Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Will he come back?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 2 years, 10 months ago by
Amber.
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Amber
So I met my friend brother for the first time at her bday party. We got along really well, both in our early 30s. He started texting me more after the party and we decided to go on a date. I always hear stories from my friend how her brother is a really caring guy, how he put his family first and always look out for her. The last gf he had was 5years ago and since then he took some years off to focus on himself and started dating again about 2 years ago but nothing workout. I thought there is a connection between us, he always make me laugh and it was easy talking to him. His life is really busy so we don’t get to meet up in person much, but he always call me at night and we would talk for at least an hour before he need to sleep.
We’ve been on a few dates now, but 3 weeks ago we had a small fight. He was under a lot of pressure already with work so he told me that he doesn’t think he can start a relationship with me, he just doesn’t have the time for me. He said that I’m a great girl but he doesn’t want to hold me back from finding someone who can give me more time. I was really heartbroken because I thought we were going so well.
It’s been nearly 3 weeks now since we stopped talking to each other. I notice every time I add a story to my fb account, he would look at it. I am trying not to overthink but does this mean he still have feelings for me? Will he want to try again when his no longer under stress? I wouldn’t look at someone stories on fb is I weren’t interested in them or unless we’re really close friends.
Raven
Sorry Honey, if he were interested- he would contact you directly. Remove him from your social media…
tammy
ofcrse he likes you and is interested in you. or he wldnt have got involved with his sister’s friend. its not about that. from what you have posted it seems he has sudden work pressures and he doesn’t have the time for a full fledged relationship presently. hence he opted out. that’s one way of looking at things.
another is that he ofcrse fancies you but doesn’t think you guys are a good match for the long haul. and hence he let you down in a nice way. either which way atleast he decided he should not waste your time. thats good and thoughtful.
either which way, fact remains he broke off things. and not just that, he told you he doesn’t want you to hold you back from dating other men and forming relationships with them. i think he has cut off things completely, you need to do it as well. its over and he ended it. you need to accept that and try to move on.
for that its important that you remove him from all ur social media platform profiles. unfollow unfried and remove him from all your lists. that will help you get over faster. sorry to say but its over and that’s that.
Zoe
He told you the truth
Loose the hope. They come back when they see you with another manErin
Sorry love, when a guy tells you he doesn’t want a relationship and he says he doesn’t want to hold you off from seeing other men it leans he’s just not that into you, unfortunately.
I’m not saying he doesn’t like you, he does obviously but not enough to consider you his girlfriend and a serious relationship.
Yes he is stressed from work, he is busy etc but busy people are also in relationships out there, presidents, ceos, active duty military men are in relationships and some even have wives and families so that is not an excuse.
What he’s doing is called orbiting, where a person who broke up with you or ghosted you gets to watch your social media but doesn’t contact you directly or reply to your messages. Close enough to see but too far to talk..
Just Unfollow/unfriend/remove so he doesn’t keep up with you
Ewa
to answer your question , no he won’t.
I watch people’s stories without sometimes realising what did I just watch, he most likely is doing it when he is really bored.
you should be grateful that he told you he is not into you instead of just disappearingMaddie
“Will he want to try again when his no longer under stress?”
Maybe, but who cares? He shuts down in his romantic relationships when under stress, and there’s *always* stressors in life. A man ready to be a good partner can cope with stress, and when someone can’t, they can end up single for 5 years (or 2 in spite of trying to earnestly date). I’m sure you’re not the first woman he’s done this with, and as Erin said, it’s an excuse and giant red flag about his capacity for dating and ability to show up for you.
In addition to that, even though it’s disappointing, listen to what a man says when he breaks things off. If he says he doesn’t want to hold you back, run. He’s not committed, doesn’t want to be committed to you or invest, and it’s over unless you want to waste your own time.
It was only a few dates. I’d totally disconnect from him and make sure things are okay with your friend (and that the friend isn’t in the middle of anything with you and the brother). It sounds like they should be, as he was respectful to you and ended things and you didn’t do anything wrong with him. If everyone is mature it’s okay, but sometimes people can get touchy when things don’t work out between friends or between friends and family members.
Amber
Thank you everyone for your advice and comments. I will cut him off from all social media and will stop thinking of the possibility of him coming back. It just really hard right now to accept that my feelings for him was deeper and stronger than his feelings for me. When you started investing time and emotions into it, it just so hard to withdraw it back or forget about it. I will try my best, I do agree with everyone that his properly not that into me in the first place.
Since we broke it off peacefully, I’m still good friend with his sister. She doesn’t want to get involve, but she still try to cheer me up.
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