Before the first “A Guy’s Take On Female Fashion” went live, I was a little unsure as to how it would be received. I mean, as I said in my first post, I could honestly care less about female fashion.
That’s not to say that what a woman wears doesn’t make a difference to me. It makes a huge difference – it’s just that I don’t care about “female fashion” as a concept. Sabrina knew this and said I should do it anyway (I guess she was tired of listening to me insult some of fashion’s current “sacred cows”…)
So we went ahead and posted the article. Not everyone liked my viewpoint, but the article got a great response overall so we decided to keep it going. Plus, I didn’t get crucified by the ANM audience so that was encouraging too.
Let’s take a look at this edition’s picks…
Beyonce
When we decided to start these, I told Sabrina that I wouldn’t be “snarky” just for the sake of being snarky. You’ll get my honest opinion. That said, this outfit is a no for me.
First, I have never been a fan of bangs. Yeah, I know that they’re hot right now, but they’ll be out of fashion again soon enough, just watch. I’ve seen Beyonce look much better and I would argue that it was because she didn’t have the bangs.
Now for the jacket. I don’t know if she was wearing it to pay homage to Michael Jackson, but big square shoulders are always a ‘no’ in my book. Always. There is no straight guy on Earth who wants to see a woman dress in a way that makes her shoulders look manly. It’s just stupid. On the plus side, I like her heels. And since it’s Beyonce, they probably have some good lift on them, so I am all for that.
As for the white shirt and jeans, I think it’s just plain. I guess you could say they are the fashion equivalent of oatmeal – I don’t have an opinion on them one way or the other.
All in all, the outfit would capture my attention, but not in a good way. The jacket should remain an MJ signature.
Blake Lively
A lot of people think leather pants look hot on a girl. They don’t do much for me in general and they don’t do anything for me here.
Again, wearing heels is always good, although there is nothing particularly interesting about the ones she’s wearing.
The gray blazer isn’t bad – it doesn’t do much for me but at least the shoulders are feminine. Maybe the blazer isn’t doing it since it falls straight, giving the appearance of a straight line all the way up the side of her body instead of curves which look… well… feminine.
This outfit is just plain-Jane. The leather pants are unusual, but I wouldn’t look twice if I saw her on the street.
Nicole Richie
I like this outfit a lot actually. I would even (grudgingly) say that she looks good here all-around.
After working on ANM for a year, I do know what a “boho maxi” is. This is not something I’m proud of.
Still, I totally approve of this look. It’s feminine, it shows off her form and doesn’t hide her natural curves which happens with bubble pants and square shoulders. Plus, I know she’s wearing heels, so that’s hot. I dig her hair too… no bangs!
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Reese Witherspoon
I’ve never liked tube-tops or strapless dresses. I’m sure that women know why they look different in a technical sense… all I can say is that I’ve always thought it just looks dumb.
I am a fan of any outfit with a skirt, although I would have liked her in a shorter skirt… What can I say?
I do like her hair. I guess she has bangs, but they don’t look bad on her. I could live with it.
And she’s wearing heels, so as I’ve said many times before, I approve. Overall I think this is a good look, even with the dumb-looking strapless top.
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Rihanna
Let’s be clear: Rihanna is a hot chick. Really attractive. So when I see her wearing an outfit that looks like this, the only thing I can do is shake my head.
What the hell is going on? First, the huge square shoulders are a monstrosity. The balloony harem pants/capris look like a garbage bag fashioned for a themed college frat party.
Plus, her hair is weird like someone smushed a mohawk. For the sake of comparison, I have included a picture of Rihanna with a good hairstyle, where she looks jaw-droppingly hot. See below:
It’s like a perfect trifecta of ridiculous fashion trends designed to make me lose all faith in humanity.
It’s so dumb looking that even the peek of her navel doesn’t score any points. I don’t know what it is. It’s like there’s so much nonsense surrounding her belly-button that it doesn’t even compute in my male-brain as part of a sexy woman anymore. She looks more like a fun smiling alien coming to show me moon rocks.
Seriously, why can’t a hot chick just be a hot chick? Throw on a dress and some heels and get a sexy hairstyle like you used to have. Even the heels don’t save this ensemble.
Whitney Port
OK, I am a big fan of the leg exposure on this one. I don’t exactly dig the fact that the entire upper portion of her body is covered (including her arms), but at least the outfit doesn’t cover her feminine form. Again, she’s showing off tons of legs and that makes this outfit a complete winner in my book.
The heels are great too. I mean, don’t get me wrong – if I weren’t writing this article I wouldn’t make a big deal about one heel versus another, but those silver shiny heels with all those strappy-things look really hot on her. (I must be driving women nuts as they read my neandrathalic ramblings about how to describe fashion stuff. I try though.)
Now, someone might accuse me of saying that I like stripper-looking heels… to which I would not argue, but I think these walk the line of looking both very sexy and classy.
I like her hair too. No bangs, looks nice and soft.
So what did we learn today?
- Some people can make bangs work, but in general bangs are a horrid creation.
- If you’ve got legs show them off liberally.
- Big squared shoulders are anti-feminine.
- Shiny, strappy heels are hot.
- Tube-tops and strapless tops look dumb.
- Harem pants are ridiculous.
- Rihanna needs a hair time-machine.
- There was only one Michael Jackson.
So there you have it. My second edition of “A Guy’s Take On Female Fashion”. And whether you like it or not, another one is on the way sometime soon so brace yourselves.
– eric charles
