we don't see each other enough, please advise


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  • #482210 Reply
    Ella

    Hi ladies,

    I met this guy online 5 weeks ago and we talk pretty much every day. The first week we met 3 times, he kept making new dates right after the one we were on. After 2 weeks we slept together, and then he only came by another 2 times. After I didn’t text for 2 days he asked me what was wrong and I told him that this isn’t working for me, we can’t just see each other once every 1-2 weeks and at my place. I want to date. He agreed and apologised for being busy, said he cared a lot about me and that I was a wonderful person. We met the next day (even though he was at work until late), went for a drink and then he spent the night (a gentleman, he didnt make a move, was really sweet). He’s been away on business so it’s almost 2 weeks since we last saw each other. He’s coming back today but he said he wants to meet on Saturday. I have a feeling that he doesn’t miss me. We have a great time together, am I missing something?

    #482216 Reply
    V

    This was moving at a fast pace and usually when things start this fast, they will end just as quickly. You were way too available in the beginning. 3 dates in 1 week? There was no mystery and he really didn’t have to do much to sleep with you.

    Start becoming less available to him. He says he wants to see you on Saturday. Tell him you’re not going to be available. Tell him you’ll be available next Wednesday (or a day you’re actually available) at a specific time and you can meet at a public place. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT go back to his place or have him come back to yours. Enjoy the date at that location and go back home. Don’t see him again for at least another week. and keep doing that until you know for sure what he’s intentions are and THEN, sleep with him again.

    Also, be prepared that this may not go as you planned. And if it doesn’t , it’s not the end of the world and that just frees you up to date someone who wants the same things you want. Just try not to be so available to men in the beginning. They WILL take advantage and they will place you in the Plan B category. You’re too good for that.

    Good luck.

    #482217 Reply
    Lekisha

    What did you say when he said he wanted to see you this Saturday?

    Did you say yes, or what time/where etc… ?

    #482218 Reply
    Ella

    We had planned to go out this Saturday a while ago, there is an event I really wanted to attend and he said we’d go. Should I still cancel? I already said yes because I thought it was fixed.

    #482231 Reply
    funny

    I feel like you are being needy when you only just met like a month ago!
    Canceling the Saturday date for an event you’ve wanted to go to seems like a game playing so you should just go and enjoy it.
    But seeing each other more than 2 times a week in the early stages is too much imo.
    Once a week is good.

    #482238 Reply
    Ella

    Thank you all for your input, I appreciate it.

    There is something I don’t understand though…the beginning of a relationship is the phase where u can’t get enough of each other. My male best friend told me to not talk to the guy again, he’s making no effort and isn’t worth it. I really like him though and don’t wanna dismiss something so soon.

    #482239 Reply
    AnnaB

    I think you should go on the date as it would be rude not to. However, you were spoilt really when you got so many dates in the first week and have come to have high expectations as a result. I would say step back somewhat from these expectations and be pleasant and lighthearted when you see him on Saturday as otherwise, you could easily scare him off!

    #482247 Reply
    AnnaB

    In the beginning, it can be intense but if someone is busy, as this man has been with working away, then there is nothing one can do other than work around their schedule. It is very early in your relationship and to dismiss him so easily might be a mistake. I have been in a relationship for more than a year now, he is a very busy man, and I have had to discipline myself to curb my expectations…

    #482251 Reply
    venus350

    Hi Ella,
    A five week relationship may sound like a long time, but really it is not. I am not being critical, but why did you sleep with him so soon? Do you think that might be your motivation for wanting to be with him more than you currently do? Sorry to inform you, you are starting to appear to be NEEDY. Neediness is like Kryptonite to guys. So if you want this guy to run screaming into the night, continue listen to those negative thoughts in your head. If not, slow down and enjoy his company whenever you two get together. Make sure it is a fun experience for him (not necessarily sexual) and he will want to spend time with you.

    #482278 Reply
    Khadija

    Hello Ella,
    You have only been dating this man for 5 weeks and you are asking for more time.
    He is not your boyfriend he is simply a man you are getting to know at this point.
    From what I gather I think you may be feeling a little insecure since you slept with him so early on. Which happens often and then the woman ends up worrying if that’s all the guy is around for or that he may have lost interest in dating her.

    From here on out I’d suggest having dates that have activities involved and stay out of his place and yours. Take your time to get to know him. At this point the sex has already happened so no need to keep worrying about it. Just own it and try not to focus on that anymore.

    If he wants to date you, he’ll keep asking you out and staying in contact. On the other hand if he’s just here for sex trust me that will show as well.

    #482289 Reply
    Options2

    Unless you want to get married in the next two years. There is little reason you need to see him more than once a week for a few months. Your time waiting on him implies you have nothing going on for yourself – not attractive.

    #482310 Reply
    101dalmations

    got to learn to pace yourself at a very early stage. As exciting and new as this is, I agree with the posters who say to slow yourself down.

    AnnaB – your last sentence strikes me as I’m in the same boat. for almost 2yrs and am still learning to curb my expectations. I met him a buzy entrepreneur and he made no bones about his lack of time as did I as a single mom. Both our schedules are tight but overtime we’ve come to accept and respect this aspect. Its hard, I’ll admit but also helps to have other outlets and not fuss about not spending enuf time. Whats more important is quality time by far.

    #482328 Reply
    AnnaB

    I agree 101..it can certainly be difficult at times but like you, I’ve learned to appreciate our time together. Quality not quantity!

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