What to say when he asks me out every two weeks


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  • #457637 Reply
    Shaula

    Hello everyone,
    There is a man who I would like something more with. However I have been on 5 dates with him, spread out every two weeks or ten days. He is so distant between this time, that I feel like a low priority, and I know that a guy if he likes me, will want to move things forward. So if he contacts me again wanting to see me, what shall I say in the kindest way possible to let him know I won’t see him because two weeks is too long for me? Thank you

    #457639 Reply
    Angie

    I’m interested to see what other say to this as I’m in a similar situation myself.

    How mich do you like this guy? If you really like him and are curious to se what happen than maybe put a time limit on it. So you could decide if things still aren’t progressing the way you would like by the end of October that you will call it a day. At that point you could send him a message something like this…

    “Hey…(insert name), it;s been greta getting to know you and I’ve had a lot of fun spending time with you, however I get a feeling we’re not on the same page. I’m really looking for a man who wants a relationship and you don’t seem to be that guy, let me know if I have this wrong, otherwise, no hard feelings, I think it’s time for me to move on. Good luck with everything, take care”

    #457640 Reply
    Angie

    He’ll either man up and come after you, or allow you to end things so you can find someone who is truelly into you. It’s a win win situation, because if he walk away, he was never that into you anyway. If you feel you have spent enough time with him and need a definitive answer now then go ahead and send him the message right away. You’d have to be prepared to ket him go at this point though… but to be honest it might be better now, than a another couple of months and several more dates down the line if you think you are only going to like him more and more.

    #457649 Reply
    Serena

    He’s already shown you it isn’t going anywhere. He’s dating around and part of the rotation. About half of what Angie said will do – hey’ve I’ve enjoyed our time together but the space between our dates tells me we want different things. If I’ve got it wrong pls let me know, otherwise I wish you much happiness in life. The less you say to men the better.

    #457650 Reply
    Serena

    you are only part of the rotation

    #457657 Reply
    Andrea

    I was in a similar situation recently…charming guy, promising chemistry, four or five meetings and all initiation from him…he is certainly not a shy type of guy…anyway when I got the feeling that it was going nowhere…with a lot of gaps from him, I simply sent him an email thanking him for all the good times we had but clearly saying that I needed more affection and attention than he was capable of showing me and thats me so we are not meant to be. but I really meant it cause I hate being strung along…it was like when he realised I was not going be on his rotation, he got pretty upset and tried calling, left sweet messages…I thanked him by sms…a week and half ago…no news anymore. But I need more interest than he can show, so it doesnt matter.

    #457658 Reply
    Serena

    If they’re online dating, statistically it’s probably because they are just out of something else and trying to put it behind them. Bad risk for new real relationship.

    #540510 Reply
    J

    Hi,

    I think I need someone to help me see things clearly here.

    I met this guy at work. He was a customer. And I was the one who add him on facebook. He accepted my friend request and send me a message first. Then we started to talk. In the beginning, it was really chill and fun. I didn’t expect anything because I didn’t think anything will come out of this. But he asked me out and we started to hang out. In the beginning, we hang out maybe every week or 2 weeks due to our busy schedules. We got closer and started to take things more seriously. But I tried not to expect anything out of this relationship because he said he has to move away in a couple months. Then I was dumbfounded because I didn’t know why we even got to that point if he was gonna move away. I still haven’t cut him off because I really like him, but I still didnt want to let him go. About month prior into his scheduled move, he told me that he got a job offer here, and that he wouldn’t move anymore. I was really happy at that point. Then he went on a trip out of the country with his family for 2 weeks. During that time, we barely contacted each other. (We text every day up to this point.) when he came back, I thought that we can actually move things along, but what happened was we still meeting once every 2 weeks. In the beginning he said that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. I know I can’t change his mind. But I recently asked him again, and he said he’s really serious about us. But wouldn’t someone who’s serious about a relationship want to spend more time together? Please help, maybe it’s obvious that I should walk away rather than keep giving him the chance to prove himself.

    Thank you.

    #540518 Reply
    Sun

    @J, please make your own post so people can provide feedback in the appropriate topic and thread.

