Trying to bed?


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This topic contains 27 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  pi 1 month ago.

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  • #634936 Reply

    pi

    So I started to this guy online. He is a decent guy. We discussed a few things that seem important to me to get to know if someone is relationship material or rather someone worth going on a date with. He seemed fine until today. I am home for a month so in a different state. He expressed a desire to come and meet me here as one month is a long time. I asked him to wait till I am back in my state. Secondly, today he asked me what turns me on, which position I enjoy and what my figure is. I felt a little uncomfortable with these kind of questions. Is it normal for guys to ask such things or he is after s*x? I am 22 and he is 27.

    #634937 Reply

    pi

    i started talking to this guy I met online*

    #634939 Reply

    Raven

    You’ve not met him yet?
    This isn’t ok–

    #634940 Reply

    peggy

    Hi-That would totally turn me off and I would stop all contact.

    #634944 Reply

    pi

    I told him I don’t like these sexual questions of his considering we haven’t even met yet. He said sorry and that he was just trying to know me but he won’t ask till I am comfortable. Should I still give him a chance?

    #634945 Reply

    L

    No! He isn’t a nice guy. He’s only after sex.

    #634947 Reply

    pi

    Isn’t it too early to judge that?

    #634950 Reply

    L

    I don’t even think you should be allowed to use the internet to talk to strange men until your brain fully develops. A 22 year old is saying that a man asking about sex positions is a great guy and just getting to know her? Smh

    #634954 Reply

    Amanda

    The odds that this guy wants more than sex are very low. If you want a reltionship YOU need to be upfront about it at the beginning. You need to ask him straightforwardly if he is looking for a serious committed reltionship. IF he says, “let’s just see how it goes” he isn’t worth your time. So you can give him one more chance if you ask him that and he says he wants a serious committed reltionship (assuming you want one). Any other wrong moves (which he will probably make, because he is probably just after sex) be prepared to dump him.

    #634959 Reply

    pi

    I asked him that and he said he was looking for a serious committed relationship.

    #634961 Reply

    Kayla

    Why do you want to waste a month chatting no with a stranger. If he wants to come meet, let him. At least you can find out if you even like each other. All the talking online is a waste of time. You could meet in person and not even be attracted to each other. That’s part of the reason he is asking what your body looks like. The sexual position question is obnoxious.

    #634962 Reply

    Raven

    He can say anything…

    How many other girls is talking to & asking about their sex positions?

    #634966 Reply

    pi

    I don’t think he is talking to anyone because he himself asked me if we could delete the accounts so that we could concentrate more on each other. I however ignored the question.

    Actually I am not free to meet for a month that’s why I am not meeting him.

    By our conversations we connected a little that’s why we both are ready to wait to meet each other.

    #635029 Reply

    Hannah

    I’ve never known a guy talk about sex like that with someone they’re serious with. If they’re serious, they want to impress you and treat you with respect.

    You don’t know this man. There’s a very high chance he is saying this kind of stuff to other women too.

    Just because he says he wants a committed relationship doesn’t mean he’s being honest.

    You can give him a try and see but I wouldn’t take him seriously or get too attached until he proves himself not to be the player it sounds like him might be.

    #635050 Reply

    Jose

    I adgree with Hannah. I mean he sounds kinda childish too… like what kind of 27 year asks for sex-postions with someone they havent even met? Tbh it just seems like he is after a hookup with a young female. As Hannah said, you can meet him, but dont expect anything too big, because he doesnt seem like he want anything too serious.

    #635054 Reply

    pi

    Alright I will keep that in mind.

    #635067 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee. This man is after sex sex sex. If you meet with him expect high pressure on sex.

    Do not meet him, you will be sorry.

    #635285 Reply

    pi

    why cant people be honest about anything? I asked him upfront about what he wanted, and he said he was not a casual kind of person. But I guess you people are right. He acts too cheesy on calls and told me twice that he wil call me but he did not call.

    #635330 Reply

    Phillygirl

    You are legally an adult. Did no one teach you growing up that words mean nothing until they are backed by actions and trust has to be earned?

    This man is a total stranger. There are lots of creeps online (plenty IRL) but people can pretend to be anyone on the internet.

    It is YOUR job to screen people and carefully watch who they reveal themselves to be, before you give them your trust.

    There are men who will say anything to get sex. Have you never heard of a ” wolf in sheeps clothing”.

    Yes, there are good men too, but you had better learn how to tell the difference and how to detach, observe, and vet the relationship material guys from the casual “just looking for sex” guys.

