Afraid to date or using me?

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Devil’s Advocate 11 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #716771 Reply


    Been dating this man for 10 months now. Lately a lot has been different. My ex bf saw us out on a date once and came over to us and it was just a bad night. But ever since then he felt scared to keep dating me. Not sure if he was intimidated cause now he goes days without talking to me and i try my best to not run after him. We went to a party yesterday cause we have mutual friends and it was the first time we saw eachother in months. He asked to drop me home. On the way he said how he was jealous that another guy showed attention to me during the party and that he does miss me but he is afraid to come see me. I told him that my ex was just a smart a** that day, but in no way is he in my life or has a say to whom i date. We had sex that night, i know but it’s been too long and i wanted it. He told me if its okay we text or he calls (he was paranoid that my ex can hack my phone and see my msgs) anyway i recently bought a new phone so i said theres no way he can see my activity since he never had contact with this phone. He said okay great. He dropped me home and thats the last i heard from him. I was gona wait and see what he does next, but earlier today i went to visit my aunt who lives in the neighbourhood that he lives too. So i said I’ll call him and check if he’d like to meet. He said he will let me know cause he needs to go pick up his mom from work first, but he never did. I called him and when he picked up he barely spoke. And i felt i was just talking to myself. I got frustrated and felt like he is just taking me for a fool. So i told him this is the last time he hurt me.

    Seriously, I’m not going to contact him or run after him or any of that desperate stuff. I do like him but this is a turn off to me now. What a weak guy to let my ex bf come in his way anyway!! I want to put this behind me cause it’s almost a year already. (I cant date multiple people at the same time) So in a way, i do want to understand him and hear it from someone else if he is truly afraid to date me or is he just keeping me around for sex at HIS convenience? What do you guys think? Help me get over it. Thanks.

    #716777 Reply


    He is either a very timid man or he is using your ex as an excuse to get out of your relationships. Either way, you don’t need this crap, do you?

    Almost a year of your life is gone, do not waste more time on him. End things with him amicable and move on.

    #716795 Reply


    I agree with Emma that staying with this guy seems like a waste of time.

    You said that you saw him for the first time in MONTHS – you have only been dating for 10 months and you haven’t seen him for several of them? That doesn’t sound like there is any kind of relationship there to worry about.

    I would also assume that if he was worried about losing you to another man, he would step up and spend time with you and not simply disappear. To me, all of this sounds like his way of fading away without the hassle of actually saying much. His behavior is very unattractive on so many levels – you can do so much better than that! Good luck!

    #716814 Reply


    Thanks for the response. These are my thoughts too. He texted me this morning and said. He was with family yesterday and couldn’t talk that’s why he was quiet. Does this make sense? Why cant a man talk to me and tell me, sorry he cant make it today as he already has plans with his family way before when i asked him if we can meet. Why let me call like a fool and not talk then later tell me he was with family.

    What i hate most about this situation is the fact he held my head and looked at me in my eyes and told me he misses me but just afraid to date me. Then to later do this. He isn’t afraid to take me home though. He isn’t afraid to have sex in his car though. SMH. I guess he is just telling me what i want to hear so he can have his way.

    #716844 Reply


    Date someone else that isn’t afraid to date you. He will either get his sh*t straight or let you go. Put him to the test!! We as women need to challenge our men along the way as well…since they can only focus on one thing at a time, it takes them light years to catch up to us…haha…so expect this to reasonably take awhile and for you, date someone else, join a fitness program, sign up to volunteer for an entire month, something kinda long term. This is what separates game playing from testing out a situation.

    You can do it!! You’ll have your answer in time =)

    #716907 Reply


    Oh honey, UP YOUR STANDARDS!

    A guy who is supposed to be dating me, but doesn’t see me for months is not worth my time. This guy isn’t worth yours.

    And you had sex in his car?! He didn’t even have the courtesy to take you to his home?

    This sounds like a booty call, and one not worth your time. Let this pathetic little man-boy go. Believe and behave as if you deserve so much better than this (you do) and you will find it.

    We get the treatment we accept. Tell him to take a hike.

    #716910 Reply

    Devil’s Advocate

    I think Phillygirl summed it up perfectly for you. Yes he’s using you.

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