When he says he is not well


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice When he says he is not well

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 45 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #426372
    Anny

    I have been dating this guy from past four-five months, everything was going good with him chasing me, then he said a day before that he is unwell. A past relationship I had, about three years back, the guy used to want me around more when he was sick or something, but this one has created such a huge disconnect in just two days that I am confused and also worried.

    A day before he ended phone call saying he needs to rest and then nothing all day yesterday. Just before sleeping I texted him to see if he is ok. But nothing until mid-day today. Then I had a message saying he is still not well. I left for a meeting. When I came back from it an hour later I texted him to wish him well and that take care. Since then nothing. Its nearly night time now! I am panicking a bit as its a bit unusual, he is used to be all over me from everywhere all the time. This is a big disconnect. Is this normal? Like I said, previous relationship experience was a complete contrast to this one, in not just this but in many other ways. These two guys are totally different!

    Thanks

    #426376
    Boog

    What is he sick with? It could be that he has been sleeping for most of the day, or really uncomfortable physically. Have you asked if there is anything you can do/bring him to make him more comfortable? I wouldn’t panic yet, but since you’ve been dating 4-5 months it wouldn’t hurt to ask for a little more information about what he’s going through.

    #426377
    Anny

    He has cold. I did ask him, he said he needs to rest. I said, I wish I could be with you. He replied. hmm. What am I supposed to make of this? May be he is just resting but he is making me feel low like this.

    #426381
    Rose

    There are guys who prefer to be left alone when sick. Give him time.

    #426382
    Sin

    I operate like this when I’m not well too. He maybe that type. I normally prefer being on my own till i have recovered. Give him a couple of days. I think he will bounce back

    #426398
    Alexi

    He maybe sick he may be becoming distant from sensing neediness. It’s really crucial for u to remain calm and know that u will be okay whether things work out with this guy or not. Just be yourself and give this guy some space until he gets his head together or whatever the fuck he is doing… If you’re not in a committed relationship start talking to other guys in this down time and keep yourself busy and active until he comes around! And if he doesn’t it’s his loss!! You’ll be okay there are plenty other fish in the sea girl! Good luck :) :)

    #426411
    Anny

    Thanks ladies. I will wait up. My last text might have sent neediness signal, can I undo that?

    Not sure if I would like to keep up with seasonal flickering though!

    #426418
    Heather

    Anny, Do NOTHING! Let him rest and get well again. When he’s ready he will contact you.

    #426425
    redcurleysue

    I believe someone until they give me a reason not to trust them. If he has never lied to you then trust him. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help. Tell him to rest up and call once a day to check on him….you would expect the same courtesy from him.

    Good luck.

    #426427
    Anny

    Thanks! redcurleysue, that’s what I did…checked once a day and extended help, if anything I could do. And I was made to appear as if I am clingy or bothering him!

    I hear from all of you that this is probably normal among some guys and also some women. Its new to me as I always believed that people liked being looked after. Anyways, I have been discouraged enough and now I will not message him tomorrow, not even to ask if he was ok.

    #426429
    Sanni

    Anny, you are over analyzing to the max!!!! You need to let the poor sick man BREATH without you breathing down his sick back!

    Let the man get well, give him some time to recoup! Of course he’s disconnecting, it’s temporary and it’s not personal. He’s disconnecting so that he can get well! When I’m sick, I disconnect too, because I’m too busy trying to get better by sleeping or just feeling incredibly under the weather to the point where I have no energy to entertain anyone.

    You shouldn’t have gotten needy with your texts, that comes off as very selfish. Think about it, he’s in bed, sick, sleeping, has little energy, and he’s reviving texts from you with messages at reads to him something like “hey! I know ur sick but I need some attention! Validate me!!! Send me a message back so that I can feel better! Me, me, me….”

    Relax, he’s sick. He most likely would rather you not be around him when he’s feeling like shit and prob looking like shit. It has nothing to do with you. You should have just shown ur concern when u first found out, wished him better and left it by saying “if you need anything to help make you feel better, don’t hesitate to ask” and allow him to reach out if he should need you.

    From now on, leave the poor sick man be. He will reappear again when he’s feeling better.

    #426431
    Anny

    Okay..I will let him be. Probably you all are right. I will update on how it goes.

    #426727
    Anny

    This is what happened next..
    He called me yesterday in the morning. I am usually asleep at that time but just yesterday I was out jogging. I called him after I came back, he did not answer, I left him a text telling him that I was out jogging and did not had my phone and how was he feeling. He did not reply whole day and then at night messaged , ‘hi’, no calls! No reply to my text! It did not feel good so I went to sleep without replying to his ‘hi’ing.

    This morning he sent ‘hey’ again. I replied with a hi and have nothing!! I am just starting to feel that he is not bothered about how I feel, he will text/call/see me in his free time. The courtship period is probably over and I am the one stressing out and feeling bad about the whole thing!! And probably he is sensing that when I don’t reply its because I am not happy about something and when I do reply after an hour (as opposed to one whole day like him), I am so desperate for him!!

    What would you all suggest me to do here. I don’t want to be rude since he is only recovering from a illness. I also don’t want to game play but its early and I can gain the respect back and maintain it. I suppose…

    #426731
    Elsa

    Hi Anny, Thanks for your update I was looking forward to it.
    Im not sure about what you should do.
    I think it would be ok for you to ask him how are you?
    And then leave it be.Like this the ball is in his court again and you can just relax. Its up to him then to ask you out again.

