AD – My First Love and First BreakUp ( Need advice )


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This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lane 8 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #776803

    Glmoud

    Hello,

    I am a foreign student and I went to France for studies in a university, and I meet this girl.
    At the beginning she was asking me questions in her lectures, and I wasn’t interested in her.
    Later she contacted me more and more and I told myself she looks interested.
    I asked her out to have dinner. She accepted, and we meet.
    Then, we meet many times after and I liked her personality and her mindset, and she was beautiful too.
    I told her that I am interested in a serious relationship and I find her attractive and I want her to be my girlfriend. That night when I asked her to be my GF, everything went well and she accepted, she was also interested in me.
    We been dating for almost 6 months, I was her “Super Boyfriend” as she called me because I was doing everything for her. I was taking care of her health problems, buying flowers and chocolate every time. We traveled a lot and we visited many cool places and ate in a lot of expensive restaurants. I even took her to Cannes, Nice, Paris, Barcelona, and I was always the man who pays for everything! I was a Nice Guy!
    I was always solving all her problems, giving her advices and I was her 100% Supportive man, and she was relying a lot on me. I invested a lot of time and money and care on this girl.
    During this time, I was doing a 6-month internship in a city called “Lyon” and she was in a city called “Grenoble” its almost 1hour drive. I was visiting her every weekend to meet her.
    We had sex many times, and we had a real intimidate relationship. She was so in love with me, and our parents knew about us and they were happy in our choices, I thought I will never lose her.
    At the end of the 5th month of our relationship, I noticed that she changed in the way she talks and acts, and she wasn’t as responsive as she used to be. I didn’t pay attention to this behavior as a sign of our relationship going down, I didn’t notice and ignored this sign.
    We had sex as usual, and because of that last time she got sick and got ” Cystite ” it’s a normal disease to women that makes them feel real pain in their sensitive parts.
    She was my first girlfriend and my first love, and I had no idea what ” Cystite ” is.
    She was with me in my city (Lyon), and then she traveled back to her city (Grenoble) the next day to get her medications. Later on, I was busy with my work and I had family problems and I told her that I can’t come and meet you because I need to focus on working.
    I will make it up for you and we will travel to Spain and Switzerland in 3 weeks. She was happy and during those 3 weeks she was doing her things. During these 3 week we didn’t see each other’s but we were talking everyday as usual.
    Then we meet in Switzerland and I noticed that she was cold, she wasn’t as responsive in kissing, hugging or holding hands. I wasn’t happy during this trip ( 5 days ) because she wasn’t intimidate enough.
    During the trip at the last day, I had a problem in my visa card. My visa card wasn’t working in Spain and my girlfriend payed for us the last day because of that.
    When we returned to France, we watched a movie in the cinema in my city (Lyon). The next day she went back to her city (Grenoble).

    One day after, she told me that she wants to break up. Because she sees that we both don’t match each other’s, we had different goals and mindsets and she was very hurt because of that time we had sex and she got sick because of it.
    We broke up the 22 August 2019, I didn’t know how to act. I tried to convince her with reason many times to change her mind and think about her decision. I asked her to take a break instead of breaking up completely, and to build the relationship instead of breaking it.
    She refused and never listened to anything I said.
    The next day in the morning, I went to her city (Grenoble). I went to where she lived and met her. She was preparing her luggage to travel to a planned vacation in Turkey.
    When I met her, I was crying in tears, begging her and pleading to change her mind and go back to me. I bought her flowers too this day.
    She didn’t give me a final answer but she told me she will give herself two weeks to see if she misses me or not and she will tell me her final answer.
    During the first week, I was afraid to lose her and stop contacting her. I didn’t want her to forget about me. I kept contacting her in the first one week, and it didn’t feel as we broke up at all. We were talking as before and chatting as before like usual. I was still sad and broken this first one week.
    After the first week, she traveled to her country (Russia) to stay one month with her family.
    I bought her flowers from a local flower shop where she lives and delivered it to her home.
    She was overjoyed and very happy. She called me: “Darling and My Love again that day”,
    I told her also that after I finish my internship, I will find a house for us in (Grenoble) so we can live together! She was very happy and agreed, and later we were choosing which apartment to live.
    That moment I was convinced that we were back together and she forgave me!
    But she never said anything, but it was my understanding.

