What do I do after no contact period?


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  • #389679 Reply
    Danielle

    It’s near the end of my no contact period with my ex. I’m feeling really good and clear headed. It’s been almost 30 days NC. I broke up with him so I’m wondering if I should be the one to send a text or wait for him? I’m not even sure he even wants to hear from me.

    #389684 Reply
    Danielle

    Also, I told him not to contact. So he knows I was doing NC on him. Does that negate the effects of NC on him if he knew what I was doing?

    #389689 Reply
    Vanessa

    If he’s your ex, why are you wanting to contact him? Did y’all agree on giving each other space of 30 days and then talk about your relationship? If not, continue the no contact and move on. Seems like you still want him back?

    #389693 Reply
    Danielle

    Yes I do still have feelings. And we didn’t agree to anything. I just told him not to talk to me for awhile.

    #389694 Reply
    Danielle

    And I didn’t really WANT to end it. I had to. He wasnt really committing.

    #389696 Reply
    Vanessa

    Then what will change in 30 days? He’ll see you as a woman that doesn’t stick to her guns. If he’s ready to commit to you and misses you and ready to step up, he’ll contact you. Nothing will stop him.

    #389697 Reply
    Ivy

    Danielle, If you ended it because he wasn’t committing and he didn’t hunt you down and blow up your phone and show up with a dozen roses. Or in the very least he didn’t even wish you a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year, then that man is not going to commit to you, most likely. That is my thought process. However, if you want to reach out to him what will you say, I still have feelings for you, do you want to commit to me? Well, you could say that cause you have nothing to lose as he is your ex, but I am pretty sure that you will face the same problem. If he wanted to commit to you then he would.

    #389699 Reply
    Lane

    Hi Danielle.

    How did you expect this to work? Its emotional manipulation and it will backfire every time. Why? Because when you resort to tactics such as this to try and get someone to do something against their will, or something they aren’t ready for, then it doesn’t work.

    Would you rather have a guy commit to you because he WANTS TO of his own free will, or a guy who feels forced to commit because you made him do it? Which strategy do you believe would work the best and last the longest?

    #389700 Reply
    Ashley

    resist the temptation to text him first. wait for him to do it. make him do the work. it will work better that way. if you do it first, he will “know he has you” so to speak and things will be in his terms & he will just act the same way he did before. keep your power & make him work for it :)

    #389701 Reply
    Ann

    If he wanted you, he would have stepped up. Move on sweetie…..it’s tough, but ultimatums don’t work, even if they seem to in the short run.

    #389778 Reply
    Danielle

    Okay so a guy will pursue no matter what? Even if I left him? I won’t text him then. He did text me a few times after I ended it. But nothing beyond that.

    #389780 Reply
    Lane

    No Danielle, a man will NOT pursuit not matter what. If you leave him and he doesn’t commit, then he’s not going to pursuit. Texting is not pursuing, because anyone can send a text with very minimal effort. Pursuing is when they take you out, dotes on you, and then starts entwining you in his life plan by talking and then planning a future together.

    You can’t force a man to do this unless he’s: 1) ready to commit to such a venture; and 2) you are the only woman in the world he can envision doing it with.

    Hope this helps.

    #389797 Reply
    Danielle

    So he just didn’t really care for me?

    #389809 Reply
    Phoenix

    Maybe he did, but clearly not in an ‘I love you and you are my future wife’-way. You try clutching at straws. This is not healthy. You broke up, own your decision and move on for your benefit.

    #389826 Reply
    Sassperilla

    Danielle, I sympathise because my situation is similar. However a month on from the last contact I am now over it to be honest. IF he got in touch now, which I don’t expect him to do, I wouldn’t be interested and I would have nothing to say to him.

    Mine was the same, he “forced” me into dumping him because he was non-committal and it was going nowhere. I was very upset it didn’t work out, but I’ve used the last month to remind myself why it ended, and that if he had wanted it to work he’d have done all the necessary things to make it so. Why would I want someone back who wasn’t that fussed about me?

    Yes it hurts to be “rejected” as you might see it, but actually it’s his loss and your opportunity. I’ve been on two dates with different guys, been on holiday, cleared my head, realised what the good things are in my life, lost weight, and I feel better.

    I want someone who will treat me right, and it’s not my ex. It’s someone else out there, and he’s given me the gift of the chance to find that person. If I was still flogging that old dead horse I wouldn’t have the chance to meet someone new.

    Don’t text him. Spend another 30 days building on the work you’ve already done to clear your head and feel better.

    That door has closed so that a new, better one can open.

    #390086 Reply
    STefanie

    GREAT post Sass.

    #392311 Reply
    kateng

    Hi Danielle!
    I hope you doing better…I was in the same situation with you. I think we talked about it in the other thread. I broke up with him, but then i texted said i missed him. And we reconnected again, except I was busy and couldn’t meet him for one month. We just text back and forth. Last tuesday, I met him after my big exam is done, we got a date and he still showed me that he’s not committed in any way. He also showed me some silly pictures he sent to his ex. I got very upset…I told him that’s unacceptable. He also said something that offended me during that date. I got home, processed the whole relationship and i decided I deserved more. I realized he used me for the whole time (I’m resembled his ex but way prettier), I got strong and told him i wanted to end this. So i did it, i walked away again. He texted apologized and all that but I ignored…I did it with my friends and coworkers support.
    He doesn’t want anything more after few months, there’s no way he will change his mind. Please do yourselves a favor and stop contacting him. Don’t hold on hope of getting back….Get out there, do yoga, it helps tremendously…Stop that idea of you guys getting back. Let him go in your head…it’s all in your head. My head is clear now and I hope you will too.
    If you contact him now, he’ll know that he got you, and he doesn’t have to do anything again. And you will left with a crushed pride. Be strong, we can do this.
    If you’re in NYC, I’d like to meet you. We can have our girl’s night.
    Btw, i know he still lead his ex on, after three years and she can’t get over him because she kept in contact with him whenever he texts. She hooked up with him when he wanted to (before he met me). I don’t want to be in the same shoes with her…you don’t waste your precious years for some assholes, get out there and kick some asses hehe.

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