This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 7 hours, 25 minutes ago.
March 20, 2017 at 8:25 pm #612719
I have been seeing this guy for almost 2 months. We see each once a week and text a few times a week. We’re not exclusive, we haven’t had a conversation about that. We are sleeping together. I don’t really know how he feels about me. He has told me that he has a hard time expressing his feelings and I am sort of the same way, but am working on that with a therapist. He has also mentioned that he is guarded and I can honestly say I am too. When we are together we can talk for HOURS on end about deep and not deep things. I feel my guardedness has prevented me from me totally being me and expressing myself to him. Would it be a bad idea if I expressed that to him…just be honest and tell him that I have been a bit guarded and I want to be more honest with my feelings about him or whatever I am thinking? I mean just typing that seems scary and probably not a great idea. I would like to see him more often. He did tell him that he’s not looking for a casual relationship and he wants to get married and have kids, but I would like to know what he is short term relationship goals are and if he’s able to give more. Do I just hold off and continue to mirror his actions and step back a bit. I know he’s been working long hours and he has said that he is tired after work and sometimes when he has plans with friends he cancels because he’s so tired. He only likes to make plans not so in advance. I know if a guy really is interested in me he would want to see me more often regardless of how tired he is or whatever is going on in his schedule. Would love some advice.March 20, 2017 at 8:35 pm #612723
I should say that when we do see each other it’s not for like 1-2 hours we usually spend copious amounts of time together. Like all day. Not this past weekend, but the weekend before he came over on Friday night and didn’t go home till Sunday after breakfast. He’s only slept over that time and once before during the week.March 20, 2017 at 9:17 pm #612738
He has not yet done enough to show he deserves your full heart. Don’t give it to him until the relationship is in line with your long term goals. Enjoy his company while you are in it, and live a full life without him when he’s not around.
There is nothing you should tell him regarding where you want this relationship to go. If you are in a moment in which you are enjoying his company or something about him, express the appreciation of the moment. This relationship has not progressed enough to give him more than that. Let him lead you two the next level. If you get tired of waiting for him to do so, dump him and move on.March 20, 2017 at 9:31 pm #612742
Thanks Ollie. That’s exactly what I knew I should do. Just keep mirroring him and letting him lead. I agree he hasn’t done enough and I guess at some point I have to decide whether or not I should stick around. I don’t want to waste my time on someone who isn’t interested in pursuing something with me. I am willing to give it a little more time, but then I am going to have to move on. I am still swiping and all that so I am not investing totally in him until he shows me I should. I will enjoy my time with him and just follow his lead.March 21, 2017 at 12:51 pm #612880
So based on his “pattern” he usually texts me once ever 2 days or so. We haven’t spoken since he left my place Saturday night. I understand that he’s not that invested in me and whatever, but just making sure I shouldn’t text. I am keeping busy and trying my best not to feel the anxiety. My plan is just to say something like “I am so glad you texted, it’s always so great to hear from you” if I hear from him at some point. Just to encourage behaviors I want…instead of being like I need/want you to text me blah blah. Thoughts?March 21, 2017 at 12:58 pm #612885
I would keep it even simpler than that with a simple “Great to hear from you.” All of your suggestion reads a little too eager. Keep it simple. And no, I wouldn’t text. Also, if you are seeing other people, then you are not really “waiting” on him. You are keeping your options open. Who knows, you could end up meeting another guy who is a little clearer or communicates more in the way you expect.
But keep in mind, while yes, a guy who is really into you will WANT to see you more, sometimes we decide we want to see more of them BEFORE they decide they want to see more of us. And maybe he is just fine with the frequency of commmunication and dates and that’s exactly how he likes things.March 21, 2017 at 1:01 pm #612886
Thanks Carlotta! I agree he may content with how things are going for now or forever. I just got to keep doing me and not worry so much!March 22, 2017 at 8:19 pm #613286
UPDATE: So I haven’t initiated any contact since the guy I was dating left my apartment on Saturday night. I haven’t heard from him either. I assume he’s ghosting me, but couldn’t he assume that I am ghosting him too?March 22, 2017 at 8:40 pm #613289
He left YOUR apartment, he was your guest, it is his “turn” to text. Stay put. He will contact you again. If a week goes by without a note from him, move on. And don’t take him back when he asks. I think he might be manipulating you, into going after him. He knows for sure how you feel, any man would.March 22, 2017 at 8:47 pm #613290
There’s nothing wrong with a ‘check in’ here and there to fill the space as he may Think your not interested. An easy breezy ‘hope your day is going well! 😄” is sufficient to show your still interested without being over interested (planning dates).
I admiringly am very busy (own a business) that consumes my time and can be overly myopic to the point they think I’m not interested. One guy I was dating started to fade and so I texted him “are you alive?” And he sprang forward and picked right back up as I gave him the cue to proceed.
Just do a feeler and if he responds and picks back up then go with it, if not, delete and move on.