    Later a couple of days she told me not to call her: Honey or My love, and just call her with her first name. She told me we broke up and things are different!
    I told her I thought you forgave me and you changed your mind.
    She told me I didn’t decide yet if we are back together or not!
    Then for a whole week, I was writing her love poems, love letters, and Couple goals! I was very romantic and cheerful that time, and I was always contacting her!
    She was always responsive to me and my attempts, she told me you are funny and amusing.
    Then late, I went to check the apartment which we choose together, where we will live.
    It turned out, that it was already rented to another people, I told her that we need to search for another apartment as this one is taken. She then laughed, and didn’t answer me.
    An hour later, she called me telling me I thought about it and I still am sure about my decision, I took a decision and I don’t go back in my words!
    Of course, I was trying to convince her with reason and logic many times, but she was cold hearted and would never listen to me. I felt destroyed!
    She told me I don’t see you the man in my life, she said she wants a kind man, a dependable man, and she lost all feelings towards me because I changed in the last month of the relationship.
    I told her during this month I was focused more on my Work as it required me a lot of time and effort (that’s why I asked her not to see each other’s in 3 weeks). I also told her that during this time my Mom broke her arm and stayed home, and my sisters was going through divorce procedures. That’s why in the last month I acted different as I was more focused on my Future work and Family problems.
    Then after that I sent her flowers again to her home in Russia, but she was responding at all with any kind of happiness.

    During the time she was in Russia, she was asking me for a lot of favors to do, and as an idiot. I was doing and helping her with everything.
    During the whole month she stayed with her family in Russia, I had her home key in Grenoble, she gave it to me before travelling, because a friend of her was going use her room and she left the key with me.
    She planned to arrive to France the end of September, which was her birthday!
    I went to her room, and I cleaned it, decorated it with Birthday decorations and bought her Chocolate and gifts and left it all inside her room as a surprise.
    The day she arrived to France I met her in the airport with a Flower bouquet! She didn’t even say thank you for the flowers and she acted cold!
    Then we arrived to Grenoble and we entered her room. She was so so Happy and Overjoyed with what she is seeing. She told me it’s the best birthday she ever had in her life.
    She told me: ” Ohh Darling, that’s sooo sweet, I am soo happy, Thank you Darling”
    I took the moment and told her: ” Please forgive me and let’s go back together, I love you Dear and I want to Fix this”
    She told me: ” I don’t know, I am not sure ”
    I told her lets hang out at night and have a dinner together at 20h00.
    We later met that night and had a nice dinner in an Italian restaurant. I put my hands on the table and she reached out and grabbed my hands.
    It was a good sign for me that she wants me! Then, after dinner I took her home and wished her a Good night sleep.
    The following day was the 1st of October, its been almost 5 weeks since the breakup. During those 5 weeks I was always contacting her, sending Gifts, flowers and everything.
    I was talking to her that morning on the phone very romantically and charming. But she was cold again, she told me we broke up and we are not together! We are just friends!
    I really don’t understand this girl and how her mind works!

    We both have mutual friends who invited us for dinner, I met her there.
    I was confident, cheerful and playful. After the dinner, I walked her to her home. Then I told her I wish you a Great night my Seniorita, I tried to kiss her on the cheeks, but she backed away. She gave me a very harsh and cold speech and broke my heart even more.
    The next day, she sent me a text saying that, she shouldn’t be friends anymore and she doesn’t want to talk at all to me. That text was sent the 13th of October.
    The next day (14 October 2019) she texted me in the morning, (Hi, how are you?)
    I responded to her 4 hours later that I am fine, how about you?
    Then she never responded back. Then I met her by accident in a Job forum (17 October)
    We were walking together actually, but not talking much.
    I sent her a msg that day at night, saying: ” If you are ever in trouble or in problem, don’t hesitate to contact me and I will protect you”
    She then responded, “don’t promise me such things, because I am sure they are just empty words, I am sure about my feelings and I don’t want to talk with you”
    Since the 17 October, I applied no contact and we never contacted each other’s again.

