Taking a break and it is his birthday.


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This topic contains 48 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  liv 3 months ago.

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  • #635415 Reply

    liv

    Hi, I’ve been in a relation for 1 year and a half, and it was great until 1 month ago.

    We had a few arguments in a row and things became too tense so we both agreed to take a 3 weeks break.

    In a couple of days it is his birthday, and I don’t know if I should wish him a happy birthday.

    A break implies a non contact rule, and I already broke it in the first days because I had an awful moment and needed to talk to him. I didn’t want to break it twice, but we’ve been together for 2 years that were great and I don’t know if it is rude if I don’t wish him a happy birthday.

    What would you do? Thanks in advance.

    #635417 Reply

    Helen

    No contact is no contact. Leave him alone. Guys don’t place the same importance on this stuff that we do. You already broke it once for a selfish reason. If you want any chance of getting back with him, no more contact.

    #635418 Reply

    liv

    I clarify 2 things because I wrote a mess. We’ve been official for 1 year and a half. But been having something for 2 years. That’s why I said the 2 years were great.

    And my bigger doubt is that I already broke the non contact once , so it would be the second time I would have to break it.

    #635419 Reply

    liv

    Thanks Helen. I also think is the best, but wanted to read more opinions.

    If I didn’t contact him that other time I would do it.

    #635422 Reply

    Khadija

    Just wish him a happy birthday and then go on about your day.

    Don’t expect anything other than a thanks.

    Men aren’t the same about birthdays as women are.

    #635423 Reply

    liv

    Khadija, the problem is that we started the break just a few days ago and I already contacted him once. I feel that if I contact him again I’ll look desperate, I don’t know…

    On the other hand, after all this time having a great relation, except for the last month, I feel bad not telling him something.

    I even had a gift that I ordered online. All that is making everything even more sad for me.

    I wish I didn’t break the non contact rule already, so I could just send him a message.

    #635426 Reply

    Ellie

    I would text him happy birthday then no more after that, save the present as you may get back together, there’s no set rules you have to abide by and this won’t make a difference (it would if you sent him flowers and went to his house ), just be true to yourself- he would prob send you a message the other way round – good luck let us know how it turns out xxx

    #635428 Reply

    liv

    Thanks girls, I still have a couple of days to decide.

    So more opinions are welcome.

    And yeah Ellie, I would just wish him Happy Birthday in case I did.

    #635431 Reply

    liv

    I have another question, I thought about sending him a little voice message to not just send a line, what do you think?

    #635435 Reply

    Amz

    I wouldn’t!

    A NC break is NC break, whether it’s someone’s birthday or not.

    Focus on yourself right now and if you can do anything to improve your life, and even if you want to continue in this relationship. You guys are on a break for a reason. Honor that. Or suffer the consequences of unresolved feelings on both your parts…

    #635438 Reply

    Devil’s Advocate

    You say “A break implies a non contact rule” but did you not discuss the terms of the break? Did he tell you he wanted a 3 week break with no contact? If so he knew his birthday was a few days into the break and as his present I would respect his wish for no contact. If you’ve already screwed this up a few days in I certainly wouldn’t do it again.

    #635444 Reply

    liv

    The break was actually my idea, but he definitely agreed.

    We had 3-4 arguments in a round, pointless arguments, now I look back and feel silly. I noticed that he was withdrawing a bit, and things were a bit tense. So I told him that maybe 2-3 weeks of a break would be good so we could re-start fresh. Clean slate. And he agreed.

    I’ll be honest, I didn’t even think about his birthday when I mentiones the break. Well, I understand we both consider the break like a period of non contact since we talked about a few weeks off and a fresh re-start.

    Obviously if something really important happened I would tell him and I’m sure he would do the same, but I don’t know if Birthday enters in this cathegory.

    #635450 Reply

    Emma

    OMG of course wish him a happy birthday. This is not a jail. You took a break to reset and cool things off. You are not breaking up permanently, send him a nice message or leave a voice mail saying you don’t mean to disrespect the agreement but BDs are a special occasion. Tell him you miss him and feel silly for arguing. Imagine yourself in his shoes, this is your birthday and your BF would not even send you a short message?

    #635455 Reply

    liv

    Emma, I don’t know about other men, but believe, he doesn’t give a damn about his birthday.

