This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by vanessa 5 months ago.
January 11, 2017 at 12:58 pm #591761
Me and my boyfriend broke up 3 months ago just shy of our 4-month anniversary. It seemed like a knee jerk reaction and hasty decision, because we were extremely happy together before the breakup. He started being distant which made me question what was up and he got defensive. Said that he wasn’t sure what he wanted and needed a break but still loves me. We had plans to spend the holidays together (we didn’t) and he invited me to take a road trip with him to visit his parents in NC. We live in the Midwest.. Recently, we started texting again and have kept it casual and sweet..I’m afraid to talk “feelings” because I’m not sure how he feels or what he wants but I want to get back together. I felt like he was my guy and I can see a future with him.. I miss him but don’t want to scare him off and I can be a “cut to the chase chick”.. no fluff. I don’t think that would be the right approach here though, please help. Since he’s being friendly and responsive.. Could this mean that he is open to trying again or just being nice?January 11, 2017 at 1:03 pm #591763
How often do you connect or see each other? Has he indicated that he wants to be back together? How was he distant?January 11, 2017 at 1:52 pm #591778
He broke up with you. The ball is in his court with regard to getting back together.
If he has not explicitly told you that he wants to get back together then he doesn’t want to get back together.
Since you were only dating for four months, I wouldn’t put much stock in his efforts to keep in touch. That’s not enough time to build a lasting connection. He may just be keeping things on friendly terms in case he can’t find anyone he perceives as better.
I would suggest you stop talking to him, go NC and give yourself time to heal. Do you really want to be his backup plan? It’s better to find a man who appreciates your value and knows what he wants.January 11, 2017 at 3:45 pm #591813
I would be VERY cautious here. And I would not attach much (if any) meaning to his reappearance…unless he communicates a serious interest in getting back together (as in, asks for the CHANCE to prove he is worthy of a second chance)and his actions show he is serious.
Every single guy I’ve ever dated has come back at some point. There is only one I ever got back together with. The only reason I was open to reconnecting is because we broke up on good terms, he treated me well initially, but I moved across country and LDR wasn’t an option he wanted to pursue at that time. So the breakup was really just based on logistics.
I will never take a guy back who lies, cheats, disrespects me or was a tool when we dated.
In most cases, whatever broke two people up the first time will still be a present issue, and break you up again.
People don’t make life changing alterations in a few months.
Guys come back when they are bored, lonely, or looking for sex-and no one else is around at the moment.
Never consider letting a guy back in, unless he proves (not gives lip service) to his intent to prove himself and shows he is sincere.
Sounds to me like he isn’t even attempting to date you again. Don’t let him waste your time.
Tell him you have better things to do and you are looking to date someone who is serious about developing a relationship with you. Then tell him you aren’t interested in wasting time with him-and blocking the right guy in the process.
If he’s serious, he’ll step up then. If not, say goodbye, mean it and block and delete him from your life. Go back to no contact until you no longer have feelings for him.
No contact goes for as long as it takes to get over him and not a minute less.January 11, 2017 at 9:43 pm #591934
Thanks ladies! He really hasn’t made any attempts to hang out or get together, that’s why I’m apprehensive to take it seriously. I mean, I would love to get back together but maybe I’m putting too much emphasis on getting married and settling down. I’m coming up on 30 soon… eek! Starting to think it’ll never happen for me and I’m getting tired of wasting time with relationships that aren’t going anywhere. It’s hard to admit but I doubt he’s made any life-altering changes in a couple of months either.. he distanced himself by not calling/texting regularly or taking hours to respond back but of course when I would text him, he’d surprisingly reply almost instantly. Then he made up some excuses about how he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and was super busy with work. We were literally joined at the hip when started dating..What gives?January 11, 2017 at 9:44 pm #591937
We maybe text a couple of times a week now.. nothing to jump up and down about lol. :/January 11, 2017 at 10:01 pm #591939
You have your answer. You know what you need to do. Mr. Timewaster is not serious about anything more than amusing himself when it suits him.
Let him go and move on.February 21, 2017 at 1:55 pm #604413
Agreed. If you really want to settle down at some point then work on moving on and finding someone who wants the same things but as you. He’s just being friendly and wasting your time because you are still attached. Let him go. It will be hard but hopefully you will get over him quicklyFebruary 21, 2017 at 1:59 pm #604415
This post is over a month old. FYI