This topic contains 35 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Amanda 1 month ago.
March 19, 2017 at 2:33 pm #612331
Hello. My boyfriend asked me where would u like to go on holiday? I told him lets go to London. He said thats good, check flights. Next day he planned a holiday to London with his friends and no mention to our trip. On another occasion i mentioned i would like to go to New York and he also planned a trip to NY although he couldnt do it because his friends couldnt take holidays. How would u feel?March 19, 2017 at 2:44 pm #612336
I’m not sure how long you guys have been together but I would definitely bring this up to him. Not to pick a fight, just let him know that you feel hurt by the fact that he keeps planning these trips and leaving you out of them. I would be upset for sure if he asked me then he went with his friends instead.March 19, 2017 at 2:47 pm #612337
He even asked if i want to go with them, he knows i havent got holidays so that made me even more upsetMarch 19, 2017 at 2:48 pm #612339
Thank you Anna for your replyMarch 19, 2017 at 2:49 pm #612340
Tell him you are going on holiday with your other bf. Because this one isn’t a bf.March 19, 2017 at 2:54 pm #612343
Thank you LMarch 19, 2017 at 3:01 pm #612349
You don’t give enough details about this relationship. Are you young? Most men prefer to go with th gf than a group of guys.
I don’t think he is really a bf if he treats you this way.March 19, 2017 at 3:08 pm #612350
I would tell him to go on his trip with his friends…you’ll think of something fun to do and enjoy your holiday with YOUR friends.
Explain to him calmly that when he decides to actually spend some ‘alone time’ with his girlfriend…you can talk.
If he does go..which I doubt he will..don’t always be available..keep him thinking that you’re having a damn good time (which you should). Ruin HIS bloody holiday by him overthinking that you may have met somebody else.March 19, 2017 at 3:15 pm #612353
He is 28 and im 30. It looks like he prefers a group of guys.March 19, 2017 at 3:19 pm #612355
Sam, that is a blanket statement that most men prefer to go with the GF instead of with the boys. It all depends on the situation.
He does not sound like much of a boyfriend though if h brings it up but, never takes you along at least on some of these trips.
Seems like you are not giving the full story here.March 19, 2017 at 5:06 pm #612401
Of course girls, im not giving the full story here, but asking this question made me realize why i was so upset about it. It has happened before that he made plans with me and he cancelled to go out with his friends. So this is a similar situation and im being stupid on a relationship like this. I just told him i feel upset and why, and he replied that hes not going to cancel, that he doesnt need my permission, that we didnt even had a plan to go… we did have a plan to go, he asked me to check so we could book early.March 19, 2017 at 5:30 pm #612417
It is called Gaslighting….when someone rewrites history.
Stick by your guns.March 19, 2017 at 5:33 pm #612420
I dont understand your message redcurleysue. Can you explain please?March 19, 2017 at 5:33 pm #612421
He was clearly in the wrong asking about holidays, making plans and then turning his back on you without any explanation. But everyone can be a douche sometimes. What matters is how he goes about fixing things. In your case he went on the offensive. Instead of saying sorry hun next time definitely, he became aggressive. This is not a good character trait. After he comes back from him trip sit down with him and say what Anna’s suggested. Do not text about it. Texting is going to make things worse.
How long have you been together? Is this the only thing? I am guessing there is more. When a person is that inconsiderate they’d be inconsiderate in other ways as well.March 19, 2017 at 5:48 pm #612430
Weve been together for nearly a year, and i feel im plan B. First his friends, then me. I think best thing is to break up with him.I know im upset now but i dont feel happy in the relationship being the back up plan. He just told me he wont say sorry because theres nothing wrong about his trip with his friends. I told him its the fact he forgot about the plan with me that makes me upset. Even if he says sorry that wont fix anything because i feel he forgot because hes taking me for granted. He says if i want to go we can go again on my holidays. I feel like breaking up right now.March 19, 2017 at 5:51 pm #612432
He says if im upset its not his fault and shes asking me to be happy. Im more pissed nowMarch 19, 2017 at 5:51 pm #612433
He is not she isMarch 19, 2017 at 5:51 pm #612434
Gaslighting is a psychological term which you can google online. Many guys with Cluster B disorder will use it, they turn words inside out, change the past, at least their perspective how they tell you will be totally different, they often make you believe it happened the way they tell you even though you know it did not, at the end up you end up doubting yourself. They blame you to the point that you again doubt yourself that perhaps you really did something wrong whereas if you listen to your inner feelings you know that you are not wrong. Listen to your gut feelings. Not saying he is a psycho but he certainly is not treating you like much of a boyfriend and when you ask him, then he starts changing history, hence the gaslighting.March 19, 2017 at 5:56 pm #612437
Thank you for the explanation. It really sounds like whats happening right now. Hes changed the story to better support his arguments and hes leaving me like hes right and im wrong, that hes doing nothing wrong. He said he cant have in his head the plans he made with me 24/7. The more he talks the more upset im becoming. Im keeping the conversation cool but im not cool at all. Im texting him btw, i dont feel like talking to him or on the phone.March 20, 2017 at 6:03 am #612538
You need to speak with him and not text.
Clearly you are not on the same page, I respect the fact you realize this and that the relationship isn’t working for you.March 20, 2017 at 2:57 pm #612658
One year of this sh*t ….
Why are u even with this guy if he is treating you like this??March 20, 2017 at 3:52 pm #612680
I dont even know what im doing in this relationship. I have put more effort in the relationship and im feeling stupid now. Today he put the blame on me again telling me that im upset because i dont want him to plan with his friends, then he changed tactic and told me he wasnt very nice to me, but i guess its just he wants me to be cool so he can enjoy his holiday.March 20, 2017 at 3:53 pm #612681
I havent talked to him because i think if we meet he will convince me again with some beautiful words.March 20, 2017 at 4:19 pm #612683
If he doesn’t make you his priority after one year… He NEVER will.
You don’t need any of this… Walk away…March 20, 2017 at 4:30 pm #612684
So after a year things should so not be that way. Especially at your ages. This reltionship doesn’t sound like it,s going anywhere. A man who has been with his girlfriend a year doesn’t plan a vacation without inviting her, especially when he knows that is where you want to go! Move on.