Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › What to do after 60 days of no contact?
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 6 years ago by
Bedazzle.
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Sunshine
I was dating a guy for 6 months.. His family & friends LOVED me & thought we were perfect for each other. . There were many games involved during our relationship and he eventually ended it because he decided he was not ready for marriage.. We tried to be friends, but it was too hard for me because I had fallen SO hard for him so I walked away. He was very upset that I decided to take space & some hurtful words were spoken by him to me.. (His ego was bruised because he wanted the benefits of having a relationship with me without the commitment). He is also used to girls falling all over themselves for him. He would occasionally send me a text with a quote he thought I would like… Or send me an invitation to a group event he would be at. It was tough, but I refused to return texts, calls or e-mails for 60 days. I focused on my own life, goals, friendships, etc. after 60 days of no contact, he and I were at a mutusl location. He approached me & looked sad. His voice was tender and he asked me how I was.. I told him ok, and he said he was just ok too.. He told me he missed me & I started to cry & told him I missed him too.. He told me he was not angry with me & apologized if I thought he was. He acted like he wanted to say more but was not sure what to say.. He gave me a half-hug & ran off.. Later he texted me: “it was good to see you today. I am not angry. I miss you.”
What should I do? I would take this guy back in a heartbeat but I need to know this is not a game & that he sincerely wants to make a commitment to me.. Half of me wants to text back that it wa good to see him too & half of me wants to continue to keep my distance..
Lots of advice on the no contact rule, but I don’t know how to navigate getting back with him.. Advice?
alia
If you want him back, it needs to be on your terms. Perhaps you could tell him: “I am looking for a fully committed relationship and I am not willing to be in contact and date you unless we get engaged and married.” And see what happens. The worst thing that can happen, you never hear from him, and you will know he would have never given you what you wanted anyway.
M
If you do have future contact with him, keep it short and happy. No more telling him you miss him or showing your emotions. He hasn’t earned the right to see into your world again. From what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like he is a very good guy. He was mean to you because you set a boundary about not being available for casual hookups, am I understanding that correctly?
I wouldn’t respond. If he contacts you again and wants to see you, then you could say something like, “you know where I stand. I’m looking for a relationship and you’re not, so I feel like it would be best if we keep our distance. But thanks for the invite, it’s nice hearing from you :)”
Free Spirit
Do NOTHING. He knows you and if he wants a commitment, he knows where you are.
Lane
Hi Sunshine.
Obviously he doesn’t miss you enough or he would have put on all the stops to win you over! Those are just WORDS and unless he backs them up with ACTION then you can’t believe them. I’m sure he misses your ‘company’ as he liked you, but if he really missed in the way you want him to then he would have said “I love you and want us to be together as a couple!” Need to pay attention to those WORDS and then make sure he means it by following through.
Raven
Sunshine, you broke up with him for a reason.
If he had changed his mind he would be on your front door with roses & a ring. Sadly, he hasn’t.
If you decide to text him back (please don’t tho) use one of the phrases, that M or Alia gave you to use.
Be strong!
M
What Lane said :) exactly!
Sunshine
I was foolish & texted.. “Yeah, it was good to see you too.. Take care.”
He texted: “have a great evening.”
I used to close our texts with a “you too babe.” After he texted good evening, but instead I left him hanging… I do miss him and I don’t expect a ring, but I do expect a commitment so unless he is willing to offer me that without the games I am pretty much done… My gut is telling me this is an ego-stroke game he is playing.. And not him sincerely kicking himself for losing me.
And yes, he was a jerk during the breakup when I told him I did not want to be “just friends.” To be clear, we are religious so we were never intimate but I am sure he misses my company.. I know he was angry because I have other guy friends who get all the benefits of my company but I refuse to give my ex the same exception.
I took him off Facebook during my “no-contact” period & I have not & will not add him back. Honestly, there is a big ocean out there & I know there are other fish in the sea. Granted, I am not finding those fish right now, but you never know who I might meet..
If he makes a real effort to get back with me I will allow it.. But if I don’t hear anything from him until he run into each other (I know we are going to a mutual event in about a month) I will probably tell him it’s best if we stop all communication.. Even the occasional texts and e-mails.
I hate to admit it, but I dearly love him but at the sane time, I just don’t care anymore..
M
I’m sorry that it hasn’t worked out the way you hoped it would. If he’s not your man, then someone else who will treat you much better and who will be happy to have you as his girlfriend and wife will come along sooner or later.
hugs
fay
so what happend then?
ellen
only dating 6 months and you wanted marriage?
Saki
Three year old post!
Bedazzle
I agree with Ellen. I think your expectation for a commitment for marriage is unreasonable and unrealistic for the stage of where the relationship Is at. Exclusively dating to see where the relationship goes would be appropriate at 6 months.
Maybe a marriage could develop with this guy, but for your sake and his jumping into a marriage/engagement is not beneficial for either one of you. Dating is supposed to be fun, getting to know someone to see if you two are compatible and good spouse material.
I think if you can adjust your expectations of what a commitment looks like at each developmental stage of a relationship, you could have a chance with this guy…or any other. Most men worth keeping would bolt if marriage is brought up too soon. Something to maybe think about.
Bedazzle
Ah, yes. Old post.
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