This guy is hard to read. What do I do next?

I think where the decline started was when you posted a link on his wall. That seems too personal, like something a girlfriend would do, and guys delete posts girls put on their wall so other options don’t take it like oh he has a girlfriend. it’s usually for other girls.. like if another girl he was interested in saw you writing on his wall. even tho he doesn’t seem like that type AT ALL, you never know. that’s just what I know about guys in general. I think that’s where he got scared off, like you’re doing too much. even guys who don’t do much initiating can get like that. don’t text him again & see if he comes back around. if he is into you he will

Yes Ashley, I also think that’s where I slightly messed up.
Not really for the other girl theory i guess, although you indeed never know. He did wrote that I shouldn’t worry about it when I apologized, that he didn’t mean for me to not post anything on his wall, just not that kind of stuff and that it’s ‘his minor handicap’ for not wanting these kind of things on his wall…

I agree, Free Spirit, he’s not investing anything at this moment. And yes he will be gone for work that long, which is rather unwelcoming for hitting it of with someone isn’t it?

So i shall take up your advice and stop initiating contact (while biting my tongue obviously) and see what happens…Thx for the answers!

Hey Fie,

I have experienced with shy guys and one thing I can tell you is that they’ll always continue the conversation. They don’t initiate at first, but they continue. If they’re clueless with these things, they might take a while to continue even.

It’s true that with shy guys you have to initiate. But what most people don’t tell you about dealing with shy guys is this: you have to be VERY patient. Shy often means inexperienced and clueless by virtue of the fact that they’ve never put themselves out there or found themselves in many dating/ relationship- like situations.

Reading your story, I literally felt like you just KEPT GOING at him. Non-stop! You’re not even giving him a chance to step up and figure out what he wants/ feels. You just keep beating him to it. Stop! When dealing with men- shy or otherwise- always give them the space to come to you.

I agree with Newbie. Do you really like him or just want to capture his attention? Would you really want to date someone where YOU do most of or all of the work? It sounds exhausting to me.

I think I do really like him, tho.
I’m just sooo not good in this whole dating and seeing what happens stuff as I never had this kind of situation before. My other relationships always sort of ‘happened’ with men I already was good friends with and then suddenly something sparked. So I’m kinda freaking out here.

Thing is he really did give signals he’s into me. Mentioned the future more then a few times and it always involved me.

I’m just gonna have to wait this one out I guess, indeed STOP the pursuing, as you guys say, if he’s interested he will continue. I’ll probably have to be very patient, if I haven’t screwed it up already…

Hi Irina,

good luck to us indeed! Only time will tell i guess?

Well I did wish him a happy NY (once again me initiating, uuggh) and we ended up chatting for about half an hour, I kept it very light tho.
Now he’s off on his trip, so the waiting restarts when he gets back by the end of this month.

Hang in there! You’re not alone.
And a happy NY ;-)

In my experience if you have to ask a guy out (you give him plenty of opportunities to do it and he doesn’t) then he’s probably not all that interested. A lot of guys will go along with you if you do all the work but at the end of the day if you stop stepping up they will just fade out as they can’t be bothered.