Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › when does the girl initiate?
- This topic has 20 replies and was last updated 5 years, 10 months ago by
redcurleysue.
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Michelle
Went on 2 great dates with a guy. Conversation was flowing & we just have a lot of chemistry. Both times he asked me to hang out with him.
The first date was on a Saturday for drinks & the second was the following Thursday for dinner. So now it’s Monday so it’s only been a few days. He’s texted me a couple times since but we aren’t texting 24/7 or anything. At what point does the guy expect the girl to initiate anything? I don’t want to rush things but I also don’t want him to think I’m not interested. I’m obviously looking too much into this…
Juliette
Hi Michelle,
There might be varying schools of thought on this, but I truly believe at this point that he should still be doing all of the initiating. Asking for dates, texting, phone calls, etc. If you are warm and responsive when he reaches out to you and warm and graciously thank him when you are on dates, he will know you are interested. That is my position and it is what has worked for me. It has also helped me feel confident that when he contacts me and asks for a date, that he is genuinely interested in me. Good luck! Keep breathing and take it slow.Michelle
thanks so much! that’s what i thought in my head as well, but needed it confirmed. :)
Cleo
I agree with Juliette. YOU have only been on 2 dates, so the guy should still be initiating the dates. With my boyfriend (before he was my bf) I kept him initiating until one day he told me that why don’t I ever initiate the conversation, so then I started to periodically, but made sure he was putting 70 percent of the effort in, while I was putting 30 percent. Now that we are a couple I will initiate whenever I feel like it, but still I like him to text me first, and then I will ask if he wants to hang out.
Ivy
At 2 dates, I would let the guy intitiate the 3rd.
Gemini615
Agree with the other ladies.
Michelle
Thanks everyone – I’ll continue with the waiting game
Ellen
I agree. Waiting for him to take the lead is still best this early in the relationship. However, sometimes it sure can be tortious. I am waiting patiently for my guy to call me after a second date. If he wants to see me again, he’ll call.
Mel
I guess the general rule of thumb is you let him take the lead for the first couple of months he needs to lock you down into a relationship first. Otherwise do not initiate anything.
Lidiya
I just want to leave a comment to say you have my emotional support girl. *lol* UGH waiting for them to make a move is the WORST!
Ivy
Women aren’t supposed to be waiting for the man to make the move, we are supposed to be living our rich full lives and if the man calls he calls, if he doesn’t he doesn’t. The best relationshps happen when we wouldn’t notice if he had called or not, cause we weren’t waiting we were too busy enjoying our lives. Even if you are not initiating, if you are WAITING then I truly think you are already putting yourself in a weaker place in the dating game and that a man can smell it a mile away. Anyway, you might be into the guy but it’s 2 dates so don’t over-invest yourself emotinally.
Mel
Ivy is right
I have been in my relationship for almost 6 months and I love it that he is in contact with me every day even when he has his “freak out” moments lol but because I still have a full life outside of him I am able to still be me. And like Ivy said guys can pick up on this, even if you have been in a relationship for awhile but then you stop being you and drop the stuff you like that is usually when they start feeling suffocated. Never stop being you, never drop your life. Even though we still have things that come up that make seeing eachother difficult, my guy still comments on how he loves the fact that I don’t rely on him for my happiness I make my own happiness.
I like my saying a relationship is suppose to enhance your life, not make it miserable.Don’t wait around for the guy, make your own happiness
Michelle
Thanks so much for your comments. I did get the third date earlier in the weekend and I’ve realized your point is so true ivy. I need to just relax and live my life and if the calls/dates happen, they happen. No use worrying too much about it so early. Thanks everyone!!
Flower
Just wondering..does this apply to an fwb relationship? Ya know, to keep the fire burnig? Thoughts?
Sherri
FWB is not a relationship. It is two people meeting to have sex. In that case, either you or he initiate. As long as you are not in the hope of it turning into a relationship, you are all good. If however, you are hoping that your FWB will turn into a relationship … then you better get out now as you will get hurt….
Balex
Men, just like women have feelings too. Somebody said “when he contacts me and asks for a date, that he is genuinely interested in me.” .. it works the other way too .. why are your feelings more important than his. When you don’t follow your heart and act according to some rule, you are playing a game. If you are interested in him, you can call him too. Men want to be felt wanted just as much as you do. To think otherwise, is selfish.
Balex
Personally, if I have already had 5 dates and the girl hasn’t initiated contact, I drop her like a hot potato. It’s not about me not being interested in enough, it’s about her not being interested in enough too. It’s a two way street. Your feelings of being wanted are not just exclusive to your gender.
Raven
Geez… Really?
3 years … Are you that desperate to troll…Tina
I think letting him do everything on his own is a bit harsh, too. You don’t have to take him for dinner but maybe the next time he asks when you are free you can suggest something – maybe “Yes, I’m free this Friday and I really wanted to go to that concert … if you are interested”. Or after dinner you can suggest you go to another bar that you love … or for a walk somewhere nice … In that way you contribute and show him some of your personality and don’t just sit there letting him take you wherever. I think you also make his life a lot easier and you might get extra points for that. :)
But I’m European and maybe USA is different.
Lucky
100% Agree with Balex. If a guy keeps contacting you first, eventually it will cross his mind that you are the one that isn’t interested.
redcurleysue
If a man has taken me out three times I take him out…my treat.
It would not be expensive…perhaps a comedy club and a couple of drinks. Maybe a picnic or lunch at the zoo.
Believe me, a man can always tell I am interested in seeing him again. It is how you act on the date that gives him a good feeling about you and makes him come back for more. If he does not then he was not that interested. No biggie…just dating. Of course, I am not sleeping with these men. The kind of men I attract do not expect fast sex. It is my attitude and the way I carry myself…I have been told that by men over and over.
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