What is the best way to handle this with dignity and class?

I totally get the OP’s situation.

In my personal/professional life I am direct and take charge, and I had to learn in my dating life to chill the eff out and just let the man lead. And to not care when he doesn’t. It’s a hard balance to strike and took a TON of practice. I think that the OP was just asking for some language to use as an exit strategy now that she knows he is not in it for the same reason she is.

It becomes complicated when we get excited, go on a date, the person acts totally into us, then disappears or stands us up or whatever, so we go in a different direction only for them to come back, but then not come back to match the purpose we have (that they are well aware of), but just for their own sh!ts and giggles. Dating is CONFUSING now more than ever and I think if we tried to empower women to walk more and sooner that would be helpful. Blaming her is not helpful. Accusing her of feelings we could have no possible way of knowing she has is not helpful. Paint a picture that shows her as empowered, not a picture that shows her as pathetic or whatever you think she is.

It’s so interesting to watch how people interpret information.

The girl kept insisting that she didn’t care about this guy nor did she really want a relationship. Yet she went on and on and on about him. If you don’t care, you don’t do that so it was the lady protests too much. Some people here can be a bit snarky in their delivery, that is true. But they have good points.

Georgia it really isn’t that hard and it doesn’t take a ton of practice. Why make ANYTHING that painful and difficult? It’s only that way as long as you keep buying that story. Empowering someone is showing them that they can make a different choice in a nanosecond and stop hurting. What’s hurting you is NOT the situation, it’s the way you are interpreting it. That can change in the blink of an eye, unless you believe you are getting something you think is more valuable by staying in the victims mode.

I’m going to say it again – any situation is totally neutral. You are creating stress or upset by your interpretation of it. Someone’s behavior is about them not you. Someone mentioned Byron Katie. When you do her enquiry process you an shift thing that are bothering you in a few minutes.

Insisting that the OP was bullied is not empowering. You are only bullied if you accept being bullied. No one bullies me; I don’t accept that treatment or that one-down role.

Katie Bryon theory is this: people create misery for themselves by insisting things should be a certain way-rather then that they just are and changing/shifting our attitude can help us accept the thing and even see the lesson to be learned from it. The author had gone through terrible stress (her daughter was a drug addict)and she learned to question her belief that her daughter should be anything other than it was apparent she was-an addict etc.