Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › The married man fell in love with me
- This topic has 18 replies and was last updated 8 years, 6 months ago by
Lisa.
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Chloe Rae
OOooopsie, random one night stand (or so I thought) with a married man. Was never supposed to happen, I thought my morals were better then that, but my hormones won that round. Sole reasoning was maybe as a rebound from getting rejected from a 8 month long crush. Unfortunately the Married man kept on texting and conveniently we would run into one another on weekends as we have the same hang out spots. I would keep getting texts and being let down from the “Crush” and Married man would be there to pick up those pieces. He became a rebound. I didn’t feel guilty using him as he told me he has never felt guilty cheating on any girl he has ever been with and it’s not a forever relationship with the wife anyways and we were both extremely open with one another with what our situations were.
Now with the Crush out of the picture feelings for the Married guy started to arise. As I did so I’ve cut off all sexual contact with him (5 months of nothing) as my morals began to eat away at me and I knew it couldn’t be a forever thing. But I still keep in touch with him and I’ve given him the dreaded lunchtime/day time dates to avoid letting my hormones get the best of me again, and when we do see eachother in the evenings, I always have a convenient answer to why we can’t have sex (on my period, too tired, have to head out of town for work early ect.).
However he now has dropped the “L” bomb and is willing to leave his wife for me. I didn’t realize our “relationship” had progressed to this level and I replied that I could never tell a Married man I Loved him. (I won’t allow myself to have those deep of feelings so I don’t get hurt) All my pulling away has lead him into a crazy state willing to do anything I ask. Even be monogamous as I’m the “only girl he has ever loved this much”. He randomly shows up to my work, sends flowers, and stocks my social media to no end. This is verging on stocker, yet I love the attention.
Obviously there are feelings there for me, however I’ve said from day one to him that I do not want to break up his family (yeah there’s a kid involved) and if he was single I might be able to actually drop my guard and allow true feelings to flow. Right now I feel so guilty as I know I’ve lead this man on as I do enjoy his company, but am scared to ask him to get a divorce as I know he would and then all the pressure of us working out as a couple is on me. If it doesn’t work out I’m just the homeweaker who broke up his family.
So am I this horrible attention crazed person who should let this man go?
Or
Should I give him a chance at a real relationship? (Is that even possible with this type of cheating person?)Jules
You guys should totally get married. Let his wife know what a piece of shit her husband is and how you are more than willing to take him off her hands. With his mentality of “I don’t feel guilty cheating on anyone” I’m sure she will be all too happy to see him go.
And you’re right, it’s going to be totally different when it’s the two of you in a relationship. I mean you don’t care about cheating either so it’ll be a complete free for all. STD’s for everyone!
Do you see any culpability in YOUR actions? He’s garbage, no question, but what about you?
Lane
I’m appalled by the lack of compassion for his wife and that innocent child from the both you…nough said. If you want to be with a cheater knock yourself out but don’t go crying when he cheats on you too. geesh.
Raven
If he’ll do it for you, he’ll do it to you…
Mimi
You’re about to make his (soon to be) ex wife a very lucky and happy woman when she gets that lying creep off her hands and on to yours. Good luck, and don’t get too attached. He’ll be moving on soon…
fairycake
I haven’t laughed so hard in ages! :D I bet you believe in Santa too? His words you quoted – “he told me he has never felt guilty cheating on any girl he has ever been with”. He also won’t feel guilty lying to your face just to keep an extra fuck on the side – wallow in filth or wake up !!!!!!!!
fairycake
oh it gets funnier! Your words – “but am scared to ask him to get a divorce as I know he would” – Really? You honestly believe that? My, my, my – you do have an enormous ego – you’re addicted to the attention and what you believe is unimportant. Pay attention to what your morals tell you, I know they are in there somewhere.
