Would you date a guy who is married but separated?

I personally would not…

It takes time to ‘get over’ being married…

I have dated guys who were “separated”, but I found that depending on the length of time they have been separated as to whether it was enjoyable etc. My ‘conditions’ as such is that if they’re separated, for me to date them, they must have been separated for at least 9 months, this is only because of past experience dating recently separated guys. I found they either had hang-ups with what their ex was doing, or hang ups with the ex over seeing the kids, or dramas with financial or custodial separation. I have found that a lot of newly separated fellows really aren’t ready for the long term commitment they say they’re ready for, no matter how much they try to convince themselves and me. A lot of these newly separated guys too say they want another long term relationship, but you can work out quite quickly that this just really means they want sex and casual relationships/ no strings attached. I suppose it’s all about what you’re willing to accept, and me, well my past events have told me, no-one under 9 months separated.

Dating is hard enough without adding the stress and worry of separation. It doesn’t work. I tried, two relationships, each time once the divorce was final we were no longer together.

You’re a soft place to fall.

I, personally, would not date someone who is separated. It is so very different both technically and emotionally than being divorced. I don’t think anyone can actually know how different it is until they have actually gone through the entire process.

I have a friend who is currently separated and I have told him many times that he is not really emotionally ready to be in a relationship and that he is in just a validation stage. He refuses to believe me but I see it in his dating patterns. He dates a woman, he sleeps with her, then he says he did not find a connection and ends it with her. Next woman and the cycle continues. He had asked me actually if I would want to date him and I had told him that I do not date guys who are separated and not divorced. And that I like our friendship dynamics quite a bit for me to want to change it.

He actually was quite upset and had called me when he found that his wife was on the same dating site as he. I was like and u think u r ready for a relationship when u r getting angry that your wife has decided to date? What makes it ok for u to date but not her? He understood what I said and calmed down.

I would say keep away from separated men.

Absolutely not if you are wanting a LTR. I broke this rule once and will never again………….this was always my rule not to date a married man or better yet one who just came out of a LTR. He pursued and I finally gave in and it was a big mistake. People need to remember that one needs to find them self first before they even consider another LTR. It’s a void one may feel at that time that needs to be filled…..rebound. Nothing wrong with casual dating as long as your honest with who you are dating. Now if you are also looking just for casual then go for it.

Thank you Annie and Lane, I got a better picture now. I never thought of men need such a long time to process things and how different the ways they process from women. I’m glad I come here for advice. When I asked my friends for opinion, they just told me to move on find a better guy without giving me such great explanation lol. It seems like a very very long journey to get over this entire divorce thing…

And yea you are right again Lane, he DOES distance me recently and talk wayyyy lesser than before! Daily text still but that is it. I really want to know what he is thinking inside his head!!! So I think I will just move on… it’s so hard! He is a great guy but at the wrong time… What should I do? Should I let him know I don’t want to continue this? Or should I just stop replying his text and seeing him?

Everyone’s situation is different. I am currently dating a “separated” man, and everything has been well so far. Both he and his wife are dating other people, but live in the same house for the time being. She knows about me, and he knows about her man. They hardly EVER talk to each other, and are not intimate (as far as I’m concerned); and they don’t have any children. So for me, dating a “separated” man is working out just fine (though I’m eager for him to get his own place!). He is loyal, loving, and treats me like a Queen. He texts me and calls me everyday, and we see each other like 5 times a week (we live fairly close).

I personally would not. I didn’t even date divorced men during my early dating years before I got married. When I became a widow, I was very hesitant to date divorced men, single men my age(50), separated, but widower okay. But the reality is at my age and marital status the pool of men available for me to date are either divorced, never been married, separated, widower. I struggled with the choices but luckily, I met my current BF who’s been divorced for 4 years, 6 years total divorced and separated. We’re the same age but he married early and as a result he has a 25 yr old son and the daughter is 20. His ex cheated on him and married the guy she cheated on him with 3 months after the divorce was final. It took a little less than a year before I met his children. I just felt awkward about meeting because I’ve never been in this situation before.

I can certainly understand the angst you’re going through and the advice I see here about dating divorced men with children, without children, never been married, or separated are very useful and does cover my initial concerns. I am aware of the fact that there is an ex and children in previous marriage with my current BF. I keep things at arms length when it comes to them. I don’t like to get involve in their own standard dynamic as I am clueless about divorce situations.