Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › What should I do
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years, 2 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Annie
Alright guys I might sound crazy, bear with me: So three years ago I briefly dated a really great guy. We were never really in an official relationship, but we acted as such and all of our friends referred to me as his girlfriend, and he knew/didn’t mind.
Anyway, when we decided to end our situationship because he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. I was pretty disappointed, but we stayed “friends.” We would go through periods of no talking and then we would go through periods where we talked pretty often and it’s been back and forth since then. Eventually, I did move on and begin dating other people and have been in two other relationships in the three-year time span. (He, however, hasn’t dated anyone since me)
When he finds out I’m seeing someone, the conversation completely stops, but the moment he finds out I’m single again, he is back to communicating ever so often. Anyway, a week ago I texted him and mentioned that we should catch up sometime and he agreed but when it came time to set a day/time he went MIA. I saw him tonight (our families are pretty good friends and we were at a birthday party for his aunt who is very pro us getting back together) and the first thing he said to me was “sorry I never got back to you. I’m so busy, but I do want to hang out, I just don’t know when.” I said “oh it’s fine” and began to move on but he stopped me and again said “no, but I’m really down to hangout. I wasn’t ignoring you” and I said it was fine again, brushing it off and just telling him to let me know. Later on in the night, I referenced my mom sending some food for him from a previous get-together between our families a few months ago which he used to briefly bring up our past situationship..I quickly changed the subject and moved on but I could feel our families watching our interactions (and when I looked at them they were definitely watching and smiling).. He ended up leaving early and didn’t say goodbye to anyone but his family AND me.. I’m not sure if I’m just reading into things or if maybe something is going on in his head. I think he is great and would be willing to give it another shot, but I can’t tell how he feels. What do you think?Raven
He is full of sh!t.
cupcake
I don’t see how he is at all interested in getting back together or even hanging out. And no your families being all for it isn’t gonna change that. He wasn’t interested in a relationship the first time and he isn’t interested in one now. Move on
Zoe
He told you he is not interested in dating you
Why are you still entertaining his BSElvira
Hi Annie it appears for 3 years you and this guy have had nothing but interactions when the time is convenient. Its a good thing you are dating and not waiting for this guy but I am curious as to why you keep entertaining him? He didn’t want a relationship and still isn’t asking for one so why keep holding on for that to change? Regardless of your families desire to get together, the person that should be making the effort is him and he is not. I suggest you stop communicating with him for some time not even as friends (since its obvious you like him more than a friend). Get your mindset in the right place that in order to move on you need to move away from the same pattern you have had with him for the past 3 years. Maybe at one point he realize it or maybe he wont. The important thing is you don’t ruin your chances of meeting someone who is the right one, because your holding on to this one guy.
Newbie
Maybe you are in a funk and therefore suddenly see this guy as an option again. But there was not even a relationship before. Like you said it was a situationship. And he is still not worth any thought of yours despite what any aunty says. In fact i consider the close family ties as a big downside of dating this guy if he was interested.
Liz Lemon
Totally agree with what all the others have said. And yes I totally agree with Newbie’s point that having such close family ties is actually a huge negative in dating. Date outside your family circle, date people who won’t show up at your aunt’s birthday party a couple years from now after you’ve broken up. If you have any problems or issues in the relationship, then the whole family is involved. A close friend of mine married a person whose parents were good friends with her parents, and when they got divorced it was a nightmare, a total sh!tshow. The whole family was involved. In fact they now hate each other and their parents are still friendly so the whole thing is just extremely awkward and I feel like it actually hindered my friend from moving on for a bit, because their ex was constantly around, or their parents were talking to each other, etc.
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