You ask this – “So am I this horrible attention crazed person who should let this man go?” YES! Read up on narcissistic personality disorder – you may both be suffering from it. People can be very exciting and addictive but when a man is married and you are a woman that is sexy but with dignity and morals you do not let them have any chance or hope.redcurleysue
Hello CR,
If a man wanted to leave his wife he would have done so already. (actions)
The excitement and drama overshadow your grief over the last relationship – but it is from the “wrong” guy. But I also think you don’t want a relationship with someone who can get to your heart right now…
The drug effect of all this will wear off and then what will you really have?
Jenny
I read this and really hoped it was a joke. I fear that it isn’t so I’m going to bullet point this to make it easy for you. Here goes:
•you are a home wrecker already so no need to fear that.
•he will cheat on you because he seems to have made a habit of cheating.
•I call bs on your “morals”. If you had them, you wouldn’t be doing this.
•he is nothing but a thrill for you so you are being selfish.
•you two are perfect for each other.
•go for it, you will be doing his wife a big favor.d.
To even consider him, you deserve him. and you will get what you deserve.
Sassperilla
“Oooopsie” indeed…
Get over yourself and find someone who is single and available.
Amoura
I’m sorry to say but when he hurts you, you will feel like you got hit by a bus. You are high. Come down to reality.
Newbie
Hang on, two people can fall i’m love with each other if one or both is committed to some one else. But i agree with the posters, this isnt going anywhere. It didn’t start with a build up tension but just with a one night stand. Amd after that you just string him along and he follows like a puppy. Why did you keep on seeing him? I really think you’re just a sidekick to chase.
Newbie
I personally would never call a single girl or guy a homewrecker if they get involved with a committed person. Its not their responsabiliy to take care of another persons relationship. But i do believe that it is a sign that you’re the next one he will be cheating on.
Rose
I will not judge you here you but I will quote you “he has never felt guilty cheating on any girl he has ever been with” … Do you really want a man like that? He has a wife and a kid, cheats on her, feels no guilt about it. Why do you think he’s going to be better with you? Men like him don’t change and your relationship was wrong since the beginning. Sweetie, look for a single man that’s going to love you like you deserve and be only yours. This one is a cheater and a bad parent.
Anna
I am not going to judge you and I am being honest about this statement cause I’ve been in a similar situation. When you are alone, desperate and lack selfesteem, the attention that a married man gives you is intoxicating and it is addictive. You feel like that the love that you have been missing and dreaming for your whole life is finally there and letting go of that is extremely tough and eventhough you have been a moral person most of your life you enter denial that its wrong and if you dont feel denial then you justify by saying its true love. Sometimes you find yourself fantisizing about how it would be to be her (his wife)cause in a way you feel jealous.
Though his feelings and your feelings are genuine for each other, I can tell you that this is not going to work and that it is better for you to walk away before you hurt him and you hurt yourself. You’ll be hurting him because he looses the opportunity to make a clean break from his current nonfunctional relationship as a mature man. His wife in order to get back at him, might keep him away from his kid. He will suffer financially and to make matters worse we dont even know that your relationship with him will endure and he would make this huge sacrifice for nothing.
So the best thing you can do is to leave him alone,cut contact with him and only let him date you if he made his decisión to leave the marriage on his own without your side dish help. If he doesnt leave the woman he is married to, you cut your losses and the waste of time and you will be more likely to find an available man to start your own family with.
However, people like us have serious intimacy and trust problems and therapy would help you redirect your love to available people and not have to suffer the loss of your morality and identity for a man.
Hope this helps, big hugs and take care.
Stefanie
Anna.. this post is quite old.
Raven
For crying out loud…
Look at the initial post date…Lisa
Im in the same situation, only I am also married. We were friends for a good 6 months before becoming sexual. I have tried to stop myself multiple times, but I end up missing our close connection/friendship. Its been a year now, and my husbamd recently found out about all of this. It hurts to cause hurt, yet I cant bring myself to let go of either. Its honestly like some sick addiction that I hope will pass. I pray for strength to let this other man go as my heart tells me its the right thing to do!
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