Would you continuing see a guy who seems unsure?

Hello Amelia,
I have been with a man before who was “unsure” and I can tell you it’s the worst place to be in. I never really knew where we stand or what he wants from me. It’s both difficult and painful and you don’t know if they’re just string you along.
However in your case it has only been a month and while I’d say most men know quite early what they want from you, maybe give it a little more time to see how it goes? Not too long but just a little longer and go on more dates and if in few weeks to a month he still doesn’t know then maybe it’s not the man for you as after that long time he should have some kind of idea of where he sees this going.
Wish you luck :)

Being unsure in the early stages is quite normal. He doesn’t want to move at a fast pace, and this is actually a good sign. Someone who wants to lock you down too early could have sketchy motivations. (Sociopath, insecure, conman etc) You both need time to get to know each other and decide if a commitment is really a good idea.

This guy seems like he is quite interested in you and may be starting to develop feelings. He’s been honest with you about where he stands (another good sign.) So my advice is to just keep dating and see where it goes, but don’t become too emotionally invested unless there is a good reason to. Make your goals about dating to learn more about him and see if he’s really a good fit for YOU (not the other way around.)

Keep living your life and dating other men until things get more serious. It’s important to date others so you don’t see this guy as the “only option” which can have the effect of making you feel like you’re losing something if he doesn’t choose you. Remember, if in the end it doesn’t work out, it just means it wasn’t a match. Then it’s onto the next possibility. Have fun on your dates and stop worrying!

Your feelings of being “good enough” are coming from you, not from him.

When you start putting out needy vibes and don’t feel good about yourself, this KILLS attraction in a guy. Nothing wrecks a potentially good relationship faster than insecurity. If you’ve had some bad experiences in the past, you could be bringing that into your present, which is only going to create more of the same.

Work on yourself so you can go on dates with him and relax, have fun. That’s the person he wants to date, not someone who is constantly wondering where things are going.

This man is being honest with you in a way that I have found few men to be. He’s laying his cards out the table and saying that he likes you but isn’t willing to move too quickly. Let him have some time, not a lot of time but even another month might help define the relationship a little more.

I think feeling needy or a little emotionally vulnerable at times is natural but it’s the way you approach these feelings that is important. Instead of needing a clear cut response from your guy work on the need to become a stronger, more satisfied person yourself. Fill your life with as many activities as you can so that you’re not waiting around thinking about him and eagerly anticipating the next stage of your relationship. I definitely understand the difficulty of wanting to define a relationship but just be patient for a little while longer.

Yeah. I am confused as to why he wants to keep seeing me when he is so unsure. He said if we don’t continue seeing each other he will really miss me. I don’t think his feelings will change either. I just wish he would have not said anything at all and we could have kept dating without me now being aware of the doubt he is having

Hi,

It would have been deceptive of him not to tell you how he feels. I am glad he was honest.

Chemistry is not a basis of “good” enough or not “good” enough.

I think I would tell him that I would like to take a break from dating him. Take a couple of months away from him so he can clarify how he feels for you.

This will determine if he feels strongly enough to continue with you…you want someone strongly attached….we all do. Set him free for a few weeks – if it is meant to be it will not do any harm.

Yeah he does know i am invested in him, it’s pretty obvious to read between the lines. He feels some chemistry i think. I know there is huge physical attraction. He also really likes my personality. He just said that i am an amazing girl, sweet, kind, funny, but sometimes he just feels the spark isn’t there and he has felt it already with previous girls by this point. He says we have moments he really feels it, and then other times it just feels too comfortable and he doesn’t feel it.

He said i want to keep seeing you because i do like you and enjoy being with you, and the thought of not seeing you anymore makes me unhappy and i’d miss you (at this point his eyes filled up), and it made me really confused as to why the thought of not seeing me brought him that emotion if he is unsure.

So i said to him do you just want to be friends then, and he said it wouldn’t work because we are more than friends, but he doesn’t want to keep leading me on and then say in 3 weeks not have the feelings still and i’m even more invested. It’s a really tough call.

I’m in the same boat as you Amelia. I did the same as you and had a talk, very long talk, with the guy I was seeing. His response was “everything was happening too fast too soon” and he even admitted to being scared. So we both decided to dial things back a bit. But I will tell you, for your own sanity, I would just think of him as a friend and do your own thing. Don’t reach out, don’t do anything. Try to leave it alone and detach yourself a bit from him. The feelings may never go away, but the ball is ultimately in his court. He’s the man, therefore he should be pursuing you and waiting on you. Not the other way around. And even if/when he does, take things very very slow. Still see him in your mind as a friend and have no expectations of him. If you start having expectations, it puts a lot of pressure on the situation and things will start to get out of control once again. I would even go as far as not having sex with him because that would only complicate things even more. More importantly, you’ll be able to see him more clearly, talk to him more comfortably and confidently. Take your time and do you. As a woman, it’s best to be with a man that is assertive and sure about being with you. If you enter a relationship with a guy who’s fickle and wishy-washy, it will just end with you in tears. Do yourself a favor and just do you. Hope that helps. :)

LOL, I just looked at the date of the initial post – the poster is probably long gone from this site. Well – that’s what I would have done. I wonder what happened in the end.

I feel like maybe he feels he needs a bit more time?

With my current boyfriend, he told me on our fifth date (this was after 1 month of going on dates, 2 months since we first started talking) that he saw me as someone he would want a relationship with and that he was ready to be my boyfriend.

I on the other hand wasn’t sure. Not because I didn’t like him, but because I had dated guys with whom things did not go particularly well so I wanted to take things slower and told him I liked him but I wasn’t where he was yet and that I wanted to get to know him a bit more.

Following that we went on a couple of more dates when he asked me again how I felt about it. I was ready then and told him that I was ready to take this forward.

Maybe give him a little bit of time? Have fun and go on dates with him! Until then, also consider yourself single and meet other guys. Give other guys who ask you out chances cause you never know who else you might find.

If even after you’ve given him time he’s not ready, then I’d call it quits. I wouldn’t personally let it drag onto more than a couple of months.

Good luck!

Amelia give yourself priority !

Don’t wait for him to accept you or wait for his green flag …if he is unsure take it as he is not even half way through and can take a turn apologizing and saying he tried. I would highly recommend to very politely tell him that please take your time and be very honest that you cant date casually and will look around too since you are not “excclusive”.

I know exactly how you feel but time to take the chords of your heart and life in your hands :)

To respond to the original question here-from 2015!, “where it sounds like the guy is unsure. My impression is he is thinking she “ticks all the boxes,so that is why he wants to see if he/they can make it work-BUT something is missing for him. So,my take is he wants it to work because he understands/sees that she is a great girl,a good match etc. but he is just not “feeling it”. So,the bottom line is that he wishes,hopes it can work but really ,it is not going to.