    During this no contact period, I noticed she is posting a lot of pictures on her Instagram, which is not usual at all, and she been meeting many different men and asking them out during this period, she been dating different men.
    The last Saturday, 02 November. I saw her by accident in a café we used to go there together, as its both our favorite. I sent to her table saying: Good Morning.
    She welcomed me and invited me to sit down with her, as the table was empty.
    I set there with my laptop and asked her how she was doing in the past 2 weeks, and we had a small chat. Then, I told her that I have an online course that I have to attend and I need to put my headphones.
    For an hour, we were both busy with our laptops not talking or looking to each other’s.
    After this one hour, I told her I finished and I am very happy to take this course.
    She asked me about it and asked me about my life. I told her that I just opened an online business and I been really busy investing on myself and building my future and finding a better job. She told me good luck, then we chatted for 3 minutes, and I noticed she wasn’t looking to my eyes while taking and wasn’t really focused on the conversation.
    Then I told her, I will excuse myself as I need to go!
    She asked me, what are your plans for today. I told her I will go home and work on searching for a Job and practice my interview skills.
    Then I left her saying: It was a pleasure seeing you today, have a nice day.
    Then I left and went back home.
    Ever since that day, I still apply the no contact rule, and waiting for her to contact me first.
    Three days after we met in that cafeteria, she contacted me asking for a favor in her next university exam. I didn’t reply yet.

    Thanks for reading the long post, I tried to make it as short as possible.
    Tell me what should I do, to get my ex-girlfriend back!!?

    #783589

    Dutchiii

    Bless your heart. I hope you find the girl you DESERVE .

    #783594

    Lane

    OMG, I would run for the hills too!

    Your problem is that you “love bombed” (look it up) her and in doing so were so focused on your needs that you disrespected hers to the point she lost respect for you. When she requested some “me time” then you should have respected her wishes and given it to her but did not and you are now facing the consequences of not doing so.

    I was feeling the same way with my ex-husband when we were dating. I knew he was in love with me as his words and actions showed that to me but I couldn’t get to the level he was, so I told him I needed some time alone. He heard me, respected my need to take some “me time” and didn’t bug me at all. I was originally going to use it to gather up the courage to break up with him but after a few days something happened, where instead of feeling the dread of having to do the “break up speech” I start to miss him and the thought of him not being in my life would be painful. This was the first sign that I had fallen in love with him but didn’t know it!

    If he did not give me the space to come to this decision on my own I wouldn’t have come to the one I did and broke up with him! This is when our relationship dynamic also changed where it was becoming too suffocating for and that we needed more time apart to do our own things instead of together. This is when we were able to segue into a interdependent relationship that wasn’t just based on spending time together (dependent) but able to enjoy other hobbies, activities, hanging out with friends and traveling without each other which you need to strike a good balance of as well as learning about each other in different ways such as their passions, goals, beliefs, finances, kids, etc. to make sure you’re on walking the same path instead of opposing paths.

    You became far too dependent on her and the weight of it became too overwhelming for her. Additionally you don’t use your ears or actively listen to what she says or tells you. When she told you that the two of you wanted different things you didn’t listen to her. When she said she needed some space you didn’t listen to her. When she broke up with you, you didn’t listen to her. When she told you why you didn’t listen to her. When she told you that you were still broken up you didn’t listen to her. When she told you she didn’t want to get back together you not only didn’t listen to her but tried to get an apartment for the two of you! Sorry but you are selfish, its all about what you want and need but don’t give a crap about what SHE wants or needs and it keeps flying right over your head.

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