    Yes, there are people in this world who lie, cheat and manipulate people to get what they want. Someone who is looking for a relationship doesn’t lead with sex talk with a person they’ve never met.

    You seem incredibly naive and are much too trusting of someone you don’t even know and never met. Chatting online means nothing. Women bond through conversations, men DO NOT. That is why women fall for BS. You build up a false sense of intimacy and think you have a com when there isn’t.
    If you can’t meet a man within a week or two (most) after meeting online) move on and do not waste your time. Some men are already married/in a relationship and just looking to hookup. You have a lot to learn or you could seriously endanger not only your heart, but your physical safety.

    You are your first,second and third line of defense. While it’s sad that so many people are not upfront about what they really want, that is the reality. Men without scruples know they can say a few sweet things and many girls will jump into bed with them.

    It does not mean all (or even most)men are bad. But you better learn how to tell the difference. Until you learn to date smarter you should probably not be talking to men online.

    You believe someone when their actions match their words and they prove they have integrity…not sight unseen.

    So glad my parents taught me how to take care of myself because so many women are clueless and it’s SCARY.

    #635333 Reply

    Phillygirl

    Correction *think you have a connection*

    #635336 Reply

    pi

    Actually I come from a culture where dating is tabboo. I am not attached to him and I don’t get attached to people so fast. I just got a bit doubtful as I am just out a break up. Thank you so for your reply Philly girl, I really appreciate it.

    #635348 Reply

    Emma

    It is not too early to judge a person who talks sexual details like that to a woman he never met. Would you ask a stranger private details like that? It is simply low low style, for lack of a better word. Use your common sense and standard social norms.

    Now a side comment..Men don’t bond through conversations, men don’t bond through sex. Then what do they bond through? Activities? But what activities are done in silence?

    I think men bond through everything we bond but in different ways, and in different ways with different women. Just like we do. I can bond with one guy through conversations because he is smart and intelligent and because we have some emotional compatibility. With another person it might not work out the same way.

    The point being is no matter what you do and how you interact, do not throw away your common sense and basic social norms. Those must prevail over everything especially at the early stages. If a person cannot make an effort to be civilized and normal even at the beginning what do you expect to be later on? And that’s what it is also important to wait until you get to know them a little more, to be sure that you get to know a person behind general politeness and good manners. Men try hard when they court you, but it is when they relax you get to know their character.

    Sweetheart you really need to be more discerning. There are so many indecent people around, men as well. Use caution, be attentive, wait before getting involved.

    #635352 Reply

    pi

    Thanks Emma. Next time onwards if a guy breaks basic norms, he will be shown the door asap. I don’t know how I got so blind.

    #635363 Reply

    Phillygirl

    Men can have sex and talk to a woman without it meaning anything significant. Especially in early stages of getting to know you

    Women (most women) initially attach much deeper meaning to what they perceive as “deep conversation” and strong chemistry (ad sex) and begin to attach to a man (before he is connecting in the same way).What you need to understand is that a man can enjoy these things with a woman (or many women) and not necesarily want a relationship or anything more serious than casual sex and entertainment.

    You need to understand biology becasue it’s still what guides people. Men tend to want to spread their seed. They will settle down (the ones who are relationship material) when a woman knock’s his socks off and he feels he’s found the whole package. Women, in the early stages of getting to know a guy, tend to get swept off their feet by pretty words (men know this).

    A man is built to “win” in life. He will pursue a woman he finds attractive and chase until she likes him. It isn’t until this point he steps back to decide if he really “likes” her enough to move forward and get more serious. Men like the chase. Testosterone makes them competitive. They want to win (the drive to “suceed” is primary) before they even know if they want the prize. It’s more about ego in early stages.

    That is why men can come on so strong in the beginning, and then start backing off once they know you like them. They’ve won the chase, but now it’s time to decide if this is something they want to continue. That is why you DO NOT put much stock into what a man says in early days. Words + consistent behavior OVER TIME = truth. And just becasue that truth starts to take shape does not mean it doesn’t need to be monitored. Life happens, things change, people change. Some relationships last a lifetime, many don’t.

    When a man decides he wants something more serious, committed, and long term with a woman, then deeper conversations and sex have greater meaning for them. So of course men further bond in these ways just as women do. But you need to see how the order is different for men and women, or you will continually be hurt when you invest before they do.

    A man has to INVEST IN YOU FIRST.

    #635371 Reply

    pi

    That’s some awesome advice. I read that in men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But suppose, when they know you like them then they will start backing off then you are bound to get hurt. So how to go about this situation?

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