Advice on cheating

I was saying what happened. And my main problem here is deciding if I should leave or stay for the baby’s sake. Not for financial support but to give the child an opportunity to have a family, of his mother and father. I’m already married, so I’m not looking to be told that I shouldn’t have married early, and I’m keeping my baby, so I’m not looking for abortion advice.

Just to be sure: i didnt tell you what to do. I wrote what i would do.

In order to move past infidelity and fix the relationship, both people have to want it and work on it. It’s not something you can do by yourself. If your husband won’t even acknowledge the problem, there’s not much hope, sadly. Are you 100% sure he’s cheating? How do you know?

The most important foundation for raising a healthy child is having stability for them. That means consistency, respect, and healthy boundaries in the household. Which doesn’t necessarily mean a conventional one mom and one dad situation, especially if the dad is cheating and not fully present / emotionally available to you. Children pick up on their parents’ stress, even if the parents think they’re doing a good job hiding it.

Sweet is not the same as respectful, and without respect and trust, it’s going to be difficult to navigate this situation with the tools you have in your early 20s. Simply because most of us are still developing as people at that age and figuring things out with ourselves and relationships, not as a dig at your age.

Why do you think he’s cheating if he’s denying it?

If he’s not cheating and you have trust issues you’re projecting onto him, then you have 6 months to both work this out together, get counseling, and start to make your way through it.

If he is cheating and denying it, you can’t trust him and I would leave if I had the support system to do so and take care of a baby without him. I wouldn’t trust him to help me take care of a baby in that situation because he’s indicating he’d be selfish, putting his own needs first, and isn’t ready to show up. Having someone inconsistent and not committed to you even though you love them will set an unhealthy dynamic as the primary example to your child of what a relationship looks like. It’s scary to contemplate having a baby without him, but there’s longer-term ramifications that affect the child if you stay with him but he’s not looking for the same things as you (sounds like you want monogamy, not an open marriage) and he’s not committed to building better honesty and communication with you.

If you do leave, it may also motivate him to realize he wants to be a good father and show himself more trustworthy to co-parent or change, but I wouldn’t make any of my decisions based on expecting that. Decisions based on potential instead of reality tend to work out poorly. Do what’s best for you and your mental health (especially when pregnant and you should be trying to reduce stress), and reflects what you want (do you even want to put in the effort to work it out with him or has he shown you he has long patterns of being a crappy partner, in which case why tie yourself down to that so young?).

Sad this child is going to have to deal with so much drama. He is the father, and he has legal rights to his child, so don’t use it as a pawn.

I think both of you need to get your stuff together, as parenting is the hardest job in the world, and will need a village to help. Hope you have a good support system.

he couldn’t let you look at the phone because he’s hiding it either get counseling together forgive and move on or leave but i promise you if he’ cheats like this to where he brings her to the house that’s the ultimate disrespect he didn’t even care to do it somewhere else that’s where the line would be drawn for me cheating happens sometimes in marriages but it’s about getting to the bottom reason as to why . If you really love him instead of acccusing him ask him what is missing from the relationship and what is he willing to do to fix where it’s at to rebuild the trust and love again but that he’s gotta be open and honest you deserve that from him. Raw honesty even if it hurts. If you wanna tell him you’ll forgive him but that going forward it has to stop and seek help maybe he might be more honest but i doubt it. I hope you weigh your pros and cons based on your history with him if this is the only time but you love him try to make it work if you really don’t see him changing be honest with yourself and know what’s best for you and your baby first