This topic contains 24 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Amanda 6 months, 3 weeks ago.
September 25, 2017 at 8:03 pm #656743
So me and my boyfriend broke up about 2 months ago after dating for 3 years. It has been really rough and I’ve had a hard time, but the relationship was toxic and I needed out. My ex plays for the baseball team at my university and is a senior. Anyways, last Saturday night I ran into a couple of guys who played on the team when my ex was a freshman. We were all hanging out and it turned into me going home with one of them. He only played with my ex for a year, because he got drafted to the Minor Leagues as a junior in college. So bascially, they weren’t ever really friends.
I knew it probably wasn’t the smartest idea at the time, but I have always had a crush on him since I was a freshman, so intoxicated me was not about to pass that up. Anyways, we both agreed that this was in no way getting back to my ex. In short, we had a great night. Yes, we slept together, but we also spent a lot of time just hanging out and talking until 6 AM. He was incredibly easy to get along with and so sweet to me. He told me over and over again how he always thought I was too good for my ex and kept telling me how beautiful I am. Yes, I am aware that guys will say things like this just to have sex, but it felt like more.
Anyways, the next day we texted all day and then he invited me over again. I went over and it was great, once again. It never felt uncomfortable, and we clicked so easily. It felt as if we had been friends for a while. I know it is soon, but I already am feeling slightly attached. And he made it very clear that he was into me as well. But now, today, I have heard nothing from him and I have been stressed and obsessing over checking my phone. I stayed the night and had to leave early in the morning for work. I have casually hooked up with a few other guys since me and my ex broke up, and I knew not to expect them to text me everyday and talk to me all the time, but it just felt different with this guy. Maybe I am being a little crazy, but I haven’t felt this way about a guy for a long long time. I’m worried I got my hopes up to just never hear from him again :/September 25, 2017 at 8:20 pm #656746
Nothing wrong with a good romp…
If you get attached, you’re gonna wanna rethink it…September 25, 2017 at 8:47 pm #656747
“I’m worried I got my hopes up to just never hear from him again :/ ”
Don’t worry, after some thinking he’ll be back,
just make sure you don’t initiate contact and act cool even it it takes weeks before he does.September 25, 2017 at 10:40 pm #656762
In two months you have casually hooked up with a few guys..!
Are you trying to beat a record?
I hope this time it would work out for you but generally don’t be that easy. There is a word for it, it starts with an s and it is not ‘sweetheart’. LOL
Seriously girl, what are you doing? have some value to yourself and your body.
Give a guy a chance to romance you, to win you over, to feel like love is budding. Do not contact him and do not ask to meet. he needs to lead and you need to start acting like a lady and not like a tramp. LOLSeptember 25, 2017 at 10:59 pm #656765
Emma, wow! Please stop calling this girl a slut and a tramp. She is grieving the loss of her relationship, and is on the rebound. This is normal! Just because YOU wouldn’t act this way doesn’t mean you have to judge and name-call.
To to OP – you’re a single gal. Enjoy the single life! Don’t be in a hurry to jump into another relationship, even if you like the guy. Even if you hear from him again, focus on you and enjoy the newfound freedom, which may or may not include him. You’ll be fine either way – believe this.September 25, 2017 at 11:20 pm #656767
No Slut Shaming!September 25, 2017 at 11:43 pm #656769
You will probably learn the hard way, like most women, that sex and deep conversations do not mean anything to a guy. When you give him this in the beginning he knows you are hooked and he looses interest. You need to pace a guy getting to know both your mind and your body if you want a relationship. If you just want fun, then have fun! The problem is most women can’t do this and get attached.September 26, 2017 at 2:14 am #656790
Gross, Emma. Uncalled for. Do better.September 26, 2017 at 2:20 am #656791
I agree with the others, and Emma. I’m 40 so maybe that’s why my outlook is different, but Emma’s wasn’t actually calling her a slut, she was just warning her that that’s how girls get that name! I’m all for encouraging people to go out and have fun, but I don’t think jumping into bed at every opportunity helps in any way. I’ve got 2 friends who have bed hopped their entire lives, both are desperate for a ltr as they are my age and have never been in any kind of relationship in the 10 years I’ve known them, and that’s because everyone knows they are easy to get into bed, so the guys looking for serious won’t go near them, and the players are all over them but then disappear without a trace once they’ve bedded them.
I know that’s not what the op is doing, but Id give the same warning, have fun, don’t get tied down while you’re still upset, but be careful, and don’t give it up so easilySeptember 26, 2017 at 2:34 am #656792
“Wow, I wouldn’t want to date Michael — I hear he has sex with women outside of wedlock.”
No, your friends are single for other reasons.September 26, 2017 at 2:34 am #656793
“Wow, I wouldn’t want to date Michael — I hear he has sex with women outside of wedlock.”
