Why People are Afraid to Communicate in real life and rely too much on text

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  • #703717 Reply


    I feel like banging my head against the wall every time I see women on here going along with sub-optimal communication from a man (only texting) and when they rely of texting as a main method of communication. And it’s not just men. I see women on here all the time who are uncomfortable talking on a phone and refuse to. How in the world do people hold down careers these days and be afraid of the phone??

    I felt compelled to share this article (one of hundreds out there that say the same things) as a result of a post today where a woman said she and her BF text about 100 texts per DAY! And she is upset because he doesn’t always pay attention to everything she texts him.

    I am not a fan of over-texting and I really believe that communication techniques and skills, for people who do, are completely lacking. They can’t communicate in ‘real time’ and need the guise of a phone and words on a screen to ‘prepare responses’ hide from uncomfortable discussions, and convey interest, when in fact, most people multi-task when texting – so you never have a person’s full attention.

    The following is an article from Psychology Today.

    The Trouble with Texting

    A few reasons why texting is no substitute for face-to-face communication

    Posted Jan 21, 2013

    Lately, I’ve noticed more clients using text messages to discuss or argue about unresolved issues in their relationships. As someone who is all thumbs with my thumbs, I’m always amazed that people have the digital dexterity to carry on a reasonably coherent text dialogue for longer than two minutes. But personal challenges aside, texting is not the way to negotiate a relationship.

    As texting becomes second nature to a generation reared on iphones, it’s worth noting that human beings were designed to connect with each other on many different levels. UCLA professor Albert Mehrabian found that 58 percent of communication is through body language, 35 percent through vocal tone, pitch, and emphasis, and a mere 7 percent through content of the message.

    We all know that good communication is the cornerstone of relationship. So why attempt to resolve a disagreement using only 7 percent of your full expressive potential? Would you run a marathon with 7 percent of your physical strength, or take an important test with 7 percent of your intelligence? Would you host a holiday gathering with only 7 percent of your house cleaned?

    And that’s a generous 7 percent. Consider all the annoying slips of finger that can interfere with clear communication. When the difference between “mad,” “sad,” “bad,” and “glad” is an errant thumb, wobbly finger gymnastics can be costly and confusing.

    I understand that for some people, texting has become a habitual form of communications. And we all know that some habits are hard to break. But I also believe there are additional reasons why someone might initiate a delicate or difficult conversation via text. Here are a few theories:

    1) To avoid revealing vulnerable emotions. No one can hear the trembling or the anger in your voice in a text.

    2) To protect oneself from having to hear another person’s distress, whether it be crying, anger, or strain in their voice.

    3) To have some control over the conversation, including setting boundaries with difficult or verbose people. Sometimes this can devolve into manipulation, especially if one party refuses to talk on the phone.

    4) To expend less energy. Texting requires fewer sentences than talking or emails.

    Despite appearances, I am not anti-texting. Like any technology, texting has its place, especially for a quick hello, simple banter, or making plans. But as I tell my clients, it’s always preferable to discuss problems face to face. And when that’s not possible, our smart phones also have digital keypads.. and we have fingers.

    #703726 Reply


    Honestly I sometimes think texting was the worst thing to happen to dating/relationships!

    #703727 Reply


    My BF didn’t use any emojis in his text to me last night! what does it mean! Is he going to break up with me?

    #703729 Reply

    Better off single

    5) to think about what you say before you say it. Instead of saying the wrong thing verbally in the moment.

    6) to have a digital leash on the significant other. I suppose that can be added to 3.

    Me personally I prefer talking to people face to face and turning the cell off or forgetting I have one.

    #703737 Reply


    Texting is also what low interest men do so they can talk to multiple girls at once. Learned this the hard way when one guy sent me a message meant for someone else. LOL It’s also a great way to not get emotionally attached to someone. (from the guy’s perspective) IMO

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