We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first- George John Whyte-Melville
It feels like the pit in your stomach is going to crawl up into your heart and die a slow, painful death. Killing you softly, the pit requires certain sustenance to go on. So, you begin to torture yourself, feeding the pit, because without that pit you feel empty and alone.
I dated him for four years. During my freshman year of college we locked eyes and it was all very magical. I assure you. I was a young, hopeless romantic. As I got to know him better I was sure that I would never love anyone as much as him. That I would never feel as comfortable naked around anyone else. That I would marry him, that we would have babies, and live happily ever after. I was seventeen.
Four years later I think we both knew, him consciously and me subconsciously, that there was no way we would work out. We wanted different things. I see that now. But back then all I saw was him pushing me away for no reason. I was mad at him and he was avoiding me at all costs. When it came time for it to really end I was devastated.