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Sabrina sent me over some pics to review and give my straight guy opinion on “Street Chic Fashion.”

Street chic fashion, as I understand it, is when a girl spends tons of time and money on trying to look like she just threw something on without giving it any thought. Guys have their own version of this when we spend half an hour in front of a mirror trying to make our hair look like we have “bed head”.  Life is funny.

I’ve said it before: I am not a fashion writer and I have no desire to be. But I can look at a picture and give you my male opinion on it, and that’s just what I’m about to do…

Alexa Chung

I don’t have much feeling about the outfit.

She’s got a bunch of neat little accents and accessories. As a guy, I can’t think of something I could care less about… Accents and accessories on a woman’s outfit mean nothing to us.

The sandals don’t do anything for me. They’re just sandals. They don’t accentuate, they don’t dazzle. They just kind of… exist.

The hat is interesting. It actually works with her outfit so well that it blends in as if it totally belongs there. In real life I wouldn’t think twice about how a hat looks on a woman, but I do have to hand it to her that she managed to pull off a hat without it looking over the top.

Overall I’m not crazy about the dress. Too much skin-coverage and I’m not a fan of big, billowy arms. She’s showing off some leg though, so that kind of redeems the outfit a bit.

Kim Kardashian

I like the following in this picture of Kim: I like her hair and I dig her sunglasses.

But the vest makes it look like she’s trying to hide a weight problem. Come to think of it, a bunch of Kim’s casual outfits have that effect.

To be clear, that’s not to say that I think she has a weight problem – not at all. But that straight vertical line from her hips-to-torso removes any trace of female curves and (in my opinion) is totally unflattering.

The jeans (which probably cost more than I make in a month) do nothing for me. The shirt under the vest, again, does nothing for me. And as I stated before, I could care less about accessories.

I saved the shoes for last though. My god, what the hell is going on with those boots. There is nothing good about them – not even the high heel saves them.

Nicole Richie

Ouch… OK… woah…

Had to catch my breath there.

This is everything an outfit should not be.

Was she dressed by a nun? Or a woman who hates men?

I don’t have the time or the stomach to go through all the reasons why I hate this outfit. I will just checklist it:

Circle sunglasses – loathe. Dark tights – loathe. Black dress shoes – what the hell? High-waisted skirt – not a fan, although maybe without tights I would have been. Thick scarf around neck – good hickey-hider, but generally I likely more skin exposure and scarves have the opposite effect.

I’ve seen outfits where Nicole Richie looks really good and I’ve given her due props. But this is a total bust.

Rachel Bilson

This outfit reminds me of the following picture:

The ill-fitted jacket. The wrinkled pants. The sunglasses too-big-for-her-face.

I realize this is fashion, but can’t we as humans look past what is considered “fashionable” and see when something just looks sloppy and dumb?

Admittedly, this is not an awful outfit. There are even some elements that look very refined (like the white shirt and the heels).

But what happened to outfits that actually trace and flatter the female form? Seeing some female-shape would be refreshing to the straight male members of the population. This much more resembles a child hiding under a pile of blankets than an adult woman’s body.

And to add insult to injury, she’s wearing dark tights under the pants.

I just don’t understand.

Whitney Port

This outfit looks like exactly what this probably was when the picture was taken: an outfit you would throw on to pick up a coffee and then scurry back home (to get over your killer hangover.)

At least, I hope this was a hangover outfit. Please, tell me this is a getting-over-a-hangover outfit.

If this is how women start dressing because they think it’s fashionable, I think I might have to shoot myself.

I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was not trying to be “street chic”, but to anyone who’s confused here is why I don’t like this outfit:

No heel, no good. Nuff said.

Torn jeans… do nothing for me. Jeans in general do nothing for me. Want to get my attention? Show some leg. Not stupid dark tights or jeans. Legs, straight up.

The zip-up top? I don’t even have to say anything.

Anyway, I owe Whitney an apology. The poor girl just wanted to grab so coffee like anyone else and here I’m tearing her outfit apart. Sorry Whitney.

So what did we learn today?

Street chic and I don’t mix, I guess. It just looks sloppy to me. I mean, as far as I’m considered (and I’m sure the majority of guys would agree), we want to see:

• Female shape (not hidden by unflattering piles of clothing)
• Heels
• As much skin as possible while keeping it classy
• Nice long, healthy hair (in general)
• NO DARK TIGHTS (I don’t know a straight guy alive who likes the skirt + dark tights look)
• Accessories!! (Haha, just kidding, we could care less.)

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Anything that stands in the way of the aforementioned items is a no-go in my book. I don’t care if you’re talking about Red Carpet Fashion, Boho Fashion, Street Chic Fashion or any other type of fashion you want to talk about – guys like what we like and it ain’t what I saw here.

Till next time,

eric charles