We texted every single day, all day long. Now less often. What's his deal?


Home Forums Texting Advice We texted every single day, all day long. Now less often. What's his deal?

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  • #494301 Reply
    jassyraider

    Brief background: I’ve known this guy for a little over two months now. We’re both in college. We started off getting to know each other for a couple weeks via text (busy with classes and work). We have a lot in common and we already have inside jokes and pet names. We’ve only hung out a total of 3 times. We had sex the third time since we already established we found each other attractive.

    The winter break started a couple weeks ago and that means we aren’t able to see each other (we live in different towns). We texted every single day. He would text me saying “good morning” and “good night.” We’d talk all day long about random things, and sometimes we would flirt or sext. He went on vacay and told me he’d be bringing me back a gift. He messaged me xmas day and New Years. He had random ideas for what we could do for when we get back to college, but…

    For the past two weeks we haven’t been texting as often as we used to. We’ll go a whole day without texting. Sometimes more. He used to text me while he was at work, but now he doesn’t. He texts me at the end of the day for about an hour and then he’ll go to sleep. The flirting hasn’t been like it used to either. Of course we’re super friendly with each other, but our conversations were more enthusiastic, now they’re not.

    I’m just worried he’s losing interest because we aren’t able to see each other over break We don’t have a “real” relationship, but I’m not sure if he’s seeing some other girl or just busy. He still likes my insta pics and looks at my snaps, but we used talk from morning until midnight, and now its occasional bursts of text conversations that aren’t as interesting. I just want to make this last so I can see him when we get back from break.

    So what’s the deal with him?

    #494366 Reply
    Options2

    This is normal – nothing wrong with you.

    You should learn to be wise and not text all day.

    Couple texts a day is plenty if he is your boyfriend.

    Drop the text thought and have fun while he still dates you. If you wonder , complain and demand – he may drop you.

    Be realistic and have fun with him.

    #494367 Reply
    Options2

    Sorry – nothing wrong with him instead

    #494370 Reply
    Mierin

    Guys do not put ANY STOCK in texting at all. To them, it is a tedious, wholly unnecessary move. Like what Eric, co-founder of ANM says: IT. IS. NOT. SUSTAINABLE. LONG. TERM.

    I’ve sort of learned- when they text, it is a bonus we get at the end of the month/year- the lovely cream on the cake, not the cake itself.

    You can search the ANM website: they have a couple awesome articles about texting and men/women’s perspectives on it:

    “When a guy doesn’t text back”
    “He hasn’t texted me for days, what did I do?”

    #494371 Reply
    Mierin

    We texted every single day. He would text me saying “good morning” and “good night.” We’d talk all day long about random things.

    ^ this is definitely not sustainable long term. Guys usually text that much when they’re in the getting to know you phase. After that, they realise they need to settle back into their normal routine.

    #494375 Reply
    Amy S

    OOft I cannot think of anything worse than relentless texting. Is that really how you want to spend your days ? lol. It means nothing to a guy and in reality who would want to spend their precious time texting. Be glad its not like this any more. Live your life and let things unfold without worrying. x

    #494409 Reply
    k

    When I first started talking to the guy Im seeing we would send the cute random messages during the day and then text a whole bunch at night and it was good. It is a way to show that your interested but after so long it just can’t be that way, and while you might think it means he not interested that might not be the case. If you texted a bunch then you got to know him, you like him, now is the action part. Your not going to have a relationship with your phone but with him.
    The articles on here about texting are so worth reading. Don’t put so much thought into what texting means, don’t get upset if he doesn’t respond, and don’t sit with your phone in your hand. You will drive yourself crazy. Go by his actions.

    #494413 Reply
    Khadija

    jassyraider,
    Texting is not a true measurement of a mans interest in you.
    I understanding in this day and age that’s the major form of communication but, it’s not important.
    What really counts is the time you spend bonding with each other.
    At first some guys will text all day everyday but, honestly who can really keep that up all the time?
    In going forward don’t put some much stock into texting and stop spending hours doing so.
    I feel it lessens some guys making an effort to see you if at a touch of a button they have access to you at all times.

    #494564 Reply
    jassyraider

    Thanks for the replies and advice everyone!!

