Time to give up?


This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sophia 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #668257 Reply

    Eva

    I’ve been dating this guy for one year and a half. We only have a problem but it is starting to be a deal breaker. We live 2 hours away, because he is finishing his studies in another city. So except on summer we only see each other in the weekend. And that would be enough for me right now if he put more effort in keeping a good comunication the rest of the week, but he doesn’t.

    So we are this way, he starts by calling me daily, a short call that is enough, but then he relax and he starts to call every other day, or 2 days, and it starts to bother me, but I don’t say a thing, but then he goes all the week mia on me, so we have what I call “the talk” where I explain him comunication is important.

    After the talk, he will call or text everyday for some days and then relax again more and more until he doesn’t call or text at all so we have the talk again.

    And here we go again…I feel if he cared enough I wouldn’t have to talk to him every now and then and give him a wake up call.

    So I start to question this relation and I’m considering giving up on him. Because “the talk” is killing me, I feel that I have to beg for attention. I don’t know from him since friday. I don’t know if I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, so before doing something I want to read your opinions.

    #668269 Reply

    Khadija

    You aren’t getting your needs met.

    By the looks of things you have had this same discussion numerous times. For a while he takes heed then goes back to his old ways.

    He is who he is. If you are unhappy then move on to someone who will be in contact daily.

    #668272 Reply

    Hannah

    Why do you need to talk to him every day?

    What happens if you call or text him? Does he ignore you?

    #668275 Reply

    Eva

    I don’t need to talk everyday, but I don’t find normal he can go monday to saturday without contacting me at all. If I give him a wake up call then he contacts me for some time, but he ends up going back to not contact.

    If I contact him, I feel I’m forcing him to speak, since the beginning I always let him do, in facts when I do it he becomes more lazy. He wouldn’t ignore me. But sometimes I can feel he talks forced when I contact him. It sounds like an interview you know…how are you? what did you do today? and him replying and asking nothing.

    #668276 Reply

    Eva

    I love him a lot, and I think he is a great great person. But having to beg for attention so often is killing me. I never had to do that with other guys.

    #668303 Reply

    Amanda

    As much as you may care about him, you need to ask yourself is this relationship causing me more happiness or more pain? If it is the latter, it is not worth it in the end.

    #668321 Reply

    peggy

    It sounds like he is “checking out”-especially if he is curt when you call him. I am sorry. I would say this to him,since you have not gotten results by talking to him: ” This relationship is no longer working for us,as I feel you can’t or don’t want to put the effort in,that it requires. I am sad about that,but am moving on. That is the script,break up with him. Find a nice guy who lives nearer. Good luck.

    #668376 Reply

    ComeFidoSitStay

    All these ladies make a great point.

    Time to let this guy off the digital leash and let him run free.

    #668384 Reply

    Manchild gf

    My boyfriend has the same issue and we dated only half a year!
    But we see each other 2-3 times a week. However, communication is key to me. I have my own work and study but just hearing how his day was is important to me. I addressed the issue already 3 times. He would always be super responsive for 2-3 days then the texting would just go once a day, maybe. Also his response takes time even when I know he is not doing anything special around that time.

    But my question is, how long does he away have to be for his study? Is he going to come back to your city soon?

    #668420 Reply

    Joe

    @manchild gf and Eva, you are both way too clingy! Seeing each other a couple days a week and calls or text once a day or few days is more than enough for most guys. You saying how long does it take to write a text is silly. Men don’t like to feel obligated to interact every single day, especially if they’re busy! Too much neediness and clinging over time will erode relationships.

    #668431 Reply

    LG

    I think it depends on both parties. I speak to my BF in the morning and evening every day…. the day I didn’t call he told me he was worried something happened. I don’t mind speaking to him a few times a day we are best friends and neither does he. It depends on the relationship and the people in it. If you prefer constant communication and he doesn’t then you need to figure out a balance or end the relationship. The difficulty here is the distance which appears to make you more anxious and him more relaxed.

    #668485 Reply

    Eva

    Thank you everybody.

    Joe, I don’t think I’m being needy because I consider not talking AT ALL for 5 days won’t work for me. Doesn’t matter if we see each other on saturday. I like to know that he is there.

    I don’t need a lot, I don’t expect to be exchanging messages back and forth all day long or having a 1 hour phone conversation every day. I don’t even need to interact every single day. But I think I don’t ask much expecting at least a 5 min call or a few messages every other day to say something.

    I’ll talk to him one last time, just to tell him how I feel and that think won’t work for me if I have to give him a wake up call every couple of weeks. This time I’ll make sure he knows exactly how I feel, so if nothing change I’ll understand that this will never work.

    #668600 Reply

    Lane

    Like the saying goes “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”—meaning you can’t force or coerce someone to do something if they don’t want to do it.

    Trying to change someone never works, at least long-term as humans will always revert to their natural state or comfort zone. You should always try to do it in a non-judgmental way that may motivate him to communicate by using positive reinforcement, such as “I so love hearing your voice when were apart” and if he knows how much it makes you happy when he calls or text, he’ll want to keep doing it. However if these “talks” are negative such as “why don’t you…” or “I don’t feel…” or “I want you to…” its not going to inspire him to communicate but withdraw if he feels like he can never make you happy.

    Men don’t want to talk about relationships, they p twant to LIVE IT as their the ‘action orientated’ specie and if “the talks” outweigh the positive times your together a man can fall out of love. It sounds like he’s not happy with you and your not happy with him. No amount of ‘talking’ is going to fix it because when you seek validation from someone to make you feel better it places a huge burden on the person and he could very well be feeling that kind of pressure or talking to you (or you him) is no longer pleasant, fun or interesting?

    All I’m saying is maybe the communication between the two of you has lost its spark to the point there’s nothing new, exciting or interesting to talk about.

    #668715 Reply

    Anne

    If he does not call for five days, I think it is because he feels there is nothing to talk about. He does not find you fascinating or interesting. Maybe he is not interested in others,only himself. But in that case, he would call just to talk about himself.

    Unlike you, he doesn’t feel the need to connect daily. Perhaps he is simply not emotional, but practcal instead. Not all that romantic.

    You can’t change him, you want him to be more crazy for you.

    #668723 Reply

    Sophia

    This is his communication style. He has low interest in the relationship. He knows there’s a standing date every Saturday to count on, so he doesn’t bother to contact during the week between dates.

    If it were me, I wouldn’t be in this. I need my bf to be more interested in me and invested in us. How can he go all week without wanting to hear what’s happening in your world?

    Nope. Interest in you is way too low. I would end this.

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