I’d love to hear people’s opinions of.
My friends and I are often discuss whether there is a ‘rule’ of who should be in touch first after a good first date.
The common answers I hear are:
. The guy. Always. No exceptions.
. It depends on who’s invited who and who’s paid etc.
. If I want to text, I will. If I don’t, I won’t.I have often gone with the last point personally as I don’t like ‘games’ and I sort of think tbat if he thinks I’m needy for texting first, then he’s not right for me but I’ve recently started to realise waiting for the guy seems to be more successful.
What do you think?
Is waiting for the guy silly or just the way it works?anon
In my experience, guys who ask you out a second time do one of two things:
1. Text you almost immediately (ie, before I get home)
2. Ask you to let them know you made it home OK, and when you do, they reply really quickly.If a guy asks me to text him that I got home, I do. Otherwise I wait.
I always thank a guy for the great time on the date.
You can always text if you don’t hear from the guy. I don’t think it turns an interested guy off, but if he was interested, you’d hear from him quickly. You can always do the “I had a great time” text if he seems passive, but if that doesn’t trigger him to come roaring back, there won’t be a second date.
peggy
Joe is right-a book I read by a dating coach,who interviewed 1000 guys on various aspects of dating and she agrees with this. She says the guys saw a thank-you text as a ploy to push another date and the men did not find it attractive.
Emma
Whether you like it or not, but there is an established etiquette for dating, especially for the first few dates. If you are itching to contact him then there is always an excuse of “I don’t play games”. But this is not a game, dear.
If a man is not contacting you after a date it has meaning. And in 99% of cases it means he is not interested. Men know that they need to court women. They are fully aware of that, and when they are interested, they go out of their ways to try and get the woman of their interest. They do try. Ask women who experienced that. So sure you can go ahead and not play games, but you won’t get far. He can reply to you out of politeness or pleased ego, but it would not be his true interest.
If a man is interested, he will not make you wait, he will contact you very soon after the date. In the past it could be 1-2 days, so with older dudes you can wait longer, but now, it is within 3-5 hours. 24 hours maximum. Most commonly right after the date or next morning.
If you did not hear from him within 24 hours, 99% chance he is not interested and there won’t be a second date. Then what do you gain by reaching out and “not playing games”? Even logically it makes no sense, but there is also this courtship thing, where women do not chase men, that it is the other way around. Have you heard about it? LOL
In other words, there is absolutely no benefit in breaking the “rules”.
In terms of ‘it depends who paid’, if he paid for the date, thank him at the end of the date in person. Do not send follow up ‘thank you’ notes. It is likely to be perceived as a push for the second date.
Khadija
I agree with Joe, tell the guy at the end of the date thank you and you had a good time.
Most guys I dated texted me to see that I got home safely.
My now boyfriend did that and the next day asked me out on another date.
ngigi marete
I disagree with them a Lady is one who has to thank man for the date u have both ,”98% of ladies thy don’t thank about the time has spread with man,however, lady has to text you before to alert the man that she has arrived safely
Maggie
Man has to text and ask first. Thank him for a great date ON the date, and then a quick peck on the cheek, squeeze of the wrist. Leave him feeling like he can chase you. It’s more attractive. The games we dislike so much are unfortunately what we have to play, unless you manage to find a completely unconventional man.
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