This topic contains 46 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by K 8 months ago.
June 12, 2017 at 8:47 am #633753
I’ve dated this guy for three months. I recently asked him to hang out, he said he was busy and gave no alternative time to meet. That was about two weeks ago. I sent him another text a few days later asking him how he was, he responded in a friendly way but still didn’t offer to hang out and brought up again that he had a lot going on.
It’s now been 8 days and I haven’t heard from him. I suspect he is trying to fade out and end things but i want to text him one final time. I feel like if I don’t text him again I will just never hear from him again, so I kinda want to just rip off the bandaid and ask him directly, but I don’t know.
So, I can’t decide what to text. Here’s what I’m thinking:
1) “Do you think you’ll feel like hanging out again sometime?”
Basically asking if he wants to ever see me again…..
2) “Are you free Wednesday afternoon?”
Like I just ignore the fade and make plans as usual
3) “It seems like you don’t want to meet up again, but I’d appreciate if you told me directly.”
Just calling out the fade basically
4) “Hi how was your weekend?”
This is what I texted last time and it didn’t get me anywhere haha.
I am leaning towards #3 but I really don’t know what to do. I just hate the silence on his end, honestly I don’t even really want to continue things at this point but I feel like I deserve a little more closure.June 12, 2017 at 8:55 am #633755
Been there Done that
I don’t know I read your options and they made me uncomfortable. Why do you want to show this guy that you are desperate? I am a firm believer in this, Value who values you, show importance to who gives you importance. The options you’ve written are usually sent by guys. They are the ones who ask around about meeting or that are you done with me. You were only seeing him for couple of months and especially three months is the time of decision making. If he hasn’t reached out to you, that means he’s not into you and you can’t change his mind. Anything you say, it would make him laugh at you. I suggest you let him fade out and move on.June 12, 2017 at 8:55 am #633756
It Seems like you don’t want to meet up again. It’s alright. I Just prefer courage and honesty over a silent fade away so I wish you the best.June 12, 2017 at 8:59 am #633757
I don’t know, I resent that asking for a straight answer be seen as ‘desperate.’ I I going no contact is immature.June 12, 2017 at 9:01 am #633758
He has already told you loud and clear through lack of words and action he doesn’t want to see you. I’m sure you will send a message, so it really doesn’t matter which you send. At the end of the day you will feel hurt and foolish.June 12, 2017 at 9:05 am #633759
Why should she care what he thinks ???June 12, 2017 at 9:23 am #633763
I would not text this guy at all. It will be a waste of time. Instead I would be on a dating app and talking and lining up dates with other guys!June 12, 2017 at 9:47 am #633767
Do you guys think #2, asking him to hang out again, is a bad move? I feel like it’s the most casual option, but I don’t know.June 12, 2017 at 9:58 am #633768
No, no, no. He is very clearly doing the fade and if you send that he will be like, “is this woman dense? Can’t she see that I’m trying to shake her? Why won’t she just gracefully let go?”.
Aside from what he thinks, you would really be humiliating yourself because it’s really clear he is trying to get rid of you and has probably moved on to someone else. It will also tell him that you are ok with being ignored for over a week. Are you? Do you want to be in a relationship with a man that has you questioning his intentions and doubting yourself?
What ever it was that you had with him is over. If you send anything, I would take Polie’s suggestion and cal lhim out on his cowardly actions.
I am very sorry this happened to you. He’s not a good guy.June 12, 2017 at 10:19 am #633775
I think, no need to ask if he is free. If he were free, be it emotionally or physically, I’m sure he would have texted you about it during the two week period. Plus, Wednesday afternoon is a pretty specific time frame, so there’s a chance he might not be free and turn that invite down. I wouldn’t send #3 with it phrased as it is…I agree it’d put the other party in an awkward spot…but by the looks of it , it is the more direct and honest option sooooJune 12, 2017 at 11:48 am #633796
I am in a similar situation and have wanted closure as well. I have written and rewritten several texts but haven’t sent them. If you do, let me know how it works out.
I didn’t think this guy was the type to do a fade out but I guess I was wrong. It is so cowardly and hurtful. They do this to us and then don’t expect us to wonder what is going on and panic.June 12, 2017 at 12:33 pm #633814
Catie, dear, he is telling you very clearly that he is not interested anymore, why would you ask him to hang out again? It’s been two weeks, then 8 days, you already contacted him twice and both times he is telling you he is busy and not suggesting to meet. If you really want to send a message, which I suspect you would, send the one Polie wrote. It is better than your option because it is not asking for a reply, it is a statement meant to show him his behaviour is lame and cowardly.
I am sorry for how you feel, it is very lame of him to do this to you after 3 months of dating. But you need to learn how to deal with these type of situations sweetheart without losing your dignity or humiliating yourself. You need to pay attention to what a man tells you. When a guy is not contacting you himself and especially when he says he is busy and not offering to meet again, it has a lot of meaning, it is a very clear message. How can you even think of asking him yet again???