    #503950 Reply
    jess

    what if he’s slowly decreased texting and isn’t initiating any plans (no action). grounds to drop him, think that he isn’t interested? or is this giving the vibe that i’m not interested?

    #503957 Reply
    redcurleysue

    A man leads. How he is leading, mirror and see what you feel.

    That is how he feels.

    #503967 Reply
    jess

    Has any of you ladies initiated a text to a guy who is doing a fade away ? I get a slight feeling that he thinks I’m not interested as well and don’t want this to be a case of it fizzing out bc no one made a move and we’re both too scared to do so…

    #503969 Reply
    Andrea

    How long has it been since you had a “good” conversation? If it’s a couple of days or weeks, I’d wait for him to start texting. Guys hate it when women message when he’s clearly being unresponsive. It comes off as needy.

    #503970 Reply
    Lynn

    Jess, the mirror-ing during early stage is the best.

    However, if you have reasons to believe that you might have shown zero or not enough interest, you could initiate once and be flirty about it. But don’t overdo it.

    #503981 Reply
    jess

    i’d say it’s been about a week since i’ve had a good conversation. i just backed off, thinking he was not into it. gave him his space to do whatever. no initiating texts or plans so i just left it alone, but don’t know if it’s completely needy to text something playful or fun. i tend to stay away from that stuff and let the guy come to me, but i get a slight feeling and wanted to see what you ladies thought.

    #503990 Reply
    Amy

    Jess,

    In response to the question in the title of your original post, he is texting less than he used to because that pace is not sustainable. You should be thankful he backed off. Do you really have time to be constantly interrupted to non-stop texts all day long?

    With regard to your follow-up questions, if he is pulling away it’s because of something in his life that has nothing to do with you (such as job stress or family problems), or he is losing interest. You will not know which one explains his behavior and it’s a waste of time to try to figure it out. In both cases, leave him alone. Do NOT text him. If he likes you, you will hear from him at some point. What you don’t want to happen is that you reach out to him when something is going on in his life and become an irritant to him at a difficult time. As for your question, what if nothing happens because neither of us made a move-he is the man. It is HIS responsibility to initiate and lead. If he is too lazy or “shy” to make a move, he is not a real adult. A grown man will not let shyness or anything like that stop him from pursuing a women.

    I could be wrong, but you sound insecure. There are some excellent articles on this site about building your confidence. You should read them. Dating will be much more stressful than it needs to be and you will have less success if you are not truly confident in yourself. Good luck!

    #504005 Reply
    Maria

    If you feel he might have a feeling you are not interested, then text him something funny, some link to a funny video clip or something like that. And say “where have you been handsome? haven’t heard from you in a while..”.

    There is nothing wrong in asking the guy directly, in a non demanding manner, especially if things changed noticeably and within a short period of time. But next time, you should be the one to back up from incessant texting. I find that younger guys like to text a lot, but they also like to reply whenever they are pleased, and this is not ok with me. So I usually say something like that “sorry I didn’t get back to your earlier, I saw a few texts from you, I am not ignoring you, I had to do this and that and wanted to reply properly when I am free”. This way a person does not feel offended that you are ignoring them but they also get an understanding that texting all the time is not what you want.

    You don’t always have to mirror them, because if they ignore you and you ignore them, then there will be nothing to mirror very soon. You do need to let them understand that ignoring is no ok. And the best way to do that is via your own actions and your own communication style, if you are open, polite and respectful of the guy, a decent guy (or gal for that matter) would reciprocate in kind and you won’t have to wonder later why this or that.

    #504048 Reply
    jess

    Great, thanks ladies for your input. I’ll go for it and send him a text and see if he responds. If he does, aweosme . And if he doesn’t then that’s cool as well. It’ll at least help me to stop wondering why this or that. Just gotta do what works for me

    #516523 Reply
    Freshy

    **HELP**

    I’ve been reading through this thread, and its made a few things clearer for my situation, so thank you very much ladies :)

    So a little bit about my situation, i met him (Norman) online about 4-months ago (I know it’s a long time and we haven’t met in person yet, but he lives quite far. I actually hinted while i was in his City over Xmas, but he either didn’t get the hint, or thought it was too soon then)

    So we started off talking loads over text, everyday and late into the night (He was on annual leave from work then too, so that explains him having a lot of time on his hands then) then it got a little less the less again, now its just now and again.

