suddenly having second thoughts abou marrige


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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  alice 7 months ago.

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  • #612701 Reply

    alice

    we met about two years ago spend four months together and then we went through this really long LDR since then, we’ve stated that we are exclusive and he talked about marrige several times before. we’ve been having fights lately and it was getting realy bad we went no contact for four months
    then we got back together. he said that he thinks its time to get married (I will be the one that moves) it was great and we both were understanding and saying we were fighting for no good reason and how hard this 4months was for both of us. the next day when i brought it up that how should i move, he acted like he was having second thoughts and said he needs time to think (he’s changing his career path and city and he’s under a lot of stress). we agreed not to talk about anything serious for a couple of weeks.everything was alright but then suddenly he stopped answering my calls. I didn’t do anything and just waited. a couple dats later he texted and we had really normal and short conversation. what do you think ? is it because of his job ? or somthing else ? thanks

    #612703 Reply

    Jules

    Let me get this straight—you dated this man in person for four months, then went long distance which didn’t work out and you guys broke up for four months and now you’ve reconnected and the answer to the problems seem like marriage? I’m sorry, I’m just scratching my head here.

    I think you need to take ten steps back and think solely about yourself for a minute. Think of your life, your family, you career, YOUR future. Right now it seems like you’re just doing whatever he wants to do. You’ll be incredibly resentful if you don’t think of yourself at all in any of this and count on him to make all the decisions.

    Regardless of whether you move or not (which IMO, you should only move if it would be a good choice for you regardless of him being there), I don’t think that marriage is the answer. You don’t know this man well enough and the past has shown that you guys haven’t been successful in maintaining a relationship. Slow things down. Work on the things that were causing the fights in the first place. Learn to communicate.

    #612704 Reply

    alice

    moving is a good choice for me and we decided to do this after two or three years, and the real reason of our fights was that we couldn’t see each other as we planned and there was a lot of pressure. I’m
    with you on the whole jumping to marriage.I wasn’t the one who brought it up, I just don’t understand why he’s acting like this

    #612706 Reply

    redcurleysue

    He jumped ahead of himself and now has second thoughts.

    You cannot have a relationship without being together.

    I would move if you want but do not count on a good relationship with him…you broke up before, you can break up again.

    #613546 Reply

    SthrnBelle

    That happened to me twice. Men can have second thoughts, in my LDR it did occur twice unfortunately and once in a normal relationship on the topic of marriage. There is nothing you can do about it. My previous relationship went down the drain, this one did not as I guess it just depends on how important he considers you at the end if he can overcome his fears. How did you get back together? Did you meet? Unfortunately to me it sounds like he does not want to get married after all, he missed you but has now decided to leave the relationship for good. All you can do is to give him space and see if he very appears again, he may or may not. I am sorry, the worst is when a guy puts you through this limbo, it would have been better if he had never done that.

    #613811 Reply

    alice

    thank you
    we never said it was a break up.
    we just stopped calling amd texting after a fight. we started posting on social media and after he saw that i was happy , he started posting love songs and saying things like he’s hurt. then he texted. i didn’t answer at first. i just wanted to know what are his intentions so i answerd. i didn’t think that he’s gonna be like this. it was like nothing happened we were so comfortable with each other. he brought up the figh. we talked and both agreed it was stupid. and you know the rest. we talked a few days ago and he said he’s having a really hard time (his job and moving )
    I think one of the things that let him acts like this is because he knows me well and he knows how loyal i am to this reltionship .
    its very hard for me but im trying to pause it and stop thinking about it !I have many planns and want to work on my self ( wether in this relationship or any other when you learn to live by yourself happily everythinh goes better). if he loves me and knows what I worth in his life he’ll come back to me.

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