Why do they always come back?


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  • #646653 Reply
    B

    I swear, guys have this ridiculous sixth sense that tells them “whoops, she’s over me, better slip into her DM’s again”. Two days ago I finally decided I was totally over this guy who I had dated briefly (about 4 months) earlier this year. I recently deleted him off all social media platforms but he requested to add me again and sent a lame message to “have an awesome trip!” When he saw I was on a day trip to San Fran. Today I get the “hey how are you? It’s been awhile” text.

    So frustrating! The second you are truly, officially over a guy they try to come in and make it harder for you to be rid of them completely . It’s like they just cannot let us go and be okay without them. WHY do men do this? Pride? Ego? A genuine case of them really missing us? To eff with our heads for the heck of it? Gahhh.

    #646654 Reply
    B

    Might I add that this was someone who decided to pull the slow fade on me after I set some boundaries and called him on being inconsistent and flaky with me after months of dating.

    #646657 Reply
    Deena

    I think it is mostly boredom and for an ego stroke. However, they don’t ALWAYS come back. The men who ghosted me recently never returned. I am trying to slowly come to terms with it

    Good luck. : )

    #646659 Reply
    April

    Haha funny isn’t it? My ex boyfriend recently messaged me as well (and again after a yr) ‘wishing me well and apologizing for what he did’ (for what he did 3 years ago!) and that he wishes im happy with the man of my dreams’ (we are still friends on Facebook and have mutual friends as well) basically all you said why men do this – for an ego boost (to check if you still like them), for feeling guilty, they still can’t get over you or they’re just plain bored with their lives. 😂

    In my case I didn’t respond to his message anymore – 1. I told him to stop messaging me already which I did the previous year (we broke up years ago, I think one apology message is fine and he’s not the type of an ex that you can be good friends with after a break up) and also because 2. He is currently in a relationship with someone.

    But it’s up to you if you want to respond – it can be a friendly message and leave it at that.

    #646660 Reply
    B

    Really? In my experience pretty much every guy has come back around whether it be a few months or years later.

    It sucks to be ghosted but to be honest, you are lucky they don’t come back because most of the time it’s not sincere. Ghosters, that is. Give them the finger – They’re a different breed and usually have nothing good to offer a lady. You deserve better!

    #646670 Reply
    Amy S

    Ghosters are a certain breed for sure. You cant ever shake them off. They have a rotation Im sure and they only use you for an ego stroke, possible hook up etc etc. Lather, rinse repeat if you allow it. Waste of your time. Dont feed the ego. Ignore and move on.

    #646676 Reply
    Apple

    They don’t come back unless you allow it. Don’t answer messages or texts. It’s that simple. They comeback because they are bored. It’s easier to hit someone up for attention that they already know they woo someone new. They never come back for the right reason. So it’s not even worth giving it a second thought . And don’t respond! Why would you accept a fb request?

    #646947 Reply
    ha

    Ha, same thing has been happening to me recently. I broke up with a casual date guy. Then he has contacted me every once in two weeks. I recently deleted him from all the social media including Whatsapp. I told him I met a guy I like a lot and this is true. Then out of the blue, he sends me a lame message how I am doing. I just replied a short msg saying I am fine and happy. I make sure that I do my best in whatever relationship I am to make the guys who made me walk away or who left me to think of me even after some time so they can suffer with their downgraded egos.

    #646953 Reply
    Emma

    By checking in and asking how you’ve been your exes are not coming back ladies. Is it not normal to want to know how someone you’ve been intimate with doing? Some dorks do want an ego stroke and some are bored, but most people want to make amends, apologize if they did something wrong, and find out how you doing. Some of them still have feelings for you.

    But not ghosters. Those are a special breed indeed. It is better to stay away from people who choose this method to end things. By ghosting or fading or using silent treatment, because it is the ultimate disrespect of the other person, invalidating everything that has to do with them.

    For what it worth, I know of a couple of “normal” guys who ghosted women and friends in their lives for various reasons, mostly because it was uncomfortable for them to explain their reasons, so they decided it is ok to just ignore someone. Well, none of them have a good marriage or stable relationships. So it is a package deal so to speak, this mentality causes other things, so if someone ghosted you, shift your feelings from hurt towards realization that you were actually spared some bad trouble in the future. LOL

    #646960 Reply
    Ollie

    Completely agree with Emma!

    I had a ghoster from a few years ago get back in touch last week via text. A few texts into the conversation and I wanted to hurl.

    We sent a few texts just updating each other on the big life events of the past few years… and I think “okay fine, I can do this, I don’t see him as dating material, but maybe a friend”

    He then texts “Got big plans tonight?”

    Me: “I just finished a big workout so I’m done for the night.”

    Him: “I can come over and massage your sore muscles for you (winky face emoji)”

    When he ghosted I was kind of apathetic, now I’m extremely grateful that he did and disgusted by his attempt to reappear.

    #646986 Reply
    Shoshannah

    I agree with everything Emma wrote. Ollie – yuck! his lame text makes me sick, to send something like this after ghosting…

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