It is ok to send him a text if you want to slam the door in his face but do not imply that you’d still want an answer from him.June 12, 2017 at 12:36 pm #633815
His mind is clear about his feelings for you. He knows exactly how he feels. Do you think he does not know his own mind and you should remind him of your existence? Texting him once again, begging to be noticed, would be a good way to embarrass yourself once again.
Everyone here has commented that if he likes you he will contact you, and you wont be confused and wondering.
The silence is your answer. Accept it and leave the poor guy alone.June 12, 2017 at 1:05 pm #633824
Wow, I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking for a straightforward answer. Even if he’s too immature to reply, I value honesty, so I am going to be direct in asking for what I want (which is an honest answer). I think the “poor guy” should be able to handle that, and if he decided earlier that he wants to never speak to me again, he should have said that rather than sending jokey texts. Also, I suggested asking him to hang out as a way to give him the opportunity to say no in an open, honest way. I don’t think that wanting honesty is needy or too much to expect.June 12, 2017 at 1:08 pm #633827
I think he’s already decided that he never wants to speak to you again…June 12, 2017 at 1:16 pm #633831
I think he is ‘honestly’ blowing you off. You just can’t take the hint and need a slap of words upside the head. Go for it.June 12, 2017 at 1:53 pm #633839
Why would you continue to text someone who ignores you?June 12, 2017 at 2:14 pm #633849
HI Carlie-The fact that he is too cowardly to tell you outright means he is of weak character. The thing is the CLOUSURE is something you can give yourself by stopping giving more of your time and thoughts to this jerk. Any answer you might get you likely won’t be happy with/believe anyhow. MOA and stop arguing with the advice on here-we said to not text-if you want to look foolish and out of control,then go with your plans. You will regret it likely.June 12, 2017 at 4:42 pm #633883
Good God, stop pestering the man. He was clear he’s not interested. None of your options sound cute or honest, just really desperate. He said no in so many words, do you want him to hit you over the head with an anvil to get closure? Leave him alone. This is turning stalkerish.June 12, 2017 at 4:59 pm #633885
There are so many ways to stay in control, your options aren’t the best.
Please learn actions speak Louder than words in many cases.
There is no need to confront the men who short of ghost you right?
Your female energy can be strong inside, nurture that.June 12, 2017 at 5:07 pm #633887
You shouldn’t text him at all. You will only feel worse because it’s a desperate move to reach out multiple times to a man who has clearly shown a lack of interest. Closure is something you get for yourself by making up your mind to move on. Other people can’t give you that. I agree that it’s no fun to be on the end of a guy disappearing with no explanation, but try to have some empathy. In the past, haven’t you ever turned a guy down and had him get nasty and rude and swear at you? I bet this guy has been in that position in the past. Most people have and that’s why they just disappear instead of verbally breaking it off. I agree, it’s still not ok but it’s understandable.June 12, 2017 at 5:20 pm #633890
What is your dating goal? Do you want to have a boyfriend? Then you need to date men, who are interested in you, and not pine for men, who are not interested. Learn to tell the difference. A man, who is interested will call and text you regularly. He will return your texts as soon as possible and he will ask to see you in person and make plans to spend time together. The man in question isn’t doing any of those things so you can safely assume he is not interested in having a relationship with you. It’s his right to deal with it the way he sees fit. It’s nice and honorable for a person to break up with you in person or via phone if they have changed their minds about you, but it’s not always possible and some people don’t have the guts to do it.
They’d rather fade out, like this guy is doing. Oh well, if that’s how he wants to conduct his affairs, it’s not your place to teach him manners. Your response is radio silence.
If on the other hand he starts pestering you after you go silent you need to and absolutely should call out his behavior. But although it’s cowardly, it’s is not a crime to deal with a breakup via ghosting.June 12, 2017 at 5:20 pm #633891
So, I did a variant of #3 and it actually turned in to a really productive discussion of what we’re both looking for, so I’m very glad I did message him actually, I feel much better.June 12, 2017 at 5:24 pm #633894
I do not think you should text him at all as he seems to be fading out and the only real chance of this turning around is if he changes his mind and pursues
u rather than you pursue him.
That said, if you are unable to let this go without a text, consider sending “I see you haven’t contacted me in some time. I’ll take that as a sign and wish you the best.”June 12, 2017 at 5:25 pm #633895
I’ve been in your place and sent the message. I look back on it and regret sending it because the guy didn’t respond.
Why give more energy and attention to someone who is showing you that they aren’t interested in growing the relationship?
I understand how frustrating this can be.
When the right guy comes along it won’t be like this. Anytime I feel a guy is fading I let him go and move on to the next.