    As it got less and less, i thought he wasn’t interested, but now I’m getting mixed signals, cause he still pops in with random comments to my snap story, with a lot of banter and he can flirt a little now and again too, we take the mick out of each other a lot (whenever we do talk).

    So after about 2 weeks of no proper conversation, he remembered my birthday (I was convinced that he’s just popped it in his phone when we first talked about birthdays which was about 3-months before that, until one of my male friends (Owen) said that no guy remembers the birthday of someone who is not their immediate family or group of friends) Is that true??

    After talking to Owen about his random comments, his bit of flirting, remembering my birthday, not talking constantly but not quite letting go either……Owen thinks he likes me but is a bit of a chicken, or finds it difficult to talk to women.

    When we first started talking, we both said what we were after and that we weren’t looking to rush into anything, should i drop him a text and just say that i like him, and see what happens or do you think that’ll freak him out a bit (Cause it has been 4-months now, he was little cheesy when we started texting, so i didn’t think I’d like him, but i do)

    Should i tell him?

    Really appreciate your advice ladies, Thank you!

    #516595 Reply
    Raven

    So Freshy…
    What do you hope to accomplish with a guy who lives far away & who is random in his texting…?

    #516666 Reply
    Teri

    just reading your title made me tired………….whoa, slow down partna :)

    I’d be relieved if his texting slowed down after all of that. Who can humanly keep up? think about it. get a life already? is there nothing else your fingers can do?

    agreeing with other posters, there is a lot of articles on texting in this forum from Eric. they make sense and would make a good read if you care to. Bottom line is the initial stages like up to 2 months I think is where you get a lot of texting in but it really is irrelevant as a way to measure the friendship/relationship per se. Personally if I”m on break with family I don’t check in with my guy that often either, am too busy having fun. I may call later in the evening when things die down or early morning b4 things begin but def not all day, everyday.

    #516670 Reply
    Raven

    Texting all day ?!

    Do you not have a job or a life…

    #516683 Reply
    A.

    It’s normal. No one has time to text that much and quite frankly, it’s a red flag when a guy wants to do that. It tells you he’s desperate and/or has nothing better to do ’cause men who have it going on don’t have time for that nonsense. I would only respond when he texts you first and let him set the pace for how frequently he wants to communicate. Rest assured, this is totally normal and you should be relaxed and glad he’s a “normal” guy not a needy mess who wants to be glued to you 24/7!

    #522477 Reply
    ChocolateBrownies

    I couldn’t find a category to pop this into…But this kinda fitted a little

    But i need help, we were talking a lot, we’ve been talking on and off for a while over text, just last week was a talking a lot week, and then he told me about his Dad being quite ill, then the next day he told me his Dad died of Cancer.

    I lost my mum just 9-months ago, so i know the feelings hes going through right now, but hes completely stopped talking at all, he’ll read my messages and then never reply its been a week, i just want him to talk about his Dad, cause i know that will help, cause if i didn’t have my friends and sisters that got me to talk about mum and about the fun times and even laugh about some of the stuff my mum used to do i wouldn’t have been so strong enough to talk about her freely and openly.

    I just want to be that rock for him that i was lucky to have had, when i went through all this!

    About a month ago while we were texting he was asking about my mum, and apologized for bringing her up, but i was like ‘No, she is not a faded memory for us, we talk about her as though we is with us everyday’ i think he was asking at the time to get some help without saying anything on how to cope with saying goodbye, i just hope me talking about mum and laughing about the funny things she used to say helped him to get through it.

    I don’t want to bug him either, so i only text him after a few days to make sure hes OK, even if he doesn’t answer, but so he knows he can call me to talk about anything!

    Am i doing it right, am i bugging him too much do you think?

    I hope hes OK.

    #522480 Reply
    redcurleysue

    Every two to three days I would short text him – something like “Thinking of you today”

    Or, “You know I am here for you.”

    I would do that without response for about three weeks….and then I would stop.

    If you hear nothing it is time to drop communication until he opens it up on his end.

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