    @Shaula
    Before you send him his pink slip, why the issue? Aren’t you dating other people? as he clearly is doing. I agree with @Angie, @Serene, and @Andrea. Always do what is best for you first.

    #540520 Reply
    Maria

    If you like him, be patient. If this continues for more than 2-3 months, then you can talk to him about it. But do not do it in writing.

    Also try to initiate something by yourself. And make sure it is something fun so that he will be looking forward to seeing you next time.

    #540534 Reply
    Raven

    Just tell him you’ve already got other plans…
    – even if it’s watching cartoons in your pink fuzzy slippers & bathrobe…

    #540539 Reply
    Shannon

    I just went through this. He only contacted me to make plans and that was only about every two weeks because he works two weekends a month. In the meantime, *I* would shoot him a text. Most times he would eventually respond…other times he didn’t. Unanswered texts in a relationship always cause me anxiety; I know it means a low level of interest, but I tried to tell myself he just wasn’t a good texter. Last week he pulled the plug by text and said he started dating someone else. I’m sure he’s about to do the same thing to her, if she lets him get that far.

    A guy like that, who keeps you at arm’s length, has issues and will not allow the relationship to progress. It will never be more than what it is today, right now. Especially if he’s barely contacting you and it’s in the honeymoon stage. I would tell him that you don’t think you’re compatible since you prefer to see and communicate with your partners frequently, and that’s not him.

    #540930 Reply
    Amy

    It’s too soon to assume he’s dating other people or has low interest on your or anything. If you have fun, keep seeing him. Some guys just take time to warm up to a new relationships. If you keep dating him and down the road you’re still seeing him infrequently, then it’s not going anywhere and you should dump him. But for now, have fun and don’t try to figure out what it “means.” You’re just wasting your own time and energy.

    #636158 Reply
    Sean

    I went through this recently. I had a first date with a woman that went very nicely. Then, despite my efforts, she was never available to see me until a month after. She has kids but has every Wed and every other weekend without the kiddos. I went on the second date and it felt really awkward to me, like a first date. Then another two weeks went by with her not seeing me during times when I knew she did not have the kids. I told her via text that I’d like to see someone a bit more than every few weeks-she lives about 3 miles away. Your best bet is to move on. In my view, it doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman. If they can only sporadically see you, then it is either you are part of a large rotation or the interest isn’t there. If someone is really into you, they will make some time. Move on to other prospects that indicate more interest

    #636162 Reply
    Kim

    You don’t need to be honest with him about your reasons. He won’t care anyway, or he would be seeing you more frequently. Just tell him you don’t feel chemistry and end it at that. No one can argue with that explanation.

    #636175 Reply
    Michelle Cohen

    Not too early to know. A man who wants to be your boyfriend acts like it and within 6-10 weeks. This is not escalating. Just say the shorter version. In fact, I would even leave an opening on the “if I’m wrong”. The average couple is committed by 6 dates. If he were seeing you once a week, that is one thing, but every two, nope nope nope.

    #636176 Reply
    Chubbs

    Hey…(insert name), it;s been great getting to know you and I’ve had a lot of fun spending time with you, however I get a feeling we’re not on the same page. I’m really looking for a man who wants a relationship and you don’t seem to be that guy, let me know if I have this wrong, otherwise, no hard feelings, I think it’s time for me to move on. Good luck with everything, take care

    I sent a message to a guy like that once. But I did everything I could to get through to this guy that’s what I wanted and I guess I came off needy or clingy or whatever and he responded with:
    “If I wanted any of your lip I’d unzip my pants.”

    It really hurt my feelings and I just had to walk away. Not that I looked for my value or needed approval from him I just wanted us to be friends and lovers and eventually take it further since I thought maybe we got along so well at first. He showed that all he wanted me for was a sex toy. He didn’t want to be my friend he didn’t want to spend time with me unless it was in a bedroom and we were naked. It was really rude and conceded. He also thought I was fat and constantly told me to go on a hunger strike. I really don’t know why I put up with it. I just wanted the guy I met back. I guess it was all a facade to get into my pants. It did open my eyes pretty wide. Not at the snidey criticism about my appearance (hurtful) but what I am willing to and don’t have to put up with.

    What are you willing to put up with. What would you tell a friend in your situation?

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