    That’s why I don’t know what to do. Right now I’m more about sending him a message. But I’ll hate to be contacting him again. He was kinda cold the last time.

    #635457 Reply

    Amz

    From your latest post I think you have your answer. He won’t care and he was cold to you for breaking the rules. Don’t do it, unless you want more disappointment.

    #635459 Reply

    redcurleysue

    So these are all your feelings. I would not contact him. If you get back together you can celebrate his B-day then.

    I would stay no contact.

    #635461 Reply

    DEE

    Do what you feel right about. When I was on a break with BF it was also his birthday and his cat died. These seemed like exceptional situations in which I still wanted to be caring and supportive to him. It didn’t backfire– we are back together. I think if I had ignored these occassions it might have hurt him…

    I’m not saying you are obligated to say Happy Birthday but it sounds to me like you want to. If so, just do it, just don’t do it expecting smething in return– do it of your own good will and from a caring position.

    #635468 Reply

    Raven

    Text him Happy Birthday & then resume your thing…

    #635498 Reply

    Mia

    I had a similar experience with my ex and now bf. The thought of whether to wish him happy birthday was eating me up days before. Finally I called him up the day before his birthday. He was so surprised to hear from me (I was surprised he picked the phone up) and was asking how I was doing. Then he said he had to go back to work. I told him I was only calling to wish him happy birthday. He sounded shocked and said thank you and asked if he could call me back after work. I said it wouldn’t be convenient. And that was it. I was really glad of what I did and I could finally go back to my day.
    A few days later when I checked skype, he left me a message saying thank you so much for the birthday wish. It meant a lot to him.

    #635519 Reply

    Kay

    Just go ahead and wish him. Don’t send a long message and don’t expect a lot in return.
    And you can celebrate with a proper date or gift when you guys get back together.

    #635611 Reply

    liv

    Thanks girls, I’m having a bad day today. Breaks are hard.

    I know it was my idea but I thought it was the only thing that could save our relation the way it was derailing in weeks. But I think about how fine we were until 1 month ago and I feel awful.

    Mia, the thought of whether to wish him happy birthdayis eating me alive too. I feel like now we are walking on eggshells, and though it can some like something small everything we do now will have an impact.

    If he wasn’t cold the other time I contacted him, I would do it, but now I’m afraid to contact him again, he being cold again and me thinking he is feeling I can’t even take a break from him.

    But then I imagine the other scenario where I don’t say a thing and him thinking that things are too bad if I didn’t even wish him a happy Birthday.

    So I change my mind every few hours. I think I’ll take the decision in the very last moment.

    #635612 Reply

    Hannah

    You asked him for a break. That’s pretty much dumping him. No wonder he’s acting cold! How would you feel if he just ended the relationship with you?

    I would definitely wish him happy birthday. Just a simple, one line text.
    Then forget about this and start working out if you want to be with him.

    Pushing someone away and asking for a break is rarely the answer. All it does is cause distance between you and make the one who got dumped feel unloved and rejected. If you can’t sort out your issues from within the relationship, the relationship has serious problems.

    #635614 Reply

    liv

    Hannah I asked for a break for a reason. We had a few arguments that they wasn’t actually my fault, though maybe I should react different, and after that he was withdrawing a lot. I was caring with him trying to make things back to normal and he was cold. I felt very frustrated. I even asked if he wanted us to make a travel in the weekend so we can forget about the last month and he said he prefer to be with his friends, I was hurt a lot.

    I saw things dying and the only thing I could think of was taking a break so we can make a clean slate. Also I was exhausted myself, I tried so hard to cheer things up lately and it was like hitting a wall every time, I even lost some weight because It was affecting my stomach. So believe me, I didn’t dump him.

    #635620 Reply

    Hannah

    Oh luv

    #635622 Reply

    Hannah

    Urgh posted too early!

    Oh liv I’m sorry. It sounds like his behaviour pushed you to this. It also doesn’t sound like he’s that interested in fixing things. He just let you walk away. Did he try and talk or resolve things at all?

    Some men are cowards. They want a relationship to end but don’t have the guts to end it. Instead, they push you away and treat you badly in the hope you will end it with them. Do you think that’s what could be happening?

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