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- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 1 year, 1 month ago by
Tallspicy.
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Sarah
I noticed my boyfriend of 7 months says good morning but like today said a few sentences then that was it. I said how are you? Two hours later no response? Jokingly I said you die? You ok? He wrote back. Everything is fine. Just busy. We spent an hour uninterrupted having sex the night before. Then today nothing. I told him I needed him to please just say thinking of you hello or I love you. He didn’t apologize. Said sometimes it’s going to be that way. I said can you at least tell me you are going to be busy and let me know that we will chat later? He didn’t say yes. I said that would make me feel better. He then quit reading my texts and no response. I told him I hate when he goes to bed without saying good night. Well second night in a row. No response or text. Is he going to break up with me? We are supposed fo spend the week together next week and he didn’t mention it today because he didn’t text. Thoughts?
Ewa
you are going to push him away, if you haven’t already by constantly demanding that he texts you. It is exhausting for a guy. Also if you told him you would like if he messaged just hello etc and he is not doing it then he is not doing it because he doesn’t want to. When he knows that will cure your anxiety and he is not willing to do anything to help you then he is not your man.
You need to get a life and stop demanding that he texts you all day, because yes guys will do a lot of texting at the beginning but it will eventually slow down. Yes there will be days when they will text more but people have lives. If he is telling you he is busy then just leave him to it and let him reach out to you.
you hate when he does to bed without saying goodnight ? really ? so he can’t fall asleep just like that? you must be very young.Anon
Sarah- you need to reverse course right now. Do not ask about next week- make other plans. He is not meeting your standards of communication and I would assume there are no plans. He knows he can decide last minute and you’d be ok getting together. Guys respond to action not words. Once you’re not available to him, he will take notice. Telling him you want him to do this or that is falling on deaf ears. Do not be available next week and that should straighten things out.
mama
Sarah,
At 7 months this is how it works. Communication ebbs and flows. Please stop chastizing someone for their texting. He sent you texts VERY frequently but you weren’t happy, you wanted more. What your actions are saying is that he is not able to make you happy with his efforts — if he tries, you’ll raise the bar.With all due respect, take a step back, stop being clingy and anxious. Inevitably someone will tell you to do a little reading into anxious attachment. My advice is to find things that bring joy to your life that don’t require his input or time. Focus on THAT for a while, instead of how lacking this man is. (I don’t think he is but you perceive him to be.) Start embracing life in general and figure out what fulfills you besides a man’s attention.
Maddie
An established relationship is not about texting or receiving on-demand validation, it is about spending time together and strength of connection and building a solid foundation of trust together. Text is actually the worst medium of communication for important conversations, there’s no tone of voice, nuance, or body language. Recipe for miscommunications.
Do you see your boyfriend multiple times a week after 7 months? Has he given you any reason to distrust him in the past? Or are you an anxious dater and putting your anxiety on him to deal with for you, instead of you soothing yourself?
If the anxiety is yours, then you are not only pushing him away, you’re doing it over nothing he did wrong. He’s right, sometimes things will be like this. Sometimes there will be days that he will be busier than he realizes and not give you a heads up, especially if he’s working. Sometimes, he’ll want a little space from his phone and not look at it at all. Sometimes, he might fall asleep for the night without realizing he was so tired and didn’t text good night. Those are normal things to happen in a relationship, and they won’t mean anything negative at all. If you harass him to text you, you’re showing him you are insecure and don’t trust him. That is very offputting, and at worst it can get controlling.
At this point, it sounds like he is still busy and/or taking space instead of discussing things with you directly instead of over text, which isn’t the most mature response either. But mirror him and give him the space to reset and come to you. Again, if he’s given you real reason to distrust him in the past or has pattern of pulling away and disappearing for days, *that’s a different situation.* But if he hasn’t and this is your own dating anxiety, you should really talk to a professional about it. Getting anxiety in dating properly managed makes life so much easier and less stressful, and it lets you live your own life without everything needing to totally revolve around your guy. Which puts less pressure on the guy, too, which tends to allow everyone to show up better for the relationship, win-win.
Tallspicy
Needy. Needy. Needy. Whiney and needy.
Why do you want so much contact? You had a lovely lover session, as long as you know when you are seeing him, I suggest you really chill out on the “I need you to text me all the time and respond immediately”.
It is your job to live your life and be happy. It is not his job to do all the emotional lifting for you and your happiness.
And… if you have needs, they should be expressed as a request and not by text as whining and complaining.Tallspicy
And anons advise is total crap if you are a healthy secure adult. If you have plans, just lean into being excited about them, let him live his life so when he sees you, he is excited about it because he gathered a little bit of missing you. He did nothing wrong, he is enjoying his life, and will see you next week. You should do the same!
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