    Thats what I would do but maybe some other ladies have different ideas :)

    Please keep us updated and I wish you well! :)

    #426763
    Babs

    My advise is don’t reply to any texts or calls. My boyfriend said he was sick, but he really wanted space. So I gave it to him.When he finally text me to thank me for something I ignored it. I didn’t call him or text him for 3 days (it wasn’t easy) and next time I saw him in a social setting, I also ignored him, well let me tell you, after he realized I was at the same place he was he asked if I got his text and I just said yes and nothing else. Well let me tell you this, when I decided to go home he insisted on walking me to my car and then all of a sudden he wanted hugs & kisses and for me to go home with him, when we were alone he told me how much he lives me and that he was sorry for being inconsiderate and since then he’s been wonderful.. SO pretty much what was happening, is he can dish it out but he can’t take it when he is ignored. I don’t think men play games on purpose but I agree with some of the above posts about coming across needy. I just let him have what he wanted and let him do a bit of chasing and all is good now. :)

    #426775
    redcurleysue

    Men lead and women are to follow (or not if you don’t want to.)

    To me the only exceptions to this are life circumstances where you can be a friend, death in the family, illness, etc. Then it is fine to step up and show caring – not excessively I might add – but that you care and you are there is they need you (offer to help etc.)

    After that the ball is totally back in the man’s court.

    #644241
    juanita juniper

    This is the EXACT SCENARIO I go through every few months. It ruins any closeness that has built up between us, to go a couple days without communicating when HE is the one who got me used to his calling constantly, you know? It’s horrible and it makes the woman appear needy, but really, he is causing it because he got you into this whole constant communication crap in the first place. You don’t know if you should keep texting or asking how are you, because if you don’t they’ll say “you didn’t care when I was sick boo hoo hoo”, but if you DO ask, then you risk them thinking you’re needy, clingy, or also that they just won’t reply and leave you in silence for days!!! It’s a manipulative game if you ask me, one that they can go play by themselves. I hope you walked away, anyone that truly has empathy and cares about you would understand how that must seem on your end. I’m not saying a person doesn’t need time alone if they’re sick, but I guess it’s sort of an insecurity that’s built up in you becuase of how he always treats you and suddenly, it has changed. It seems like it changed for awhile, too, not just because he was “sick”. It’s such a painful feeling, because you don’t know what to do. I hope you figured it out and feel better.

    #644258
    C

    Original post was over two years ago.

    #697648
    hannah

    Okay well my crush is sick and i feel really bad and well i was texting him and said i wish i could help and comfort him and he just said haha. What does that mean?

    #697671
    Hannah

    Other Hannah, it means he doesn’t want you to comfort him etc. Don’t take it personally. Would you want to see a man you liked when you weren’t looking and feeling your best? It’s different if you’re in a long term relationship but not right at the start.

    Leave him alone to recover unless he gets in touch. He may not feel much like texting if he’s ill.

    #708659
    Barbs

    Hey guys,

    So I’ve been seeing this guy for a month and a half(I know it’s super new), but he canceled plans with me this past weekend because he said he wasn’t feeling well. He went home from work Friday and past out. He messaged me the next morning(Saturday) and said he had appendicitis and needed emergency surgery Satuday afternoon. He messaged me after surgery and he updated me Sunday as well. All of a sudden, after telling me he was feeling better, he has grown very distant. I’ve offered my support and to visit him, he didn’t want any visitors and has not acknowledge my show of care and concern. I spoke to him yesterday at 1:45 pm last and he didn’t respond to my text until this morning at 730, gave me an update and quickly let me go. Haven’t heard from him since. He’s growing more and more distant and has seemed off. Before we would text all throughout the day, shall I be concerned? Seems like it’s normal for guys to retreat when they are sick but if I was stuck in a hospital room bored, I would be all over texting people and keeping busy. Everything was amazing and he seemed so enthusiastic before so I thought he would be more receptive to my genuine concern and support or would want to talk to me.

    #708665
    Jenny

    You’re smothering him. He’s SICK and probably on pain meds that make him sleep. Leave him alone before you bug him right into dumping you.

    #708673
    C

    1) You’ve only been dating 6 weeks, 2) He had EMERGENCY surgery! 3) They actually took out an organ out of his body 4) do you really feel like texting and chitchatting when you are in pain and healing from major surgery? 5) It’s only been since this morning!! Maybe YOU need to go to the hospital and get a chill pill!!

    #708680
    Umm

    He wants to rest and recuperate. Why would he want to text with you all day? How can you say he is distant. You really expect someone who had surgery about two and a half days ago to be non stop texting on his phone. It can take one to two weeks before person can even return to work after this surgery. They get diarrhea, stomach pain, incision pain, and general tiredness from the stress of general anesthesia. I think you should ge happy he bothered to text you at all the day after surgery. You aren’t caring about him. You are focused on what you want and not what he wants. If you want him to appreciate you, tell him you will let him rest and feel better. And that he can reach out to you as he feels up to it. Then leave him alone for a few more days. He doesn’t owe you updates every few hours, many times showing support means backing off and not smothering someone. Which I have to admit, reading your post made me feel anxious.

    #708721
    Emma

    You did what you could to show him your support, there is nothing else you can do. A few days from now if you don’t hear from him, you can call him and ask how he is feeling and that you hope his surgery went well without complications. Then you can say that you feel he wants space (ha!) and would leave it up to him to contact you, because you are unsure if your company is needed. Something along those lines, but make it friendly and light. If he doesn’t reply again, then you’d have your answer.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 45 total)
  • The topic ‘When he says he is not well’ is closed to new replies.