No, your friends are single for other reasons.September 26, 2017 at 5:07 am #656795
trust me they aren’t! one especially is known everywhere and no decent guy will go near her! she’s a lovely person but no-one takes her seriously which is why she’s single she childless despite being desperate for those things. no need to get defensive, just saying that respect starts with yourselfSeptember 26, 2017 at 5:12 am #656796
Sex doesn’t get a relationship. if fun is what you’re after then knock yourself out, if you want a relationship then hold fire a bit and see how he treats you. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Respect yourself if you want that respect off anyone elseSeptember 26, 2017 at 6:08 am #656799
Sorry for joining the Off topic debate, but
Rachel, you said: “I’ve got 2 friends who have bed hopped their entire lives, both are desperate for a ltr as they are my age and have never been in any kind of relationship in the 10 years I’ve known the”
and Jenna said: “No, your friends are single for other reasons.”
I agree with Jenna on this
Usually, its not the sexually liberated ways that repulse man, but no brains, no manners, no heart, no opinions, desperateness….. so the lack of character and confidence overall
And we dont know any other circumstances, so its hard to say
But, its good to have many opinions, that´s the purpose of these topics, to get opinions and advices from different points of view
OP, I think he will contact you, stay calm and collectedSeptember 26, 2017 at 6:29 am #656801
Anonymous, you really need to take a break from men and rebuild your self-esteem and worth,
Jumping from one man to another is a recipe for more heartache! He’s not interested in a relationship with you, he’s enjoying your company for a short bit but his priority is BASEBALL while having some flings (sowing his oats) so I would detach and stop sleeping with him pronto.
Take a ‘time out’. Work on the issues that allowed you to fall into a toxic relationship because if you don’t deal with them head on, and acknowledge your part and role in it, your going to carry that baggage into the next one. Your brokenhearted and need to focus, fix and work on you or you risk devaluing your self esteem further by latching onto men who have no desire to latch onto you.
I suggest you don’t date or have sex with anyone for awhile (at least 9 months). During this time buy some self-improvement books on rebuilding your self-esteem and setting healthy boundaries, while also finding some interesting hobbies (meet.up is good), making new friends, and become the best version of you. You are 100% responsible for your happiness, and once you learn how to find it on your own you won’t feel the desire to seek it from others, especially men!September 26, 2017 at 7:22 am #656806
I agree with Rachel. I have a friend who sleeps around. I have actually heard guys say she is lovely but they’d be too embarrassed to have a relationship with someone several of their friends have bedded.September 26, 2017 at 10:05 am #656825
When I met my now fiance we talked about this very subject and he said to me he’s glad I made him wait, he admitted that he’d have been put off if I’d offered it up early. his reasoning – if I’d let him I’d probably let lots of others go there! Bear in mind he’s 44 though. He also works with an extremely attractive 30 year old who sleeps around. Apparently she goes to the clinic and gets checked out every 6 months (very sensible). I’ve met her, she’s gorgeous and is genuinely a nice girl, however, he once said to me he could never go with someone like her as he would know loads had been there before him and he’s worry about catching something! So yes, guys can be put off by it. This is coming from a man who played the field a lot in his 20’s before being married for 15 years. He said he used to go on lads holidays etc , but when looking for relationships, it was different,and wouldn’t have taken it seriously if they’d slept with him straight off.
my ex husband was the same and we were married from 21-36 years old- he also has the same values.
So I reiterate, if no strings fun is what you’re after then fine, but the op doesn’t seem to be cut out for that as she caught feelings. Therefore a relationship seeker may be taken more seriously if she held back a bit. I agree however that the op should maybe take a break altogether from dating until she feels a bit better about the breakupSeptember 26, 2017 at 11:03 am #656830
Look at it this way. There is no much benefit from sleeping around that much, but there is a lot of risk. Several guys in two months is not just healing or mourning, it is excessive and it can take you onto the wrong path, where you’d be looking for sex to help you solve your issues or console you or boost your self esteem, much like men players do (and many of them regret it dearly when they grow older). I know several such guys, they are very bitter about it now, in their 40s.
I am not even talking about the risk of infections, viruses and STDs. Your immunity is not endless, it can fight off so much but if you bombard it with new microorganisms all the time eventually it will give in. Read up on diseases of former prostitutes (aka numerous sexual partners), it is an interesting study.
Before some of you jump to my throat, I am not saying she is a prostitute, I am saying look up the info to be aware!September 26, 2017 at 3:32 pm #656871
Maybe I portrayed myself in the wrong way…. we all deal with pain in different ways and I deal with mine with distractions. No, I am not sleeping with a new guy every week. I don’t appreciate being called a slut, but it does not hurt my feelings because I know that I am not. Maybe it is the wrong way to deal with things, and maybe it is because I came from a very toxic, controlling, and manipulative relationship.
I don’t necessarily have feelings for the new guy. It just felt different with him from the rest. I knew not to expect anything more with the other few guys because I knew what they wanted, and honestly it was what I wanted too. I in no way,shape, or form, desire a relationship at this point. I really just thought me and this new guy got along super well, and thought we could at least be friends as well. In fact, he was so persistently texted me Sunday that I thought that he was going to be annoying and persistent and that I was going to end up having to blow him off.
I am just trying to have fun, I am not seeking a relationship currently. I dated my ex for 3 years and I met him only 3 days after me and my ex before him broke up. I know I want to be single for a while, at least for the rest of my senior year at college. But, at the same time, I prefer to have one main person to have fun with (NSA kinda deal) and I am a little disappointed that I have yet to hear from him.September 26, 2017 at 3:45 pm #656872
“I know I want to be single for a while, at least for the rest of my senior year at college. But, at the same time, I prefer to have one main person to have fun with (NSA kinda deal) and I am a little disappointed that I have yet to hear from him. ”
ok, this guy stands out in the crowd,
because he is more elusive than all your other admirers. That is why you miss him.September 26, 2017 at 4:05 pm #656873
Men who want NSA fun are a dime a dozen. If that is what you want and this guy doesn’t work out, go find someone else. You are int college and literally have thousands of hot young things at your finger tips. Relax you will find someone. (Not sure why you called your post “caught the feels” if you aren’t feeling anything though.)September 26, 2017 at 4:52 pm #656883
He might still contact you, but do not be surprised if he heard about your hookups and pushed the brakes. Most men would do that. Not all, but most.
He might contact you just for sex in a week or two, and if this is what you want, then you can talk to him about it.
You can go in denial and say that being easy doesn’t matter, but it does. Just “having fun” sexually comes at a price. One way or another but it does. Whether it is with ONE partner (FWB) or with multiple partners, those things backfire in 95% of cases. You will realize it sooner or later, and I hope for your sake it will be sooner.September 27, 2017 at 7:50 am #656976
So all last night his friend , the other guy who was with us Saturday night, was texting me saying that I should go out and meet them at bars and then hang out with them after. Do I say something to him about how it is weird to me that he is the one inviting me to hang out with the 2 of them, and not the guy who I slept with? I’m not sure if this is a bad or good sign but now I’m more frustrated. At first, I was worried he was hitting on me, but when I addressed that, he made it very clear that he wasn’t.
Also, my ex ended up figuring out about the situation and it was bad, but not as bad as I thought. I didn’t confirm or deny to him (I don’t think it’s his business so he doesn’t deserve the information) but he continued to tell me how this guy was “psycho ” and told me he was just trying to “look out for me” because he “still cares” about me. When I was short with my responses with him he apologized over and over for “still caring”. I’m my opinion, I think he’s just trying to get in my head and still control my life even though we aren’t together anymore. So now that part isn’t something I need to worry about anymore.September 27, 2017 at 9:18 am #656984
Oh sweetie, the other friend reaching out is not good. It sounds like your new guy spilled the beans about your hookup, and the next friend thinks he can tag you next.
I showed this to several guy friends and they all said it sounds like they want to pass you around.
I’d get away from this whole group if I were you. Nothing good is coming from it. Most of my closest friends are male, and they willjyst spit it out and be completely blunt about this kind of stuff.
They said some guys, especially those in their early to mid 20’s who are only looking for some fun (especially on a sports team together) and who also aren’t the best quality people- will pass a girl around like another team sport. Then laugh, make a girl the butt of their jokes and entertainment, and compare notes. That is the last thing you need after all you’ve been through.
Lane gave you great advice. I was in a toxic abusive 4 year relationship that started when I was 19. After dysfunctional relationships like that, you DO have to get your self esteem back, and learn how to set healthy boundaries.
What you are doing now is only going to further erode your self esteem. If you need a distraction, distract yourself by building yourself up into the strong, independent, happy, courageous, fulfilled woman you want to be… (independent from men for a while )so you can focus and work on you.
Find new hobbies, passions, activities, friendships, and make new goals for yourself that make you your best happiest single version of you.
I had to seek out therapy and advice from a professional for a little while, so I could learn how to protect myself and be my own best friend.
Right now you are not being a good friend to yourself, and after leaving an abusive guy you are ripe to be taken advantage of.
I really hope you listen and find better distractions than random guys for awhile. This time is critical if you want to make and see yourself into the kind of woman who values herself and starts attracting the best kind of guys. Because I can almost guarantee that in your broken, emotionally battered mindset, (one that is still trying to make sense and heal) you are just attracting the worst types. More of the same and types like your ex.September 27, 2017 at 3:55 pm #657063
I agree with Philly. This is classic for college athletes. They are all really close friends, talk about who they sleep with, and try to play wing man for each other. If they guy you slept with liked you he would be the one calling. But the other guy is trying to get in your pants. Stay away from all of these guys, focus on finishing college and what you want to do next. And take advantage of the college counseling center while you still have it.